The Way To Break
by defyngravity
Summary: Follows We All Fall Down. Ed still can't escape the past as he also tries to move on from failed love life. Bobby meets someone special. Olivia wants to work and forget her breakup completely. Crossover, SVU CI. 3 of 3
1. Goodbye My Lover

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_AN: Let's start with the discliamer!_ **I don't own most of these characters, Dick Wolf is the man, and the credit goes to him. Some characters on here I did create, and are mine, I'm sure you can tell the difference. **

_This is story 3 in a series, go back and read the others first or you'll be lost :) _1. Rusted Armour And A Broken Knight 2. We All Fall Down_. As always, I've written all the chapters and am in the editing process. Chapters will be posted after editing, no promise on how often it will be.  
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_Unlike the previous two stories, the chapters in this story will probably not all be songs. Those that are, are credited to the artist as always. Those that aren't are just fun chapter titles I made up on my own. Too many chapters this go around, sorry._

_I think that's it. Oh yea, my law/court/medical knowledge is all what I learn by watching TV, deal with it, go with it. It's all for entertainment. Enjoy!  
_

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**  
Goodbye, My Lover**

"_Did I disappoint you or let you down?  
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?  
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,  
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.  
So I took what's mine by eternal right.  
Took your soul out into the night.  
It may be over but it won't stop there,  
I am here for you if you'd only care.  
You touched my heart you touched my soul.  
You changed my life and all my goals.  
And love is blind and that I knew when,  
My heart was blinded by you.  
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.  
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.  
I know you well, I know your smell.  
I've been addicted to you.  
_

_Goodbye my lover.  
Goodbye my friend.  
You have been the one.  
You have been the one for me._

_ Goodbye my lover.  
Goodbye my friend.  
You have been the one.  
You have been the one for me._

_I am a dreamer and when i wake,  
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.  
And as you move on, remember me,  
Remember us and all we used to be..." _

_James Blunt_

He woke up but took a moment before opening his eyes. He felt...well he felt like shit. Not quite hungover, but definite afterthoughts of the beers he'd had. For a moment, that's all he remembered. Then he rolled over and opened his eyes. He started to reach out to the warmth beside him...a familiar body was strewn across the bed, asleep. But one clear look and he knew. It wasn't the one he wanted. Not the right body. He closed his eyes. It had all happened. All those words...last night hadn't been a dream. Because there he was...in Kim's bed. No, no, no, why was he in her bed? Well, he knew why...and he hated himself. He remembered it all. He remembered his apartment...he remembered the cemetery...and worst of all, he remembered arriving at Kim's apartment.

_"Come in," Kim said._

_He looked her up and down slowly, then stepped inside. "You look good, Kim." He stepped up to her and put a hand on her hip. "You always look good...uncomplicated." _

_"Uncomplicated is always how we did it," she replied, pulling him close. She started sliding her hands up under his shirt._

Ed slid off of the bed and looked for his clothes. He couldn't find his shirt. He took what he had and went into the bathroom. He didn't want to go over the night in his head, but push it away instead. He had to be at work soon, and all he wanted to do was go home and crawl into his own bed. He got dressed and washed his face. As he grabbed the towel to dry off, he caught his reflection in the mirror. He stared himself down. Who had he become? Why had he screwed everything up so perfectly? Why the hell was he at Kim's apartment? It wasn't where he should be. He threw the towel over his shoulder and leaned against the counter. He hung his head and closed his eyes. He heard Kim pull herself out of bed and walk across the room to the bathroom door. She knocked.

"Ed?"

"Yea," he replied. He walked out of the bathroom. "I'm gone, don't worry."

She tied her bathrobe around herself, taking her time to look over his bare chest. "At least stick around for breakfast."

He snorted. "Breakfast? Since when do we do breakfast?" He went to the front room to find his shoes and shirt. She followed him out and started up a pot of coffee.

"So what's her name?"

"Whose?" He slipped his shirt on.

"Whoever you substituted me for."

"We're not talking about it," he said. He sat down and pulled his shoes on.

"This one was something big, wasn't she?" She stared at him over the kitchen counter.

"Kim," he warned.

She rolled her eyes. "Excuse me. I shouldn't be surprised."

"About what?"

"Let's face it Ed, you're not boyfriend material."

"What does that mean?" He snapped his head up to her.

"Well for one, I never saw you. You never talked to me when we were together. You were always distracted by the job and by whatever ghosts you keep locked inside. It didn't bode well for us."

"'It didn't bode well for us'?" He mocked. He laughed. "No Kim. What didn't bode well for us was the fact that you're a bitch."

She smiled. "It's the reason you came after me in the first place."

"I came after you because you impressed me. The only reason we stayed together was...hell, I don't even know."

She laughed. "Admit it, sweetheart, I came at you on cross that day in court and I killed your testimony. I ripped you apart, and you loved every second of it. As soon as my case was over, I had you buying me drinks, and that much closer to my bed."

He shook his head. "You know, there were really only two things that we did well. Fighting and...well we took care of the other one last night. Let's not fight now."

"Oh, sugar, no. There was nothing _done well_ about last night," she laughed. He gave her a glare. "Stop looking at me like that. We both know you didn't come over for good sex, you came over for empty sex. You got what you needed. Next time it will be my turn to call you, and we'll go through all of this again."

He stood up and pulled on his coat. "It's no wonder why we never worked."

"Your self righteous attitude never helped," she muttered. She poured herself a cup of coffee and didn't bother offering him any. "You always thought you were better than me because you're a cop and I'm a defense attorney."

"You've defended some real assholes."

"Just like I used to defend you, when everyone told me you were worthless?" She raised her eyebrows.

He gave her a sarcastic smile. "It's always great to see you, Kim."

He headed for her door as she called after him, "Come on, Ed. So our personalities clash, it's what worked for us. We may not have been in love, but we cared about each other. And every time we tried to end it, we always came back." He ignored her and left, slamming the door shut behind him. As much as he despised the words that came out of her mouth, she was right. He was an asshole.

When he got home, Bobby was up and working slowly at getting ready for work. The crutches slowed everything down. Bobby looked up at Ed when he came in the door. "Hi."

"Hey," Ed replied. He headed for the bathroom to get his shower.

"Did you go see her?"

"Which her?"

"Olivia?"

"Nope."

"Then where-." Ed cut off Bobby's words by shutting himself in the bathroom, and cutting the water on. He needed a hot shower, with lots of soap, to wash off the night before. He stood under the water until the steam in the bathroom was too thick to breathe through. Then he grabbed his body wash and scrubbed at his skin. And scrubbed. In the solitude of his shower, all he could think about was that it was real. It was all real. She was gone. He knew it had been coming. In a way, he was hoping for it. He wanted her to have better. She deserved better. But it didn't make the pain any more tolerable.

He finally shut off the water and climbed out of the shower. He wrapped a towel around his waist, but didn't have the strength for anything more. He dropped to the floor and leaned against the wall. The bathroom was still filled with steam and it made him feel like he was locked away in some...alternate realm. Far away from reality. He wanted to stay there. He had to stay there. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back to the wall. He was never a fan of reality.


	2. Goodbye To You

**Goodbye To You**

"_It hurts to want everything and nothing at the  
same time. I want whats yours and I want whats mine.  
I want you, but I'm not giving in this time. Goodbye  
to you, goodbye to everything I thought I knew.  
You were the one I loved, the one thing that  
I tried to hold on to." _

_Michelle Branch_

Olivia woke up to her cell phone ringing. She wanted to ignore it, but she knew she had to get up and drag herself to work. She grabbed the phone and checked the caller ID. "Hi Kennedy," she yawned into the phone.

"I win."

"You win what?"

"Remember the hot man-nurse at St. Vincents that we had a bet on if he was straight or not?"

"Mm-hmm." Olivia sat up on her couch and rubbed her eyes.

"I win, he's straight."

"And you know this how?"

"Because I just left his apartment."

Olivia shook her head. "How do you do it?"

"Do what, hon?"

"How do you just have a fun, meaningless time? I used to be able to do that," she leaned her head back and shut her eyes.

"Well, now I really do sound like a slut."

"You're not, Ken. Forget I said anything."

"Besides, it's nice to know men still want me...unlike that stubborn friend of yours."

"It has nothing to do with Bobby not wanting you, he's just in a rough place right now," Olivia said, "Which seems to be a common thread between certain people."

"Everything okay?"

"No."

"What happened? Did you two have a fight again?"

"No. Well, yes, but...I broke up with him." Saying the words the first time, she felt the emotions coming back.

"Oh shit, Liv. Oh are you okay?"

"No, but I'll get over it...right?"

"I don't know," Kennedy sighed. "I'll be there in twenty minutes."

"I have to go to work."

"You and I are calling in sick today. I'm going to stop at the store and get all the best shoot-em up, kill-em up movies with girls in sexy boots kicking ass. Then I'm going to buy some junk food. Then I will be over."

"I can't skip work."

"You can, and you're going to. You didn't skip work when your mom died, you didn't skip work when a detective from your squad was shot in front of you, for once...just damn well skip," Kennedy reprimanded.

Olivia sighed. "Okay, I'll skip."

"Good. We have a double date with two wonderful men, otherwise known as Ben and Jerry."

"Chocolate chip cookie dough?"

"What else? See you in twenty. Call up your Captain, cough or something, make it convincing."

Olivia hung up and took a moment before calling up Cragen. As soon as she did, everyone was going to know something was up. She never called in sick unless she was running a fever and vomiting. But she really had no idea how she would pay attention to anything that day. A movie day with junk food and ice cream...a cliché, yes. A post-break up ceremony...one that she planned on enjoying. Not that she needed more ice cream after her little binge the night before at Elliott's, but what did it matter?

She didn't bother changing. She had come home the night before and instinctively thrown on Ed's old NYPD sweats. It wasn't until she was laying in bed, trying to sleep, that she even realized she was wearing them. She had quickly changed, then gotten back into bed. She still couldn't sleep though. Instead of thinking about the fight, the break-up, the only thing she could think about was two nights before...in her bed with him...she couldn't sleep in that bed. Not the one that he had held her in so many times. So she had gotten up and slept on the couch. Uncomfortable...but easier.

When the doorbell rang, she went and opened the door. Kennedy stood before her with grocery bags around her arms. "Hey," she stepped in and dropped everything on the kitchen counter. "I think I covered all the basics." She turned to Olivia and smiled. Olivia smiled back, but her smile wavered. "Aw, come on. Be a girl, gimmie a hug and have a cry," Kennedy said softly, wrapping her arms around Olivia.

Olivia let herself be hugged. "I don't want to cry anymore."

"Do you want to talk?"

"No."

"You wanna watch women in sexy boots kicking ass?"

Olivia laughed. "Yes, that I want to do."

"I'll never understand," Olivia said, halfway through the second movie.

"Oh it's quite easy," Kennedy pointed at the television. "See, she just realized that her boyfriend is actually an alien from the planet-"

"No, no; that I get."

"What then?"

"You and I both work the kind of job where we see all different kinds of grief and sadness, and people deal in different ways. And it still leaves me at a loss..."

Kennedy paused the movie. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm trying to understand him. I'm trying to..." she shook her head. "I didn't go through what he's gone through...I'm trying to..."

"To find a reasonable excuse to go back to him?"

Olivia glanced over. "I guess."

"Liv..."

"I know!" She rubbed her face. "I know...I can't. I just..."

"Love him?"

Olivia closed her eyes, then opened them and nodded. "Unfortunately. And...maybe I'm just a chicken running away from him. I condemned him for being scared, but yet I ran off in fear."

Kennedy took her hand. "That's different, sweetie. You weren't hurting him. He was hurting you. Maybe he didn't realize it, but he was. He needs time."

"Why did I have to fall so hard?" She pulled her hand back and hugged herself tightly. "Never. I never let myself fall like this before. Every other time a relationship has ended, I was upset...but I carried on. And now...I can't breathe." She felt her tears rising again and Kennedy pulled her over into her arms.

"Sssh," Kennedy soothed. "Forget about him, Liv. He's just being a stupid man. Hey here's a thought, how about you and me run away? Eh? We'll take off to Spain and find some hot young Spanish men. Whattya say?" Olivia laughed through her tears. "That or you could forget men all together and date women." Again, Olivia laughed. "See? Plenty of alternatives."

"You're crazy," Olivia told her friend, as she sat up and wiped her face.

"So's he."

"How will I do it?"

"You'll be you. You'll be strong. And I'll help you."

"Okay."

"And remind yourself what he was putting you through. You're not the bad guy here. Just remember..." Kennedy shrugged.

"That he doesn't love me?"

Kennedy sighed. "Just because he doesn't say it doesn't mean-"

Olivia shook her head. "Let's watch the end of the movie."


	3. Bottom Of The Barrel

**Bottom Of The Barrel**

"_I keep on livin',  
to keep from cryin'.  
I keep on dreamin',  
to keep from dyin'." _

_Amos Lee_

Bobby knocked on the bathroom door. "Ed, it's been almost an hour. I can find a way to work, but I really think you should drive me then go in yourself.."

Ed opened his eyes, still sitting against the wall, and stared at the door. Bobby had been trying to talk to him for the past twenty or so minutes, but Ed ignored him. Finally he called back, "Just go Bobby."

"At least call your Lieutenant and tell her you're sick."

Ed thought about it. He could call in sick. Then what? Sit home all day hating himself? No. No, he wanted to get his mind off of it all. He had to work. He stood, securing his towel around his waist. He stared at his reflection in the mirror and took in the stubble on his face and the bags under his eyes. He needed to shave, but he didn't have the energy for it. He looked down at the counter top and a glitter caught his eye. He picked up the silver link that was always fastened around his wrist. He wore it so much that it had become a piece of him and even taking it off and putting it back on was an action he didn't register. The sudden weight of it brought his hand down to the counter, palm up. He thought of all the times he was asked about it, especially from Olivia. And all the times he avoided telling anyone what it meant to him.

_"Good cheesecake?" He asked with a smile. Misha smiled back at him as she washed the cake down with a sip of coffee. She shrugged._

_"It was okay."_

_"Okay? It was better than okay," he argued. "It's damn good cheesecake."_

_"Fine! It's damn good cheesecake," she laughed. He nodded, his smile remaining. It was good to see her laughing._

_"Now aren't you glad you came out?" He reached across the small table that they sat at and picked up the bill._

_"Let me pay," Misha said, also reaching for the bill._

_"Yea right, with what money?" He asked. _

_"I have money. Besides it's your birthday, remember? Let me treat."_

_"I invited you out. Save your money." He yanked the bill off of the table. _

_"Thank you then." She rolled her eyes. "Actually..." she pulled something from her pocket and set it on the table. A taped up piece of newspaper. "Happy Birthday." He looked up from his wallet and glanced down at the gift._

_"What's that?" He picked it up. "You got me a present?"_

_"'Course I did. That's what friends do," she replied. She smiled as he tore the paper apart and pulled out a silver bracelet. He turned it around in his hand and studied it, then looked at her. He wasn't smiling anymore._

_"How'd you afford this?"_

_"Wasn't that expensive. Go ahead, put it on. Don't you like it?"_

_"I like it, Mish, but..." he sighed. "Where'd you get the cash for it?"_

_"Damn, Eddie, chill. I didn't steal the thing, I didn't steal money to buy it. It was like fifteen bucks on Canal." She sat up straight in a huff and threw her arms across her chest. "Jeez, try to do something nice for someone." _

_"Okay, okay," he put it around his wrist and looked at it some more, then met her eyes. "It's nice, thank you. I'm sorry I asked that."_

_Her anger vanished and she grinned. "You really like it?"_

_"Yea, I do. It's...cool. No doubt Lennie'll tease me for it," he laughed. Misha reached out and held his hand up so she could admire the bracelet on him._

_"You don't have to wear it to work."_

_"No," he said. "I'll wear it. At least til it turns my wrist green."_

He clasped the bracelet over his wrist as he had done nearly every day since she gave it to him. Over the years it hadn't turned his wrist green and it hadn't broken apart, so he had decided that it hadn't been as cheap as she'd let on. He didn't really want to know anything more about it than that. He spun the bracelet around a bit.

"Ed?" Bobby's voice called from out the door. Ed took the bracelet off of his wrist and opened the small drawer beside the sink. It was filled with the usual bathroom clutter. He pulled an ancient box of band-aids aside from the back of the drawer and lay the bracelet down. He let the box drop on top of it and pushed the drawer shut. Then he took one more deep breath, tightened his towel again, and went for the door.

When he pulled it open, Bobby looked in at him. "I'll go," Ed said. He pushed his way past Bobby and headed for his room. He got changed quickly and grabbed everything he needed. He went out to the front door and Bobby handed him a travel mug of coffee.

"You don't look too good," Bobby told him. Bobby looked Ed over and took in the unshaven, rumpled look Ed was sporting.

"And I care?" Ed took the coffee. "You couldn't have had Alex pick you up?"

Bobby just looked back blankly. Ed sighed and followed his roommate down to his car. They got in either side and Ed started to drive. "So where did you go last night?" Bobby asked.

"Saw Misha."

"All night?" Ed didn't reply. After a few blocks, "Okay, we won't talk about it. I'm just worriedl."

"And I don't see the necessity in having a heart to heart about it. She dumped me and I'm perfectly fine with it. She got to it before I broke it off with her. End of story."

Bobby wasn't convinced, but he let it go. Ed pulled up in front of the 1PP and helped Bobby out of the car and walked him to the front door, holding it open for him. Neither said anything.

He walked into the precinct and over to his desk. His partner, Nina Cassidy, was already in. She glanced up at him. "Nice of you to finally show," she said.

"Sorry," he said quietly. He sat down at his desk and booted his computer on. He glanced at his phone, but it wasn't blinking with new messages. And his cell phone hadn't rung. He pushed those thoughts away and looked at his partner. "Got anything yet?"

"No. Van Buren was looking for you, though. You're testifying for Rubirosa at 11." He nodded. "Don't worry, I told the Lieutenant you were running late because you were going over the facts for the trial."

He gave her a glance, surprised that she covered for him. He nodded again, "Okay."

She leaned back in her chair and looked at him for awhile. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," he said. He got up and went to get some coffee, leaving behind an unconvinced Nina.

"Detective Green, what did Mrs. Hayes say to you and your partner when you told her that her that you knew her husband had lied about her alibi?"

Ed looked out at ADA Connie Rubirosa from the witness stand. "She said that he was a bastard, then she proceeded in yelling the fact over and over again."

"And what did that say to you?" Rubirosa asked.

"Objection. The detective can't make assumptions!" The defense jumped up.

"Try again, Counselor," Judge Bright said.

Rubirosa took a breath, then looked at Ed again. "What happened after Mrs. Hayes' outburst, Detective?"

"We put her through a line up where she was picked out by the two witnesses."

"Thank you, Detective." Rubirosa went back to her seat.

The defense attorney stood and walked forward. "Detective Green, did my client at any point say that she killed her brother?"

Ed shifted in his seat. "Not in so many words."

"Well, did she or did she not?" The man demanded.

"No, she didn't. But-"

"And is it true that both of your 'witnesses' said that they had seen my client in her brother's apartment building that day?"

"Yes."

"And is it true that they both said that my client had a birthday cake with her, and often visited her brother?"

"Yes."

"Imagine that, a woman visiting her older brother on his birthday."

"Objection, is that a question?" Rubirosa asked.

"Withdrawn. What time was Mrs. Hayes seen at the apartment?"

"Around 9AM."

"What time was the struggle reportedly heard?"

"Just after noon."

"Thank you, no further questions." He went back to his seat.

"Redirect?" Rubirosa stood. The Judge nodded. She stayed at the desk and asked, "Detective Green, what was reportedly heard in this...struggle?"

"'If only Dad could see you now'."

Rubirosa smiled. "No further questions, Your Honor."

Ed walked with Connie out the doors of the courthouse. "I'm sorry, the defense caught me off guard."

"No, I expected that," she said. "I think we got it in redirect. After we hear from her brother's financial advisor this afternoon, there's no way the jury won't convict. She wanted their parents money and killed him for it."

Ed nodded. "Call me when you have word," he said. His quiet and low-key demeanor hadn't changed all day.

"You okay today, Green?" She asked.

"I'm fine," he said for the hundredth time. "I've gotta go meet Nina, I'll see ya."

Nina and Ed were walking back into the 2-7. "So you taking vacation time for Christmas?" She asked him.

"Uh, no. No, I'll be here."

"Not taking your girl anywhere?" He shook his head. "Well I'm going to take two days with my family. They're crazy about Christmas," she smiled. He nodded and went to his desk.

"Green," Van Buren emerged from her office and waved him over. He walked into her office, she shut the door behind him. Two men were standing in her office and Ed recognized them immediately.

"Detective Green," said Detective Jackson, offering his hand. Ed shook it, then shook Kirkpatrick's hand. He glanced at Van Buren who gave him a nervous look and sat at her desk.

"What can I do for you two?" Ed asked. "Have you found a suspect in Johnson's murder?"

"We've got our list, yes. Not much has changed though," Kirkpatrick said.

"Is it gonna go cold?"

"Would you like that?" Jackson asked calmly.

"Excuse me?"

"Green, we gotta talk," Kirkpatrick said.

"We already talked. You know I had nothing to do with it."

"No, we don't," Jackson said. "Not anymore."

"Someone name me?"

"No," Jackson replied. "We're just starting over on this. He may have been a criminal, but he _was_ murdered."

"Ed," Van Buren shook her head. She glanced at the two men. "Are you looking at my detective for this?"

"We're not looking at him, we just want to talk again," Kirkpatrick stated.

"Because if you're looking into my detective then maybe he needs his PBA rep down here."

Jackson started to speak, but his partner cut him off. "Again, Lieutenant, we just want to speak with him and see if he has any new ideas where we can go with our case. We need help."

'I'll tell you where to go with it,' Ed thought, but he forced a smile. "Fine, let's go talk."

"Ed," Van Buren started.

He gave a sharp shake of his head. "I have no reason not to." He looked them over. "Let's do this," he walked out of the office and led the two men into one of the interview rooms. They sat on one side of the table, and he sat across from them, relaxed in his chair.

"Okay Green, did any of Johnson's victim's contact you after the settlement for the deal?" Kirkpatrick asked.

"No."

"Did Johnson contact you after the meeting at Rikers?" Jackson asked.

"No."

"Care to tell us again why you were at that meeting?"

Ed gave Jackson a glare. He didn't like the guy. "Johnson told McCoy he'd talk if I showed up, so I went. He confessed."

"What was said?" Kirkpatrick asked.

"What've you heard?" Ed shot back.

"McCoy won't speak to us, neither will your ex-partner Fontana...and, well...we can't speak to Ms. Borgia." Kirkpatrick shrugged.

Ed nudged the table with his knee and narrowed his eyes. "Watch what you say about the deceased. Alex was a friend around here."

"My apologies," Kirkpatrick said quickly.

"So what did Ross tell you?" Ed got back to the subject at hand.

"He said his client explained what happened the night he killed Ms. Sullivan," Jackson replied. "From what we hear, it was gruesome."

Ed laughed. "All of Johnson's murders were gruesome. His rapes were gruesome. He was a gruesome man. No one's too upset he's dead."

"Including you?"

"Especially me, Jackson. But that doesn't mean I killed him. I haven't been to Riker's since that meeting."

"You have ways of speaking to people in Rikers, though. Through the guards?"

"This still a talk or have we moved into interrogation?" Ed crossed his arms.

"We-" Kirkpatrick started.

"Save it," Ed said. "Don't play games with me, Kirkpatrick. I'm not falling for your good boy routine." He leaned over the table. "Johnson was scum. It would have been a waste of good money keeping him alive." He stood and leaned over the table even more. "If I'd had the chance, I would have killed him myself. Put my hands around his neck and squeezed the breath from his lungs. But I had _nothing_ to do with his death. You want to come after me? Come after me. But while you do, you'll be losing your chance to go after the guy that did it." He stood and headed for the door.

"Hey Green, we just-" Kirkpatrick stood.

Ed whipped around with a smile. "Really, kid, you _don't_ want to start with me today. I've got some real anger going on...it could just...erupt any minute."

"That a threat?" Kirkpatrick stood, dropping his act. "I've heard about that anger of yours...doesn't look good for you."

Ed stepped forward and stared the man down. Jackson stood too, but Ed put a hand in his face. "Really...if you'd come in yesterday...we'd be good...tomorrow...maybe. But today?" He took another step forward. "Don't fuck with me today," he whispered. Kirkpatrick stepped backwards. Nina, who had been passing by the open door, stepped in and took Ed's arm.

"Come on, Green. Leave the little boys alone," she glared at the detectives and pulled Ed out of the room. Ed's entire body was tense as he was dragged over to his desk. "What are you thinking Ed? They're just looking for a reason to launch an investigation on you."

"Not today," he said. He looked down at his partner and jutted his thumb back to the room. "They come near me again today and I'm hurting them."

"Okay, let's go then. We'll grab some coffee and head over the the M.E.'s office. Rodger's just called."

He nodded. They got their coats on and watched the two detectives nod to Van Buren, then leave. Van Buren went over to Ed and Nina. "So?"

"They're gonna go after him," Nina said. Van Buren looked at the floor, then she and Nina both looked at Ed.

"I'll make some calls," the Lieutenant said to Ed. He nodded and headed out the door, Nina jogged after to keep up with him. They got outside and went to the nearest cart. Nina bought two cups of coffee and handed him one.

"It'll be okay," she said.

He leaned against the wall of the building and stared past her shoulder. He started laughing. "Damn, I should have just stayed home today."

Nina gave him yet another curious look. "I'm not gonna ask you again if you're okay. Just talk when you want."

He sighed and glanced around, then looked at her. They had only been partners for a few months, and they hadn't quite become friends. They worked well together, and got along. He had stopped wishing for his old partner back and had accepted her. But they weren't quite friends. "I just had a bad night yesterday," he said. He took a sip of his coffee.

She nodded. "Guess today's not much better."

"No. Not at all."


	4. Drowning To Forget

**Drowning To Forget**

"I spoke to their Captain and he's reigning them in. He said he told them not to come talk to you," Van Buren told Ed at the end of the day. Ed only nodded. "Just relax. It might help things if you apologize for-."

"No," he shook his head and looked her in the eye. "I'm not apologizing for anything. They can apologize to me."

Van Buren looked at him across the desk. "I'm only asking this one time. You tell me the truth and I'll help you any way I can." He moved his eyes to the floor, knowing what was coming. "Did you arrange Johnson's murder?"

Ed sat still for a moment then stood up. He stared at Van Buren. "Come on Lieutenant. We both know it's best for you, my boss, to stay out of this." He turned for the door and flung it open.

"Ed!" She got up and started around her desk. "You might want to think twice about that attitude."

He stopped and turned to her. "I did not kill Paul Johnson," he said evenly. He turned and walked away. He grabbed his jacket and left the building.

He took off down the street. His mood had been mostly down all day, but now the anger was coming up and he didn't care about his actions. He pulled out his cell phone and called Olivia on her house line. The machine kicked on after several rings. "I was good to you. Yea, I could have been better...but I was there. It was three months. Three! You expect me to just be ready to settle in with a happy ending after three months? Live in reality, Liv. You're the one that screwed us up this time. Don't blame it on me. I'm...I was there." He hung up and nodded. That had made him feel a bit better. He let out a long breath and realized he did have somewhere to go. He headed to the 1PP.

Olivia and Kennedy sat up straight on the couch in a stunned silence. Kennedy looked over at Olivia, who had a wide eyed stare going into the wall. The apartment was silent. When the machine had come on, they paused their movie so Olivia could screen the call. If only she'd checked the caller ID first. Olivia felt a wave of emotions all at once. Embarrassment firstly, that Kennedy had heard it. And hurt, and...somewhere in there was anger, but mostly it was hurt. More hurt. More pain.

"Olivia," Kennedy started.

"No," she said in a sharp whisper. She stood up and turned off the TV. "I'm sorry, Ken. I need you to leave."

Kennedy stood up. "No, I'm not-"

"Please. I can't...I want to be alone."

"Okay...okay I'll go. But you call me...any hour...I'll be here."

Olivia shrugged. "I'm going to work. I don't need anything."

Kennedy stared at Olivia. "Why? Don't do this today, just-"

"You know what? This is stupid. Yea, I dumped him yesterday. Life goes on. It doesn't matter. I'll get over it. My life is about my job, and I'm going to get back to it. It's all that matters." She headed to her room to get changed. "You can see your way out."

Ed sat at Bobby's desk and pawed through one of the random books hanging around. He'd been there for an hour and already he was calming down. Some. He was waiting for Bobby to finish up a talk with Alex and Captain Ross. Finally, Bobby walked over. "How are you?"

Ed glanced up. "They wanna investigate me. For Johnson's murder."

"Did you tell them you didn't do it?"

"Did I..." He started laughing for real. He dropped his head on the desk, laughing. Bobby just waited. Ed leaned back and looked at his roommate. "Yea, yea I told them I didn't do it. More than once. You expect them to believe me? You don't. Van Buren doesn't."

"Who believes you doesn't matter. What matters is that you not let these guys get to you. You stay out of their way, and if they ask your help you give it."

"Yea...sure."

"Let's go get a pizza. A couple beers."

"I just want to go home and go to bed, B."

"You sure?"

Ed nodded. "You remember me telling you about my ex? Kim?"

"Cold hearted, beautiful, studied defense law but sticks to corporate most of the time?"

"That'd be her...that's where I was last night."

Bobby shook his head. "Okay, let's go. I'm buying."

"I told you I don't want-"

"Stand up, let's go. Pizza and beer was five minutes ago." Bobby clipped his briefcase shut and started walking away. Ed got up and followed. They ended up at Bobby's favorite diner.

"What are we doing here?" Ed asked, walking in behind Bobby.

"What do you think?" Bobby slid into an empty booth and settled himself in. When the waitress came over he gave her a smile.

"How are you gentlemen tonight?" She asked. "What to drink?" She started to place menu's down, but Bobby shook his head. He placed his hand over hers.

"No menu's tonight, Julia. We would like two orders of fries and two shakes. One vanilla, one strawberry." He was overdoing the charm, at it was working. Julia smiled back to him through her thick glasses.

"Right away." She tucked her pen behind her ear, gave Bobby a wink, and walked away. Ed laughed.

"I'll never understand you, Iggy."

"That would be my goal," Bobby nodded. "So...are we going to talk about it?"

"No. No, we are not talking about it." Ed stretched his arm out over the back of the booth. "We're going to sit here, enjoy 'the remedy', and not talk about it."

"Fair enough. What about the Johnson thing?"

Ed shrugged. "The detectives on the case have nothing better to do. They can't find any leads, or if they can they're too scared to go after them. Blaming me is the easy route. Cop with a temper wins every time."

"Don't worry about it. You've got nothing to hide and nothing for them to dig up on you. They'll poke around until there's nothing left to poke, then they'll be gone." Their milkshakes and fries were put down before them. Julia had given Bobby extra whipped cream on his milkshake.

"What're you doing here?" Elliott asked Olivia, as she walked over to their desks.

"Hoping there's something I can do," she said.

"Cap said you were sick." He watched her sit down and shrug out of her coat. "You don't need to-"

"I do, El, I do need to be here." She looked at him. "You get it, don't you?"

He thought, then nodded. "Yea, I get it." He leaned forward and handed her a folder. "I was worried I'd be here all night, but maybe I'll get to leave now."

"What is it?"

"Got a girl in the hospital. DCFS pulled her from her home today and took her to get looked over, discovered she'd been raped."

"By who?"

"Don't know. Fin and I spoke to the parents, who are both being held for abuse and negligence. They're being arraigned tomorrow. Didn't get anything out of them, they're still claiming they're perfect parents. The girl's 13, she wouldn't talk to either of us. Maybe you can go visit her. They're keeping her over night."

Olivia nodded, reading over the file. "She's got _five_ younger siblings? Where are they all?"

Elliott shook his head. "All over the place. They were all checked over too, but none seem to have been sexually abused. They were sent out to different homes for the night." That was one fact that clearly bothered him.

"When did the call come in?"

"Few hours ago, so we haven't gotten far with it. Tomorrow we can go to her school and talk to her teachers and friends."

"I'll go visit her. Anything else I can do?"

"Kill a couple hours, then go home."

She nodded. "We'll see." She stood to go see the Captain. "You gonna work a bit longer or go home?"

"I'll go back to the hospital with you," he sighed. "I already told Cragen I would. Let Fin go home."

"Where's John today?"

"He was in court most of the day, but he took off early. His guy got off and he wasn't too happy."

"You mean the guy with the-" Elliott nodded, and she didn't finish the statement. She shuddered. "Bastard. Okay, give me a minute and we'll head out." She went to Cragen's door and knocked.

"Come in," he called from the other side. She went in and shut the door behind her. "Olivia. You feeling better?"

She nodded. "I thought I'd come in for a bit, see where I'm needed. Elliott was filling me in on the Rae Gallow case."

Cragen set down his pen. "You think you can talk to the girl?"

"Yes."

"Okay, I'll send Fin home. I don't want you and Elliott working too late, though. If you start to feel sick again-"

"It was a short bug," she said. "He's gone. It's gone, I mean. Over. It's over," she stuttered quickly.

The Captain eyed her. "You lying to me about something, Liv?"

"No. I'd just like to work, and to talk to Rae."

"Go on then. If she hasn't said anything by...8, then go home."

She pulled a chair up by the young girl's bed and sat down. Elliott stood in the corner of the room out of the way. "Hi Rae," she said softly. "My name is Olivia." The girl glanced away from the television for a moment to Olivia, then went back to watching her show. "Would it be okay if we talked for a bit? Can I turn off the TV?" The girl shrugged, and Olivia took that as a yes. She turned off the TV and looked at the girl again. "How are you doing?"

"Where are my brothers and sisters?" Rae asked sadly.

"I'm not sure. I could speak with your social worker, though."

"I need to take care of them. Is Erika okay?"

"How old is Erika?"

"She's nine, she has autism. Did they leave her alone? She's better when she's with one of us."

"I don't know. I'll look into it."

"And Stevie can't sleep without his Elmo."

Olivia pulled out her pad and wrote down, Stevie – Elmo. "How old is Stevie?"

"Four."

"What else should I tell the social worker?"

"Cassie is scared of lighting. She's seven." Olivia wrote that down and looked back to Rae. "And Howie, he's ten, he gets mad easy but he can't help it. He's not bad...don't let them punish him." Olivia nodded and wrote that down. "And Wesley is the baby. He's one. His favorite person is Howie...he should be with Howie."

Olivia wrote it all down and sighed. "I'll see what I can do, Rae. You know what would really help them though?" The girl looked at her. "If you tell me about your parents. Tell me what they did to all of you. And tell me who raped you."

The girl had tears slip down her eyes. "I wasn't raped. That's disgusting."

"Rae if your father did this, you need to tell me. Do you want your brothers and sisters to go back into that home with your parents? You want your father to do this to them?" Olivia hated the scare tactic, but she had to use it.

Rae wiped her eyes. "My dad didn't rape me. He wouldn't do that."

"Then what did he do?"

"He worked. He worked and he took care of us and he was tired. That's why I had to do stuff."

"Where was your mom?" Rae shrugged and looked away. "Okay, we won't talk about your parents. Why don't you tell me about school? Do you like school?"

"No," the girl whispered. Olivia looked up at Elliott who stared at Rae, then met Olivia's gaze. Well that gave them something to start with.

"Okay, Rae. How about I call the nurse and get your dinner in here?" Olivia offered. "And while you eat, my partner and I will make some calls about the kids."

Rae nodded. "Please."

"We'll be back," she said, stroking the girls hair. She got up and walked out the door, Elliott followed.

"That's more than Fin or I could get from her," he commented.

"We need more, but my first guess would be that the mom's pretty absent...maybe the abuser. She seems to want to defend her dad, maybe he's the good guy in all of this. Mostly, I get the sense there's someone at her school that might have information on the rape. If Dad was doing it...it'd be more likely he'd be going after the other girls, too. Especially Erika, who wouldn't..." She trailed off, not wanting to finish the thought.

Elliott nodded. "I agree for now. Why don't I call this social worker and get some numbers for where the kids are being held? We'll split up the list and make some calls."

"Sounds good."

"I'm glad you decided to come in."

"Me too," she replied.

"It's gonna be okay," he told her.

"Tell me that tomorrow."


	5. A Long December

**A Long December**

"_A long December and there's reason to believe,  
maybe this year will be better than the last.  
I can't remember the last thing that you said as you were leavin'.  
Now the days go by so fast." _

_Counting Crows_

The following day at work, Ed was finishing up a call with Rubirosa. He thanked her and hung up. "Guilty," he said to Nina.

She smiled, "Good. Told you it'd work out."

He nodded absently and glanced up as a delivery man walked through the precinct. "Lookin' for an Ed Green," the man said. Ed raised his hand a bit and the guy walked over and handed him a small package and a slip. "Sign." Ed signed and thanked the man, then watched him leave.

"Whadja get?" Nina asked curiously.

"Not sure," he said. He glanced the box over, then tensed up when he saw the logo. He knew what it was right away. "Damn," he muttered.

"What?" Nina asked.

He shook his head and popped the packaging open, then shook the contents into his hand. A long, slender, red velvet case fell into his fingers. The company's popular logo was on the top of the case, in thick silver lettering. With a resigned sigh, he popped the case open. And there it was. Just as he'd wanted it. He stared at a thin, silver chain. The kind of chain that was timid. The kind of chain that if slid in your hand, was like water dripping down. Although the chain was more two pieces. They connected in the back at the clasp, and each side fell down to their own small diamonds. Between the two baby stones, was the word 'strength' in a cursive, glittering silver script. He exhaled. It was perfect. Her wanted to touch the necklace, but he couldn't. It was perfect. It was her.

He snapped the box shut and dropped it into a drawer, then he stood up and walked out of the room. He needed to find air. He needed to remember how to breathe. He pushed his way into the bathroom and went over to the sink. The cold water ran from the faucet and he threw it onto his face, freezing any emotion wanting to show. He stood back and ran his hands over his face, hair, and neck, and stared into the mirror. He'd forgotten. It hadn't been on his mind, and he had forgotten that her Christmas gift was already taken care of. He'd just been waiting for the delivery.

He grabbed some paper towels and patted his face down and exhaled again. He'd have to return it. Get his money back. Not that he cared about the money, but he didn't want the necklace. It was her necklace, what could he do but return it?

As he walked out of the bathroom, a familiar face caught his eye. The man walked over to him. "Ed," he said with a nod.

"Elliott," Ed nodded back.

"Can we talk?"

"Now?"

"Please."

"What do you want?" Ed wasn't in the mood to chat with Olivia's partner. He'd been in a strange mood for the past two days, but the anger was starting to return.

"To talk."

Ed rolled his eyes. "Yea, fine." He walked to the door, not waiting for Elliott to follow. They went outside and Ed turned around. "What? You wanna beat me up? Tell me I'm a jerk for hurting her? Gonna tell me to stay away from her? What?" Ed's fists were tight at his sides and Elliott just stood calmly watching him.

"No."

"Then what?"

"I just came by to check on you."

"To check on me," Ed repeated, forcing a laugh. "Since when are we friends?"

"Green!" Elliott snapped. "She's my partner, okay? And my best friend. I don't know what happened..." he shrugged. "Okay, I can guess...but I don't know. She won't talk to me."

"So you came to get the story from me? Sorry, I'm not-"

"No. I came to check on you. Look, like I said I don't know. I don't know what you two had, but I know that whatever it was...I've never seen her as happy as she was."

Ed glanced at the ground for a moment, then looked at Elliott. "She wasn't happy...I wasn't keeping her happy. That's what happened."

Elliott nodded, but didn't respond. The two stood in the afterthoughts of Ed's remark. Elliott looked around the street slowly. "We do what we can," he said. Ed nodded. "Well, then y'know...whatever you two said to each other..." he glanced at Ed. "I know what I saw these past months. Anyway, that's all. I just wanted to check on you. I'll see you around." He stuck his hand out and Ed accepted it and shook it.

Then, before he let go, Ed squeezed Elliott's hand tight and dragged him closer, gritting his teeth. He took a breath. "Take care of her," he said above a whisper. Then he dropped Elliott's hand and went inside.

He went back to his desk and threw out the wrappings from the package and left the case in his desk. He'd go by the store later that week to see about returning it.

"So any more news on the Johnson case?" Nina asked.

He looked up at her. "No. They haven't contacted me since yesterday, so maybe that's it." He shrugged. "I honestly can't think about it now."

She nodded. "I noticed."

His eyes took on a glare. "And?"

She held her hands up defensively, "Never mind. Moving on, I just got a return call from our vic's boss. You wanna head over there and talk to him?"

Ed nodded and stood. "Yea, let's go."

It was the day of Christmas Eve when Ed finally found himself at the jewelry store. His day was going unbearably slow, and the guy he was working with for the two days Nina was gone was getting under his skin. There wasn't hardly anyone working those two days, and equally not many people were dying. So during his lunch break, he went to the store. He pulled the door open and slipped in. He ignored all the Christmas decorations and the "Closing at 4pm" sign, and he tried to ignore the muzak carols playing on the loud system. He had nothing against Christmas, he just didn't usually do much. Which, of course, upset his family every year. They'd rather he be with them than at work, but work was important to him. Plus he wanted to let the other people from his squad, who had spouses and kids, to be with them. So he worked.

"Good afternoon," the salesman greeted Ed.

Ed smiled and walked over. "Hi. I need to make a return."

"Oh?" Ed handed the man the red case and receipt. The man looked it all over, then shut the case and handed it back to Ed. "Certainly you were told that we do not make returns on special orders, unless they are incorrect?"

Ed seemed to remember something about that. "Why? There's nothing wrong with it."

"Policy, Sir."

"But you can sell this to someone else. It's...it's not personalized or anything. I'm sure someone else will want it."

"Yes, but you see that was a specialized piece. It's not something we usually offer," the man smiled.

Ed shook his head. "Incompetent," he said before walking off. He headed back to the 2-7, wondering what he was supposed to do with the necklace.

That night, he went home and let himself into the apartment. He nearly ran into Bobby, who was all dressed up. "Merry Christmas," Bobby said, looking Ed over.

"Merry Christmas," Ed nodded. "Where you off to?"

"Visit my mom. Bring her a gift," he held up the bag. "Would you like to come along?"

"No, I don't want to impose."

"You won't be."

"Another time, Iggy. Go on without me."

Bobby nodded but didn't move. "Are you okay?."

"I'm..." he shook his head. "I tried to return her gift...they wouldn't take it back, and I didn't feel like arguing."

"What'd you buy?" Bobby asked. Ed pulled the case from his jacket pocket and handed it to him. Bobby opened it and stared at it, then nodded. "She would have loved it."

"That doesn't matter," Ed cleared his throat uncomfortably. "What should I do?"

"Want me to try and talk to the jeweler for you?"

"Would you?"

Bobby nodded. "I'll take care of it."

"Thanks, B."

Bobby headed out the door and turned back. "You sure you don't want to join me?"

"I'm sure. I'm just going to bed," Ed replied. Bobby nodded and waved, then left.

Ed dropped the jewelry box on the side table, where Bobby could find it, then went to the kitchen to fix some food. He pulled open the fridge, but didn't see much of anything. He glanced over and noticed the answering machine was flashing. He reached over and hit play.

"Hey, Green," came Joe Fontana's voice. Ed's last partner. "It's been awhile, I just thought I'd see how you're doing. Have a Merry Christmas, and don't work too hard," he laughed and hung up. The machine beeped and the next message came on.

"Merry Christmas, baby. I had fun last week. Call if you get cold tonight," Kim crooned. He rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"Not likely, _baby_," he muttered. He couldn't say that he never knew what he saw in her, because it was obvious. She was absolutely gorgeous, she was successful and smart, and...oh yea, gorgeous. He had met her in the "between" years of Misha, and never got serious about her. She never got serious about him either. They dated on and off for several months, but were never exclusive. He had learned fast that behind her expensive suits, great body, and sharp fights in the courtroom; was an equally sharp woman, who was in love with herself and her job, and wanted a man just like her. Ed was not that man. No, there was no way he was calling her that night.

The machine beeped again. "Once again, it's Christmas Eve and my boy isn't here. What am I going to do with you?" His mothers voice called through the apartment. "We miss you, son. We all love you. Tell that nice friend of yours, Bobby, tell him Merry Christmas from us." He sighed. He did miss his family. He always had second thoughts about skipping Christmas when he heard his mom's voice like that, but then he would remember the times he did go home for the holidays, and he would enjoy the peace and quiet of being alone instead.

Once more, the machine beeped. Ed wondered if Bobby had even bothered checking the messages. Most likely not. Bobby wouldn't expect any calls. "Merry Christmas," the last message was quiet. Quick. He almost missed it. But he didn't. He turned and replayed the message and listened to Olivia's voice send out a brief, "Merry Christmas." He shook his head and sighed. He deleted all the messages and went to bed without dinner.


	6. I Will Never Be The Same

_AN: Comments equal happiness, comments are love, comments let me know how you feel!_

* * *

**I Will Never Be The Same**

"_But I, I will never be the same  
Oh I, I will never be the same  
Caught in your eyes  
Lost in your name  
I will never be the same."_

_Melissa Etheridge _

Bobby stepped out of the building and ducked under the crime scene tape. His partner, Alex Eames, followed him while she scribbled something on her notepad. He stopped and waited while she finished.

In all fairness, murder, death, and the like were not good things. This he knew. Blood and body parts were not supposed to be all over the place. Regardless, he couldn't shake the good mood he was in, nor could he rid the small smile that kept appearing on his lips. It felt good to be back. Back at work for real, not just sitting at his desk. It also felt wonderful to be rid of the crutches he had been sporting for so long, and have them traded in for a sleek black cane. Though he didn't usually care about appearance, he had to admit that the cane added a little something extra. And he had to love it, he was told he'd be using it for at least the next three months.

After all the time in the hospital, the time stuck at home, and then being stuck at his desk, he was finally starting to feel good. To feel semi-happy again. Two weeks into the New Year, and he was feeling pretty positive about it all. Positive...that in itself was strange. Maybe that had something to do with nearly dying.

"We'll have to talk to the wife," Eames' voice broke through his thoughts.

Bobby looked down to her. "Right. They took her to the ER." He headed over to one of the EMT buses that was still hanging around, unneeded. He knocked on the back door and after a moment it popped open.

A pair of bright green eyes and a thin wry smile looked out at him. "Why Detective Goren, I'd heard you were back but I'm happy to see it."

He raised his head and looked into the woman's eyes before him. She was crouched in the back of her bus in her EMT gear, and a cap with her hair up; a much different look than when he'd met her months before. "Kennedy Oliver," he said.

She nodded. "You remember me. Last time I saw you, you were laying in a bed wearing nothing but a paper towel."

Bobby felt the color rise in his cheeks and tried to fight the smile forcing itself onto his face. "Yes, I remember. You're Olivia's friend. We spoke about Germany."

"We did." She grinned. "I'm sorry I missed your release party at the park. Liv invited me, but I got tied up. Sadly not in the good way...Anyway, I want to apologize for the night we met. Olivia sorta sprung me in there and I think you weren't quite ready for it."

"No. It's alright," he replied, trying to figure the strange woman out.

"Sucks what's going on with her and Ed. I wasn't always the guy's biggest fan, but I liked him."

"Yes...yes. I haven't seen much of her lately, how is she holding up?"

"I haven't seen much of her either. She's gone back to being Ms. Workaholic and sitting home alone," Kennedy said.

Beside Bobby, Alex cleared her throat. He looked down at her, then back at Kennedy. "Uhm, right." He cleared his throat. "What's the story with the wife?"

"Oh, Ricky took her to the ER. She was stable, but GSW to the hip...well who knows. She was out of it, so I don't think you'll be getting her statement anytime soon."

"Thank you. I guess we'll head down to the hospital and check on her," Alex said.

"No prob, bob," Kennedy said to her. Then she looked at Bobby, her eyes glowed and her smile returned to her lips. "See you around, Detective. Maybe you can do that paper towel thing for me again one day." She winked and pulled the doors shut.

Bobby stood still for a moment, smiling. His partner elbowed him. "Paper towel, eh?"

He looked at her and brushed the smile away. "What?"

"What?" She laughed. "I think I should be the one asking what. Who was that?"

He started walking to the car and she followed. "No one," he lied. "A friend of Olivia's."

"I do believe you're blushing, Goren," Alex teased.

When Bobby got into work the next morning, there was a present waiting for him. He sat down at his desk and stared at it. It was a roll of Bounty paper towels, with a green bow on top. He picked it up and held it in one hand, then the other and rolled it around. Eames hadn't arrived yet, as he always got there first, and it wasn't really her style of teasing him. He smiled. It was very obviously from Kennedy. "Hey Franklin," he called to a co-worker. The man turned. "Did you see anyone drop this off?"

"No. What is that? Paper towels?" Franklin had a look on his face that Bobby was used to getting from people. The 'what is up with this guy and how do I walk away without looking too rude' look. Bobby ignored it and turned back to his desk.

It wasn't long before Eames walked in. She dropped her purse in the drawer of her desk and sat down, with raised eyebrows in Bobby's direction. "What's that about?"

He looked at her and again tried to hide his smile. He set the paper towels on the side of his desk. "I don't know. They were here when I arrived."

"What did you do to impress this woman so much?" Alex asked.

"I was me."

"Oh, that would do it," she nodded.

"She, uh...she came to see me while I was in the hospital. When Ed and Olivia were still together they were trying to match us...they brought her to see me when I couldn't run away," he raised his eyes to her. "Literally, of course. So she saw me in the hospital bed in that horrible gown."

"Enter the paper towel joke," Eames nodded. "Well she's cute, you should ask her out."

He slowly shook his head. "No...I mean, yes. She is attractive. But no..." he cleared his throat. He wasn't used to such conversations with his partner. "We have a trial to get ready for."

"You do," she corrected. "Carver wants to rattle this woman, he's definitely putting you up there. Don't worry, I'll watch." She picked up her phone to check her messages. "Any word on the wife of yesterday's case?"

"No. The hospital should be calling us as soon as she wakes."

"You still think she did it?"

"Yes," he said simply. He let her be and pretended to work on his computer, but he shot a sideways glance at the paper towels again and smiled. His phone rang and he grabbed for it. "Goren."

"Hey Bobby," a voice said warmly to him.

"Olivia Benson, to what do I owe the pleasure? I've been trying to reach you for weeks."

"I hear you ran into Kennedy yesterday," she said, not wanting to talk about the past weeks.

"I did," he replied.

"She really likes you, Bobby," Olivia pressed.

"She doesn't know me."

"I do. I've told her how wonderful you are, so she has something to work from."

"Wonderful?"

"Stop doubting yourself. I only called to tell you that I'm not pushing this anymore, but if you decide on your own that you want to call her I will give you her number."

"I'll think about it."

"Good. I'll see ya, Bobby."

"Hey Liv?" He asked before she hung up.

"Yea?"

"How are you?"

A long silence followed and he heard her sigh deeply. "You know I love you Bobby, but you're his best friend. I can't..."

"You can. If you ever need to, you can. I'm not going to try to push his side on you and I won't tell him anything you say to me. You're my friend, too."

"Thank you...really. I'm...I miss him. I miss being around him."

"He misses you, too. He just won't say so."

"I know. But hey, I've got to go. People are starting to walk in and they don't need to hear my drama. Call me when you want Kennie's number."

"Bye Liv," he said. He hung up and looked over at his partner. She was going over notes.

"All set?" She asked. He nodded and they gathered their things and left.

During recess, Alex and Bobby sat in the court cafeteria having their lunch. Bobby hung up his cell phone. "Wife's still out. Logan and Wheeler are working on the other facts."

"I'd rather be on that case than sitting in court."

Bobby nodded. "Unfortunately," he stole her pickle, "some people have to be cracked on the stand."

"You're welcome," she muttered, watching her pickle disappear.

"Detective Goren, you wouldn't be following me would you?" They both looked up to see Kennedy and her partner standing over them.

"I'll get the coffee," her partner said walking off.

"Hello Kennedy," Bobby said. "I don't think I introduced you to my partner, Alex Eames."

The women shook hands. "Interesting world, really. I keep running into you." She smiled at Bobby. He was beginning to like her smile.

"Would you two care to join us?" He asked.

"Yes, I would...but we have to run. We were just dropping something off with Zack's mom, she's a judge here."

"Have you been to One Police Plaza recently?" He asked her.

"Maybe," she smiled. "Why do you ask?"

"No...no reason." He looked down at his food.

"I guess I'll see you the next time I run into you," she said. He looked up at her and nodded. Then she said something to him in German. Alex watched as Bobby blushed worse than she had ever seen. He raised his eyebrows to Kennedy and opened his mouth. Then shut it. Then opened it again, then shut. Then Kennedy winked and left.

"_What_ did she say to you?"

Bobby turned to her, his mouth still trying to form words. He licked his lips and laughed under his breath. He repeated what she had said.

"I got that, what does it mean?" Alex asked. Bobby shook his head and went back to his meal. His face and neck were slowly losing the redness. "Come on, Goren. She left you speechless. You. Speechless. Something I've never seen."

"Eames if I told you what she said, not only would you never look at me the same again, but you would have to file a sexual harassment report on me."

She sighed. "Okay, don't tell me. I have Google."

Across the city, Ed was in the middle of a fight with his partner. "Why do you have to assume she did it?" Nina snapped, rolling her eyes. Her hands were already on her hips. All familiar looks to Ed by now.

"Cuz she did?" Ed shrugged and leaned back in his chair to look up at her.

"Yea, but it's the boyfriend that has the motive!"

"She's got motive, too!"

"Why would she kill her brother's girlfriend?"

"Why do women do anything?" He leaned back over his desk.

"Oh, don't even make this a battle of the sexes," she said. She sat at her desk and looked over at him. "It's right there Ed. The girlfriend was gonna leave him for beating her, he didn't want her to leave so he killed her. His own sister wouldn't deny that he beat his girl!"

"And his sister and girlfriend hated each other. Maybe sis didn't want to see her brother upset."

"So it's okay for him to beat on women?"

Ed groaned and rubbed his eyes. "No! No, it's not okay! But I know what-"

"Uh-uh. Sorry, Ed. I've been here a few months now. I'm not innocently falling for your 'more experience means I'm right' routine."

"You're impossible," he jumped up and went to pour himself some coffee.

"Look who's talking," she said under her breath. He came back to his desk and sat down. "It was him."

Van Buren walked over to them, having overheard the fight. "Ed, I'm really getting tired of saying this and even more tired of seeing her face when I say it, but...listen to your partner."

Nina gloated and Ed grumbled. "Fine, you think he did it? Let's bring him in for questioning."

"That's all I want," she said.

Olivia and Elliott walked into the squad room. "Rae looked happy," Olivia commented.

Elliott nodded. "She should be. All the kids are finally back together with their dad, Mom's locked up until the trial. The teacher, Mom's 'special friend', is locked up and not getting near Rae again."

Olivia nodded. "I just wish we could have gotten them back together for Christmas."

"Yea, but they've got a lot of Christmases to look forward to." They sat down at their desks and he watched her go through her new routine of glancing at her phone for a message, checking her cell phone for a missed call, and eying her computer for email notifications. Then there followed the normal hidden disappointment. Except when there was a message or email, then the flicker of disappoint was delayed a moment.

She'd never admit it, but she was always looking for something from Ed. Even so, she still refused to discuss it or to do much anything except work late, go home, and come in early. Every time Ed was mentioned, she tensed up and ignored it. She was doing a good job at making it look like she was done with it all, but she didn't fool Elliott or Kennedy. Her two best friends had been timid around her for weeks, trying to get her to talk, but she wouldn't. She didn't see the point in it.

Ed was on his way out the door for the night when Van Buren pulled him into her office. "You gotta cut her some slack, Ed."

"Why?"

"Whatever is going on with you, leave it _out_ of the office. Cassidy's just trying to do her job."

"It's got nothing to do with my personal life, Lieu. We didn't agree on who did it."

"You two haven't been 'agreeing' for weeks."

He sighed, "Yea, I'll work on it. That all?"

"No. It's not." She looked down at her desk and pushed some papers around, then looked back at him. "You need to watch yourself this week. I got a tip...IAB's around."

"What?"

"Your friends on the Johnson case got IAB on their trail, and now they're sniffing around. It's only a matter of time before they come talk to you."

"What does that mean?"

"It means, they're going to talk to you. Be careful."

"You don't think..."

"I don't know."

Ed was only too happy to finally go home. His mind was full. Between the case, and the Johnson case, and IAB...plus the usual Olivia/Misha thoughts...he was just ready to be home. He went to the kitchen and grabbed a box of leftover Chinese food and headed for his room.

"Hey Ed," Bobby called from the living room. Ed stopped and stood in the living room. "Guess who I ran into today?" Ed shrugged. "Kennedy Oliver."

Ed slowly nodded, processing. "And I should care because...?"

Bobby's smile faded. "No reason. I, uh...sorry."

"No. Sorry. It's just...you know..."

"I wasn't mentioning it because she's Liv's friend...I mentioned it because she flirted with me both times, and I think..."

Ed finally smiled. "You like her?"

"She's...interesting. Don't you think so?"

"She's very interesting."

"Well, I just wanted to tell you I saw her today," Bobby summed up quietly. He went back to his files, ending the conversation.

Ed went on to his room. He felt bad. He'd been pretty rude and unavailable to his friend lately, but at the same time he didn't really care about playing nice. He wasn't in the mood for nice. He was just in the mood for sleep. That's one of the few things he did anymore.


	7. Falling For The First Time

**Falling For The First Time**

"_I'm so cool, too bad I'm a loser  
I'm so smart, too bad I can't get anything figured out  
I'm so brave, too bad I'm a baby  
I'm so fly, that's probably why it  
feels just like I'm falling for the first time."_

_Barenaked Ladies_

Bobby couldn't stop thinking about Kennedy the next few days. He honestly hadn't given her much thought before. He'd met her months ago, and had heard his friends talking about her, but it had never been much of an issue to him. But after running into her two days in a row, and meeting her outside of the hospital walls, he just couldn't get her off his mind. He found her to be extremely intriguing. She had a quick wit, with the ability to throw out innuendo in an almost endearing way. If a man said the things she said, he'd be called a pig. If most women said them, she'd be called a tease. But Kennedy...no, she was interesting. Not only that, but she was also gorgeous. That was one thing Bobby had to accept the first time they met. She was very beautiful with her green eyes and glittering smile. Just as he started wondering what her skin might feel like under his fingers, his thoughts were interrupted by his partner.

"Goren, pay attention," she said, giving him a slap in the shoulder.

"Sorry," he shook his head and went back to watching the building across the street.

"You should call her," Alex said.

"Who?"

She gave him a smile and shook her head. "Who? The girl that's been on your mind all week, Kennedy."

"She hasn't been on my mind all week," he protested.

"So you weren't thinking about her blue eyes just now?"

"They're green," he corrected, not missing a beat. He glanced at her when she laughed, and he realized he'd been caught. "Well...I mean...they are."

"Right. Just call the woman, Bobby. Call her, get yourself out on a date, take advantage of the fact that you're alive and walking around." He silently took in her words. "Oh, now we got some action!" She pointed to the door of the building, and Bobby finally focused.

After a successful confession, Bobby was in a very good mood. He barely worked up a sweat on the interrogation and the wimp broke. It was disappointing, but a relief as well. He sat at his desk and stared at the roll of paper towels that had been sitting there all week. His partner had a point. He needed to be living. He remembered the unbearable thoughts he'd been forced to have while lying in his hospital bed. The thoughts that he might never return to work, that he may never have the choice to start a family, and that he might just never stand again. He shook his head a bit. He didn't want to step back from things anymore. No, he wanted to take Kennedy out.

He dialed Olivia on his cell phone before he could change his mind. "Benson," her voice came on the phone. She didn't sound good at all.

"Hi," he said.

"Hey Bobby," she sighed.

"Are you okay?"

"Not really, and I'm not in the mood to talk about it," she answered.

"Okay," his good mood was taking a slow dive. He hated that two of his favorite people were making each other so miserable.

"Did you need something?"

"Oh. No. No, I'll let you go."

She sighed, "Damnit Bobby, just talk to me. I'm sick of people treating me like some accident scene."

"I just...well I wanted to call you and-uh...and get Kennedy's phone number."

"Yea?"

"Yea," he answered.

"You've just made my day a little more pleasant."

He chuckled. "I'm glad I could help."

"So you're going to take her out?"

"If she accepts my offer, yes I will."

"Don't be a fool, she's going to say yes. Call her." Olivia spouted off Kennedy's phone number real fast, and Bobby quickly grabbed a pen and copied it down.

"Thank you, Olivia," he said. "If you want to call me later, I'll be around."

"Don't worry about me."

"I can't help it." He hung up and stared at the piece of paper before him.

"Is that what I think it is?" Alex asked, leaning over his shoulder.

He turned his head to her, then nodded. "Kennedy's phone number."

"In that case," she picked up his desk phone and dialed the number, then handed him the receiver.

"I wasn't-" he started to object.

"It's ringing," she grinned. He gave her an annoyed look, but took the phone to his ear.

The other line picked up and Kennedy's voice came on the line. "Talk fast, cause time ain't cheap and I am."

Bobby, ready to say hello, closed his mouth. Then he opened it and stuttered a bit, not quite ready for that kind of greeting. He was wondering what he was getting himself into with this woman. "Kennedy?" He asked.

"For you, baby, I could be," she said in her best Puss N Boots impersonation. Then she assumed her normal voice. "Who be you?"

"I-uh-I be Bobby," he said uncertainly, but with a smile hinting at his lips. Alex just watched in amusement.

"Be it so?" Kennedy exclaimed, happily.

"It be," he was full on smiling. He couldn't believe the banter she'd drawn him into.

"You've got a very sexy phone voice, Bobby, did you know that?"

"You're a very forward woman," he told her.

"Only when I want something."

"You certainly know how to intrigue a person."

"Are you intrigued, Bobby?"

"Yes, I believe I am."

"Then are you taking me to dinner tonight?"

"That was my reason for calling, yes."

"Where are you taking me?"

"I hadn't thought that far ahead."

"Name the first food you think of right...now," she said quickly.

"Uhh, rueban on rye."

"Ooh, I like the way you think. Why don't you pick me up six?" She asked.

He was starting to wonder who had called who. "Well, I don't think I'll-"

"Bobby, rueban on rye waits for no one."

"You're right, Kennedy. I'll pick you up at six."

"Beautiful idea." She gave him her address. "I will see you tonight."

"Tonight," he replied. He hung up and ran his hand over his smiling lips.

"Wow," Alex stated. He glanced at her and tried to wipe his smile away.

"We're having dinner," he said.

Alex smiled. "It's about time."

"Detective Green, may we have a word?"

Ed looked up and saw a man and woman standing before his desk. He glanced over and shared a look with Nina. He knew who they were, but still asked, "Depends. Who are you?"

"We'd like to talk to you about Paul Johnson," the woman said.

"He's dead," Ed replied.

"Precisely why we'd like to speak with you, Detective."

"Kirkpatrick and Jackson talk to you?"

"Maybe we should do this in private," the man eyed Nina.

"Okay," Ed stood up.

"Ed," Nina hissed. She gave him a look.

"It's fine," he told her. "They just want a friendly chat." The three went into an interview room. "So they told you I did it, right?"

"Did you?" The man asked.

"I'm sorry, I still don't know who you are."

"I'm Gregory, he's Tillman. IAB," the woman said.

Ed smiled. "That's what I thought. And since you asked so nicely, no. I didn't kill Johnson."

"Any clues who did?"

Ed shrugged. "Not my case. Not my problem."

"Should be your problem. He was your case. He killed an old friend of yours," Tillman said.

Ed straightened at the mention of her, but pushed it off. "Yea, then he went to jail. I did all I could to make him pay, legally. That's how it works." He got rid of the attitude and looked them over seriously. "Look, I hated the bastard, but I believe in the law. I did not have him killed."

"We appreciate your honesty," Gregory replied.

"Then you believe me?"

"No." They got up and walked from the room. "We'll be in touch, Detective."

Ed followed them out and met Van Buren out the door. "Green. How long have you had a badge? You use those brains of yours to maybe think talking to them wasn't the best idea?"

"No," he said. He stalked over to his desk and plopped down in his chair. When everyone stopped watching him and got back to work, he looked over at Nina. "Think they'll be talking to other people about me?"

She shrugged. "Hey, I'm the new kid remember?" She asked in an uninterested tone. Then she picked up her phone to make a call. Ed sighed, and got back to his computer, knowing he deserved the cold shoulder.

Bobby was nervous. Very nervous. He hadn't been on a date since before the accident, and even then it had been awhile. To add to it, none of the more recent dates had really worked out. For once, though, he wouldn't be the more unique personality at the table, so that was already an improvement.

He took a breath, then walked up to her stoop. He hit the buzzer, and after a moment she stuck her head out an apartment window two stories up. "Hey Bobby, speaker's broke. I'll be right down."

He looked up at her and smiled. "I'll be here," he replied. He stepped back and leaned against the stone wall of the steps. He crossed his arms, then uncrossed them. He stood up straight, then went back to leaning on the wall. Then he stood up straight again. The door opened and Kennedy walked out. She was wearing an emerald sweater and khaki's, and a white coat.

"Good evening," he said with a slight nod.

"Good evening," she replied.

"You look...very beautiful."

"Thank you."

He held a hand out to his car. "Shall we?"

She smiled. "Yes."

The drive to dinner was a little awkward and very quiet. When they arrived, he helped her from the car and held the diner's door open for her. They sat down at a booth and glanced over the menus.

"Oooh," she said brightly. "They have Belgin waffles!"

He smiled. "I thought you wanted a reuban?"

"I did. But they have Belgin waffles. That's, like, a required order if it's on the menu."

"It is?"

"Yes. And you have to get it with whipped cream and strawberries."

"That so?"

"It's the only way," she shrugged and set her menu down. "And lucky for us, they serve breakfast 24/7."

"Does this mean I won't loose points for bringing you to a diner?"

"No, you gain points," she met his eyes and smiled. He smiled back as the waitress walked up for their orders.

"Belgin waffles all the way and coffee," Kennedy said.

Bobby put his menu down, "I'll have the same."

Kennedy raised her eyebrows. "Brave man."

He just smiled. When they got their coffee, they eased into conversation. "So how did you become a paramedic?"

She took a sip of her coffee. "Well...I've always had a thing for taking care of people. Before I went to Germany, I was a candy striper. Then I went to Germany. And as I told you, I was there teaching kids English. I also helped out in the Children's Ward of the hospital...you know, read to sick kids and such. It was heart-breaking, but good. But-uh, once I came home I knew I wanted to do something. I wasn't up for going after the doctor label, so I took my training and became an EMT."

"How long was the training?"

"Two years."

"Have you always lived in the city?"

"No," she smiled and leaned forward, leaving it at that. "And you? Why are you a cop, Bobby?"

"The shiny badge attracted me," he joked.

She laughed, "Fair enough."

He smiled and drank some of his coffee. "Liv, uh, she never told me how you two met."

"Through the job," she said. "Familiar faces from the field. Years back, she broke my partner's heart. He was into her, asked her out, and after two dates she told him it wouldn't work. Zack was devastated. Of course, only a month later he met his wife. We got friendlier through that, but really it was this one night...me and Zack picked up a real bad ride. One of those things you just...never want to see again. Liv and her partner showed up for the case and Liv rode with us to the hospital and we both ended up sitting around the ER off duty. Afterwards, we went to get some drinks and ease the day away. Our friendship sprouted from there. We don't get out too much, though, because she's addicted to the job. Until she started seeing Ed." Bobby nodded. "Then I saw her even less, but at least we spoke on the phone a lot. She's one of my few real girl friends."

"I've noticed that a lot of women in jobs like ours tend to be surrounded by male friends."

"We work in a man's field."

"How long have you been partnered with Zack?" He asked.

"Seven years...feels longer. He was my first partner, I was his rookie. What about you and your partner?"

"Six years. Longest partnership I've ever had. Most people aren't...overly fond of me."

"Good thing I'm not most people," she replied. They smiled at each other as their food was placed before them. Bobby looked down at his plate and felt a bit intimidated by the food. Not Kennedy, she plunged right in. "How's Ed?" She asked.

Bobby thought the question over for a long time. "Honestly? He's not great. Mostly he's real quiet...out of it. I thought I'd see more anger, but really it only pops up in intervals...I'm worried, but he won't let me do anything. He avoids me."

"Yea, same with Liv. She won't come out at all. I try to talk about it and she shuts me down. I mean, I gotta admit, there were times I wasn't sure about their relationship...but she was happy with him. He was good for her."

"I think it's very hard...to let yourself be completely you with a person. Especially when you tie in fears and expectations."

"Do you have a hard time being you?"

"I have a hard time _not_ being me. It's what usually leads to trouble."

"Mmm," she nodded. He was momentarily distracted by her licking strawberry sauce from her lips. She noticed. She raised an eyebrow at him and he blushed.

"Did you know that...that waffle irons were, uh, used ages ago in Scotland? The different clans, they would put their crest on the iron's. Their waffles would then be...be marked."

She shook her head. "I had no idea."

He nodded, feeling nervous all the sudden. He wished he hadn't just said that. "Sorry."

"No, I like useless information."

He grinned. "I have a lot of useless information."

"So tell me, Bobby. Why do two grown men like yourself and Ed share an apartment?"

The waitress cleared their plates and refilled their coffee. "Uh...did Olivia tell you about...about what he went through a year ago?"

She was quiet for a moment, then nodded. "Right. His friend. The poor guy. It was on the news. He testified. Olivia didn't tell me much about it, but I know the basics."

Bobby nodded and placed a hand under his chin. "It was a difficult case. We all worked it together. Ed ended up needing a place to stay after it all, so I lent him my couch. Then it progressed to letting him move into the spare bedroom and...he stayed."

"You like having a roommate?"

"I do actually. I never had a roommate when I was young...and really...he's like a brother."

"Do you have brothers?"

Bobby moved his gaze to the table and sighed, then he looked back at her. "Let's not talk about our families tonight." He watched her eyes flick out to the window, and loose a bit of the glitter, then they fell back on his as if nothing had happened.

"I think that's a wonderful idea." She dropped her hand over his.

He liked the feeling of her hand. He pulled his other hand from his chin and drank his coffee. "Why me?" He asked, after some time.

"Why you what?"

"You could have your pick of men...why go after me?"

"Because...I've seen you around. At the crime scene I've seen you work. I've seen you with witnesses...you struck me. Something about...I don't know. They way you carry yourself and the way you work," she shrugged. "And, of course, there was the intense sexual attraction." She grinned and he smiled back with a shake of his head.

They sat there forever. Talking and not talking. By the time Bobby walked her to her door, he was completely smitten. They stared at each other for a moment. Bobby had his hands in his pockets, nervous like a school boy. "Goodnight Kennedy. I hope we do this again soon."

"We will," she replied confidently. He nodded. When an awkward minute had passed, she raised an eyebrow. "You gonna make a move or not?"

"I'm trying to be a gentleman," his eyes fell to the ground and his teeth tugged at his bottom lip.

"I won't think any less of you," she said softly, stepping forward. He raised his eyes and waited briefly, then reached out for her cheek and ran his thumb against it. He bent down and took her lips with a very gentle kiss. She pressed her body close to his. He looked down into her open eyes. "See?" She said, breathlessly, "Perfect gentleman." She gave him one last smile, and slipped into her building. "Night Bobby," she said as she shut the door. Bobby stood on the steps for a moment, then he went to his car. As he drove home he couldn't stop smiling.


	8. Book Clubs And Memories

**Book Clubs And Memories  
**

Ed didn't hear much from IAB over the following weeks. Not much meaning nothing. It stressed him out and he wasn't sure what to make of it. He had spoken with Jack McCoy over the phone, and McCoy told him not to worry. Told him that IAB hadn't gone snooping at the DA's office yet, so they couldn't be too concerned with it being Ed. It didn't reassure him.

Then there was the fact that he and Nina were snipping at each other daily. He was snipping at everyone else around the 2-7, and doing all he could to not snipe at Van Buren.

He was losing sleep. At night, at least. He made up for it by sleeping in every morning, and being late to work. Which only caused more tension between him and Cassidy. He couldn't help it. He didn't try to help it. He was getting to the point of wondering if it even mattered. For all he knew, he might be losing his job soon.

And his health was getting to him, as well. He was feeling, more and more, an aching burn in his gut. It was at it's worst when he was worrying about the job, or laying up unable to sleep...or when he thought of Olivia and the three months he'd spent with her. He didn't think about Misha. He didn't let himself. He didn't visit her grave. He didn't let himself. He still blamed her for it all. He blamed everyone but himself. He didn't want to blame himself anymore. The way he saw it, he had done what he could. He was good to Liv, spent time with her, had fun with her. If she wanted to dump him because he wasn't serious enough about her, in her eyes, then he could care less. He was over it. All of it.

Olivia wasn't doing much better. Still stuck in the job, still avoiding her social life in all ways. She wasn't letting herself mope, and she wasn't letting herself think about him. She was aware of the fact that Bobby and Kennedy had been on a couple dates, and that brought her some cheer. She still spoke to Kennedy every few days, but never about herself. Just about the Bobby/Kennedy stuff. Which was the current subject of the current phone call.

"He's funny, Liv. You never told me his great sense of humor," Kennedy went on.

"I'll be honest, I haven't seen a lot of his humor. But I don't doubt it."

"And, damn girl. Did I tell you about his kisses?"

Olivia chuckled. "Many times. Something about fire, heat, and...what? Walking on air? Floating on cloud nine?"

"I doubt I've ever used the words 'walking on air' or 'could nine' about any man. Including this one. But this one...wow. He's just..."

"Don't fall too fast."

"I'm not. We've only been out a few times, but it's been great. He's got some amazing stories."

"That's great, Kennie. Really. I'm happy for you both," she said gently.

"Aw, I'm bringing you down, aren't I? I'm sorry."

"No, it's not your fault," she sighed. "I've gotta get back to work, though. Tell Bobby hi for me."

"I will."

Olivia hung up her phone and stared at the computer for awhile. She pulled up her in-box and stared at all the emails that were not from Ed. In fact, when she scrolled up she had one email that she had never deleted. The last one he had sent. She had done well at hiding most reminders of him, but that one she had to look at every so often. She glanced around to make sure Elliott wasn't around and no one else was watching, then she opened the old email. It had been written a few days before the break-up.

_I'm at my desk waiting for my partner to show up for work, and wondering why I rushed out of your bed this morning. What do you say we meet back there in 10 minutes? Oh, never mind, she's here. Something else I can hold against her. Just had to let you know that you're on my mind. Call you tonight._

She stared at the screen, her finger lingering over the mouse. She let the letters blur before her eyes so that she could no longer make them out, then she clicked on 'delete' before she could change her mind. She shut her email down and forced it all from her mind, then forced herself back into her work. A better place for her focus.

Bobby was finishing up at work when he happened to glance up and see Kennedy walk into the squad room. He studied her. She was wearing a pair of old ratty jeans, a dark blue over sized hoodie sweatshirt, and her EMT cap. The bill of the hat was pulled tightly over her face. She walked over and stopped at his desk.

"Hey," she said softly.

He smiled up at her, trying to see her eyes under the cap. "Hi. What are you doing here?"

She shrugged and pulled a chair next to his desk. "In the neighborhood," she replied. She sat down and nervously tapped her finger on the armrest of the chair.

"Something's wrong," he stated. She was subdued. Her usual large personality seemed suddenly small and withdrawn. "Just in the neighborhood?"

"I was walking around and ended up nearby. I wanted to let you know that tonight isn't a good night for the arcade."

He leaned forward and gave her a small smile, then turned her cap backwards so he could see her face. "I didn't really want to go to the arcade," he admitted. He looked into her eyes. They were a grubby, dark sea color. Shades darker than what they usually were. Bobby knew something was definitely wrong. "What's going on?" Her eyes focused on something over his shoulder and he saw tiredness, stress, and anger behind her stare. "What is it?"

She turned her eyes to him in the closeness of space, and her chin trembled. "I screwed up an emergency tracheotomy this afternoon. An old man died because of it."

He tentatively set a hand on her knee, then feeling more confident about it, put his other hand to her arm. "Things happen," he said quietly. "Things we can't control or fix."

"I've done hundreds of those...I've never..."

"I'm sure you did what you could," he soothed.

She pulled back. "Tell that to the man that died."

Bobby rested his arms to his knees and remained bent over, watching her. "Give me five minutes to finish up here. We'll leave."

"I didn't mean to-"

"Give me five minutes," he said again. He gave her arm a squeeze, then pulled back and stood up.

Bobby stacked his papers and files and headed for Ross' office. Eames cut him off on the way. "She okay?" Alex asked with a nod to Kennedy.

"Rough day. I'm going to drive her home."

"Go ahead," Alex nodded.

"Will you...?" He held the files out and looked at Ross' door.

"I got it. Go on." Alex took the files from him. "And if I have to tell you once more to walk with your damn cane, I _will_ call that Physical Therapist of yours," she scolded.

He rolled his eyes, but still picked up his cane from beside his desk. He pulled Kennedy out of the chair and put his jacket over her shoulders. "Come on," he said. He led her outside and down to the car. The drive to her apartment was devoid of conversation, which was unusual between the two. He parked in front of her apartment and looked over at her. "Want me to walk you in?"

She turned from the window and looked at him. She undid her seat belt and leaned over, holding her hand to his cheek. She pressed her mouth to his and kissed him. Then she pulled back, stroked his face slowly, and looked at him. "Come up and keep me company?"

"If that's what you want," he whispered.

"It's what I want."

They stepped into her apartment, of which Bobby had not yet been in. He looked around. It was definitely Kennedy's apartment. A bit messy, but organized mess. She had a wide range of stuff. From tacky knick-knacks to beautiful artwork. All of it amused him and gave him plenty to look at.

"I'm just gonna wash up," she said, walking off to her room. Bobby nodded and wandered around to continue his examination. He was looking over a picture on the wall when she emerged from her room and stepped to his side. "That's me with my folks. I was seven."

"It looks like a happy family," he commented. Her mom was smiling, and she and her dad were laughing. She had her dad's grin. She didn't reply, but instead walked to the living room. It was a small apartment. Much smaller than his. One bedroom, a little living room, and a small kitchen with a little table to eat at.

"I would offer that we could watch TV, but I don't have cable and I don't get a lot on my five channels. We could watch a movie though." She turned and found him looking over her bookshelf instead.

"You have a lot of the classics."

"My mom loved them. Especially Jane Austin. They were my bedtime stories when I was a kid."

Bobby glanced at her and smiled. "No _Sleeping Beauty_?"

"Sometimes, but usually I preferred my mom's books. They're what I learned to read on. And when she got sick, I read them to her."

He turned again. "Sick?"

She came to his side and nodded, glancing over the books. "Yea. She died when I was thirteen."

"I'm sorry."

She shrugged it off. "My dad would pick on us," she remembered fondly. "Used to tell my mom that I should be reading Lewis Carroll."

"Did anyone tell him that Lewis Carroll was a very strange man and that his stories have a lot of deeper issues than it seems?"

She laughed. "No, but anyone who doesn't think _Alice In Wonderland_ was an acid trip is just in denial."

He nodded, enjoying her laughter. He ran his hand across some of the books and pulled one down, then headed for the couch. "Come on." He sat down and kicked his shoes off.

"What?" She asked, eying him curiously.

"We're gonna read."

"Are we?"

He nodded and spread his legs across the couch, leaning back against the arm. He looked at her, waiting. After a moment, she gave in and went to the couch. She climbed between him and the back of the couch and he dropped his arm around her. She leaned down in the crook of his arm, against his chest, and looked at the book in his hand. "Smart man," she commented. "You picked my favorite."

"Did I?" He opened up the book to the first page. "_To Kill A Mocking Bird_," he said. He flipped to the next page and began reading to her. She closed her eyes and let the sound of his voice, and the movement of his chest while he spoke, relax her.

Bobby was only three chapters into the book when he realized she was asleep. He looked down at her. She looked calm. Much better than earlier. He closed the book slowly and set it at his side. Then he pushed his lips against the top of her head, and moved down a bit on the couch. He tightened his arm around her, closed his eyes, and enjoyed the feel of it all until he drifted to sleep.

When Ed got home that night, the apartment was empty. Of course, it was never unusual for Bobby to work late. Ed went to the kitchen and fixed himself some food. While the microwave was going, he looked through the cabinets aimlessly. He stopped when he found a bottle in the back of one cabinet. He pulled it out. It was an empty wine bottle from when Olivia would stay over. He pulled the cork out and stuck his nose in the bottle. It smelled like the wine. He sighed and pushed the cork back in. Then, before his brain could stop his hand, he threw it against the floor. He looked at the broken glass, and nodded. It had felt good. Real good. He grabbed his food from the microwave and took it to the couch, where he turned on the first distracting program he could find. He wouldn't admit it. He would just watch TV and eat his boring frozen dinner. Not admit that he missed her.


	9. Tears And Rain

**Tears And Rain**

"_How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;  
hold memory close at hand,  
help me understand the years.  
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.  
How I wish I would save my soul.  
I'm so cold from fear."_

_James Blunt _

Ed was working at his desk when Nina walked in and set her belongings down. "Good morning, Ed," she said, attempting a cheery attitude.

He glanced up and gave her a brief wave. "Yea."

She sat down. "Have you ever heard of a new start to a new year?"

He looked up at her, again, then sighed. "Sorry Nina. I just..." he shook his head. "It's barely a month into the year and I'm...tired."

"I've noticed. Look, you ever need to talk...I'll listen."

"I appreciate it, but there's nothing to talk about. We gotta run to the M.E. whenever you're ready to go. She's got some new facts for McCoy's case that she wants us to see."

"Okay, give me a minute," she said.

He nodded as his computer beeped, announcing he had new email. He pulled up his in-box and his stomach lurched when he saw it was from Olivia. He didn't want to read it...oh who was he kidding? Of course he did.

_Ed,_

_The necklace is beautiful. I wish you hadn't, but thank you. I hope one day I'll be able to wear it._

_Olivia_

He read it several times, and he still didn't understand. He hadn't sent her the necklace. He hadn't even seen the thing in weeks, ever since he gave it to...he shook his head. No, no, no Bobby...what did he do?

Ed stood fast and Nina looked up. "Something wrong?" She asked.

"No. I just need to have a word with someone while we're at the 1PP."

They went to see Rodgers and got the papers, then Ed took the elevator up to MCS. Nina followed. When the elevator doors slid open, Ed spotted his roommate leaving the small hallway. He jumped from the elevator, grabbed Bobby, and dragged him back to the area before the elevators where they could have semi-privacy. Nina crept out to the squad room, having learned fast when to get out of Ed's way.

"Ed? What's-" Bobby started.

"No," Ed snapped. "You don't talk." He paced for a moment, too angry to form words. He whipped around on Bobby. "You...what gives you the right to butt into my life? Huh? Tell me!"

"Calm down."

"Don't tell me to calm down! I asked you to return her necklace! Not give it to her!"

"What is wrong with-"

"Everything! Everything is wrong with it!"

"You're over-reacting Ed." Bobby shook his head. "She needs to see that you do care. Despite it all, you care. You planned that gift in advance, which means you were thinking of the future. Which means-"

Ed laughed bitterly. "I know _you_ are not giving me relationship advice."

"Excuse me?"

"You! Telling me how to deal with my ex?"

Bobby tensed up. "Ed..."

"What do you know?! When was the last time you had a girl, huh?"

"Don't bring my life into this, this is about you. You're being a moron and it's about time you realize it."

"Enlighten me, Bobby. Please. I want you, who doesn't date, who doesn't make friends, who would rather be the NYPD _freak_, to tell me where I'm going wrong in my life! Oh, excuse me, you are dating someone now, right? Though from what I've heard, it's not hard to get with her, so it doesn't say _that_ much about you." Bobby's fist met Ed's face. Ed was shocked for a moment, then threw a punch back. They scuffled for a bit until Nina and Mike Logan jumped in and pulled them apart. Nina dragged Ed closer to the elevator, Mike was barely able to contain Bobby.

"And who are you?!" Bobby thundered. "You...you just push everyone away! You force people to leave you, because you are too scared to have anyone know you! You are terrified of people leaving you and of letting them down, so you push them away before they can!"

"You don't know what you're talking about!" Ed tried to break free of Nina, but she was freakishly stronger than she appeared.

"When will you get it Ed?! Women like her...they are rare! She was good for you! She was kind and she took care of you! She loved you and accepted you! Most of us would kill for what you had! And you just let her walk away! Stop moping around, stop being angry with everyone, it's your fault she left you!" He stopped fighting Mike and just stood there.

"So that's what this is about," Ed laughed. "You jealous? You in love with my girl?"

Bobby rolled his eyes. "For one, she isn't your girl anymore and for two...don't be ridiculous."

"Ed, let's go," Nina said quietly.

He ignored her. "No Bobby, it's all very clear now. All those friendly chats, the innocent flirting...she was only being_ nice_ to you."

"Hey!" Bobby barked. "Don't try that! I..." he shook his head. "It's not even worth it," he said quietly. He turned and started to walk off, then stopped and turned back. "I've got someone...you can...you can think what you want about me, but you don't know her. You haven't tried. Treat me how you want, but.." he waved his hand. Ed didn't have a reply. They glared at each other. Bobby took a breath and relaxed. "You have two weeks to find somewhere else to live." Then he did walk off.

Ed spun around and got on the elevator, with Nina close behind. He was silent as they rode down and went outside. "You okay?" She asked gently as they walked down the sidewalk.

"Fine."

"Ed.."

"Know what Cassidy?" He turned on her. "We're partners. Not friends. When will you get that? Leave me alone and let's do the damn job."

She raised her eyebrows and held a hand up. "Oh no. Uh-uh. First off, _Green_, I'm fed up with you talking to me like that. Secondly, how about you go home and I'll do this on my own today. I don't want to accidentally shoot any important parts off your body." She snatched the car keys from him and stalked off.

Ed closed his eyes and took two deep breaths. He felt his entire body shaking. He opened his eyes in time to see Elliott and Olivia trying to sneak past. He let out a laugh and they stopped. "Of course," he said. "_Of course_ I'd run into you today."

"I...we..." she stammered, pointing to the door.

"We were trying to get in before you saw us," Elliott translated. "I'll just..." he ran off inside. Olivia looked after him like she wanted to kill him. She forced a smile to Ed.

"Did you get my email this morning?"

"Yea. Bobby sent you the necklace. He wasn't supposed to."

"Oh. If you want I-"

"No. Keep it," he wanted to turn and run, but as angry as he was he couldn't stop staring at her. She looked the same, but she also seemed to have changed so much in the weeks since he had last seen her.

"What happened to you?" She pointed to his ruffled clothes and swelling lip.

"Nothing," he replied. She didn't believe him, but nodded and let it go.

"IAB came to talk to us this week," she announced after awhile. We didn't..." she shook her head. "They didn't get anything from us."

"Good," he nodded.

"Well...I'll..." she pointed to the door again. Just then, a hand full of fresh-pressed rookies came flooding out and knocked into Olivia. She got shoved against Ed and on reflex he caught her in his arms. Both of their heartbeats sped up. She caught a whiff of his aftershave and soap and it burned through her and set her brain to fuzz. Her hair brushed his skin and his hand slowly ran over her back. He looked down at her and she held his gaze for a moment, then looked down. "Too close," she murmured. He quickly let go and backed off.

"Uh...I..." he avoided looking at her. "You look...you look good."

"Let's not do that," she said before turning and walking away from him.

He clenched his fists and made himself start to walk. He didn't know where he was going, but he was getting far away from where he was.

Olivia found Elliott waiting outside the M.E.'s office and punched his shoulder. "I can't believe you ran off on me."

"Do you know how awkward that was for me?" He asked.

"For you?" She laughed, then leaned her head against the wall next to him.

"That bad?"

"He touched me," she whined.

"Uh...did you use a condom?"

She pulled back and hit him again. "Insensitive jerk."

He smiled. "I'm sorry, Liv. But, look, it's over and you two can go on avoiding each other."

"Yea...you're right." They went to walk in the door and she frowned. "He was just...damn hot today."

Elliott stifled a laugh. "Yea...I've got no reply for that."

Before they left the building, Olivia went for the elevator. "Mind if I drop in on Goren? I haven't seen him in awhile."

Elliott shrugged. He still wasn't overly fond of the man, but he'd go up for her. "Okay."

Olivia walked over to Bobby's desk. He looked up at her. He too looked a little scuffled. "What happened to you?"

He broke into a smile. "Hey, Liv. It's nothing."

"Funny. Ed said the same thing."

"You saw Ed?"

"Yea...just now."

"Oh," Bobby cleared his throat.

She glanced at Eames who was smiling at her paperwork, then looked back at Bobby. "Bobby, what happened?"

"Don't worry about it." He took her hand and gave it a squeeze. "How've you been?" She shrugged. "Well give Kennie a call, she's worried."

Olivia nodded and smiled. "How are things with you two? Still hitting it off?"

She watched as a blush rose in his cheeks and his lips slid into a smile. "You could say that."

"Care to elaborate? I've heard what Ken thinks of you, but..."

"She's...I don't think I have the words yet," he said.

She nodded. "Okay, I'll accept that." She ruffled his hair. Ever since spending so much time looking after him, she had a big fuzzy spot for him in her heart and she couldn't knock the feeling of wanting to take care of him as if he were her kid brother. Despite the fact that he was older. "Why don't you two meet me for dinner this week? I'll call Kennie and set it up."

"Okay," he nodded.

She bent down and hugged his back, then took a moment to quietly ask him, "Really...how is he?"

"Ah...a mess, Liv. He's a mess."

"Take care of him." She straightened up. "Okay, where'd my partner go?"

Ed walked for a long time, and jumped on the subway. With each passing minute, his anger remained and grew. He soon found himself walking back and forth in front of Misha's graveyard. He just couldn't go in. He didn't want to. He hadn't been in over a month, not since the night Olivia broke up with him. His cell phone ringing cut into his thoughts. He checked the caller ID, and saw that it was his Lieutenant. He knew he had to pick up.

"Yea."

"I was going to call and yell at you, but you sound horrible."

"I-"

"Cassidy said you were sick. Take the day off." She sighed, knowing full and well he wasn't ill. "Ed, go see Skoda."

"I don't-"

"I'm not saying this as your boss, but as your friend. Go talk to Skoda."

"Yea," he said. "Maybe."

"See you tomorrow. I hope this bug passes."

Ed looked into the graveyard. He couldn't do it. He turned and went into the nearest alley he could find. He walked down and stopped before a dumpster, then proceeded in treating it as his personal punching bag. He punched and kicked it madly until he couldn't breathe. He stopped and looked down at his bloody hands. It was as though they weren't even his. He ran his hands over his face and tried to breathe. Maybe the Lieutenant was right. Maybe he needed to see Skoda.

He knocked on the doctor's door. Skoda opened it and looked him over. "Van Buren said you'd be by. Come in." Ed walked in. "What happened to you?"

Ed looked at Skoda, then at his hands. The blood had started to dry. He was only vaguely aware that he'd smudged it on his face, too. He shook his head. "I...I-uh...don't know."

Skoda went to a small sink in the corner of his office and wet a towel, then handed it to Ed. Ed sat down and cleaned himself up. Skoda waited. Ed placed the towel down and sat back.

"I haven't seen you in awhile. Not since before the sniper attacks. Tell me about that."

"My friend Goren...he was shot. He was almost paralyzed."

"That had to be frustrating."

"Yea, but I knew he'd pull through. And...I-uh..." He picked up a pen, something to hold in his hands and distract himself. "I was seeing someone."

"Really?"

"Yea...Olivia."

Skoda nodded. "You two had a rocky start if I recall." Ed sighed. He didn't want to talk about Olivia. He didn't want to talk about anything. "What happened there?" Skoda pressed. Ed shrugged, focused on the pen between his fingers. "Okay, then tell me what's going on. Tell me where you are right now."

Ed's hand trembled. It was right there, on his lips, but he couldn't say it. He didn't want to say it out loud. He didn't want anyone to see what he felt. "I..." He closed his eyes briefly, then opened them. "I don't...I don't know how to...I want to change. I want...make me stop feeling...all this," he whispered, his eyes went to the floor. "Make me control my anger and words...because they ruin everything." He looked up at Skoda, hating the tears in his eyes. He gripped onto the pen tightly as he could. "Just make me someone else. Please...make me someone else."


	10. Too Late

**Too Late**

"_But it's too late  
to think of what I've left behind  
-dreams that have faded from view.  
Too late, too late,  
I've burned all my bridges with you."_

_Fisher _

Skoda studied Ed for awhile. "Only you can change yourself. I'm worried, Ed. You were doing so well when we last spoke. We were cutting back our visits and you were feeling more positive about everything. You were visiting Misha regularly, and creating your own therapy through it. How is that going?"

Ed leaned forward and pressed his mouth against his hand. He hadn't admitted, out loud, yet that he'd stopped going. He bit his bottom lip hard and closed his eyes. "I don't go," he said finally. He didn't open his eyes.

"Why not?" Ed shook his head. "Okay, then how do you feel about not going?"

"I betrayed her. Again." He wiped his eyes quickly and pushed the emotions back.

"Ed. Why did you stop visiting her?" Skoda asked again.

He ducked his head as a few more tears escaped him. His hands clasped around the back of his neck. "Because I hate what I've..._who_ I've turned into."

"Who's that?"

"Someone who...who fell in love and couldn't deal with it...someone who will never be...the man I want to be."

"What's wrong with the man you are?"

"It used to be easy," Ed brought his head up. "I was a cop." He jabbed the air with his finger. "I did the job, and that was it. I dated...but...it was always...simple. It was easy." He breathed, finally able to control the tears and bury them.

"What changed?"

"I met Misha."

"And so you blame her for your life. You're punishing her by not visiting her grave."

"Because of her I started feeling. And it hurts. Because of her I grew close to Liv...and to Bobby...and my partners." He shook his head. "I started letting them affect me...mean something to me...and I'm losing it all. They're all giving up on me." He had a painful lump in his throat that he couldn't swallow.

"I know this is a hard place for you, but you need to explore it. So I want to know more about Olivia. Your relationship."

Ed shook his head and sat back. "We don't have one anymore. She broke up with me last month."

"What happened?" Ed shrugged. "You do know."

"She wanted to be serious...I didn't. She wanted to use the word love, and I couldn't. So she left me."

"But you did love her? Isn't that what you said earlier?"

Ed looked up. "I did? Well, there you go. That's...that's the only time I've said it...but yea. I do love her. How can I not? She's...beautiful, kind, smart...she made every day...something. And she was good to me. Unbelievably good, and patient."

"Do you wish you had told her? To avoid the break up?"

"No. No, I'm glad it ended. It would have sooner or later."

Skoda let the room remain silent for several minutes, then he shifted in his seat and cleared his throat. "Will you let me tell you what I think?" Ed shrugged. "Okay, I think this has nothing to do with you being sad about your friend dying."

"Excuse me?" Ed snapped his head up to Skoda.

"No. I don't think you miss her. I don't think you regret letting her run away."

"How can you...of course I do. I've told you all that. Like I said, she was a sister to me and-"

"I think the real issue here is that you're scared and find an easy excuse in Misha. An excuse for your fear and turmoil. The tragedy that happened to Misha gives you an out." He watched as Ed started to get pissed off. "You don't want to be in pain. You don't want to be rejected. You don't want to loose the people you love, so you cut yourself off. You tell yourself that you can't protect anyone. You tell yourself you can't fix anyone. You tell yourself you aren't deserving. You do that long enough, and your loved ones leave. They leave and you're free. You don't have to worry about them leaving you because you already sent them away." Skoda raised his eyebrows to Ed. Ed said nothing, just stared at the floor. "By sending people away, by cutting them off, you don't have to hurt."

"So?" He finally spoke up. He glanced at Skoda. "Maybe being alone is easier. No one to disappoint, no one to hurt. If I'm alone then I don't have to worry about caring for someone and then losing it. Being alone means I've got no one to worry about but myself."

"Fear."

"No, it's not fear. It's rational."

"Is it?"

"Yes."

"Rational to let Misha run away and eventually die, because...why let her know you care enough to help?"

"I tried to-"

"Break the heart of the woman you love, because it's better than her knowing who you are."

"That's not-"

"And at what point will the rational thing to do be eating your gun?"

"Never," he shook his head. "I'm not like that."

"How are you then? Force someone else to eat your gun? Next time be the one that kills Johnson?"

"Why are you-" Ed leaned forward, his voice agitated.

"Because I want you to _wake up_. I want you to listen to what you tell yourself everyday, and evaluate it. I don't want you to be rational, I want you to be emotional. I want you to say what you really feel, and not make it up. I want you to be sad, or depressed, or whatever you need to be, instead of angry. You internalize so much until you can make it all anger. From now on, that won't fly in here." He let the words hang in the air for a bit, then said quietly. "Take a breath." Ed did, then slowly let it out. "We're done for today. I want you to come back in three days, okay? If you can't, then I'm going to recommend you for time off."

"Not like I've a choice," Ed said quietly.

"Think over what I said, but more importantly think over what you've said. Think over your thoughts. Evaluate them. Have something for me next visit."

Ed nodded and led himself out the door, completely lost in his thoughts. As he left the building his cell phone rang. He answered it without looking at the caller ID. "What?"

"Hi," came Kim's voice. He closed his eyes and shook his head, letting out a slow exhale.

"What do you want?"

"You've been avoiding me."

"Yea, I have. What do you want?"

"Buy me a drink."

"I don't think so."

"You have anything better to do? I promise I'll play nice. Come on, a couple drinks, a couple laughs, like the old days."

"Like the old days, huh?" He sighed again, realizing he really didn't want to go home and sit around yet again. "Fine, but I'm not going home with you."

That evening, Bobby went straight from work to Kennedy's apartment. He had promised her he would bring dinner so they could read more of _To Kill A Mocking Bird_. He had a hard time believing it had only been a few weeks since their first date. They had seen each other countless times since, and talked on the phone quite a bit. Things were still new though. And the night her patient died, and he slept with her on the couch, was the closest they had been so far. Not that it mattered to him, he just wanted to spend time with her. And though they had talked, they still didn't know a lot about each others' pasts...which he really didn't mind. He didn't want to scare her off just yet. He knocked on her door.

"Bobby," she grinned, flinging the door open.

He smiled back at her. "Hi."

"Come in, come in." She ushered him in and pulled the bag of food from his hands. "What'd you bring?" She stuck her nose in the bag. "I smell cheese and tomatoes and sausage."

"Lasagna," he said.

"Mmm, you're lovely." She raised on her tiptoes and kissed him. "You okay today?"

He shrugged. "It's been an interesting day."

"Really? Cause it's all over town that you and Ed got in a fist fight. Liv told me."

"She wasn't there."

"Did you and Ed get into a fight?"

He sighed, "We did."

"Why?"

"I don't want to talk about it," he said. He took the bag from her hands and headed for the kitchen to find plates. She followed. "So what's going on with your deceased patient?"

She frowned and jumped up on the counter to sit. "Well after the family had the M.E. look him over, they went to my boss and asked him to look into the situation."

"I thought the M.E. said his death had nothing to do with the tracheotomy?"

"He did, but...the family's in mourning. They want a reason."

Bobby stepped over to her with the two plates of food and stared down at her. "He was an old man, who happened to have a bad heart. It would have gotten him whether you'd been there or not."

"I know." She took her plate of food. "Book?"

He smiled and nodded. "Yea, book." They went to the couch and sat down to eat. She finished first, so she put her plate down and picked up the book. She began reading aloud and got through a few chapters before Bobby, having finished his food, took the book from her hands and threw it down.

"What?"

He replied by pulling her legs onto his lap and smiling. "Let's just talk."

"Talk?"

He nodded. "Talk."

"Okay, what about?"

"Tell me more about you."

"What's to tell?" She slowly ran her hand up and down his arm. "Cause...we talk about my family and we'll be talking about yours next."

"Then tell me about something else."

She thought for a long time, then looked at him. "I hate mushrooms, carrots, cats, doctors, and labels. I'm a sucker for the classics, as you know. I love apples, Mellow Yellow, and peanut butter cookies. My best friend is Zack, and his family is my family. I love his wife and their three year old twins Justin and Julianna. I'll take action and thriller movies over drama or romance any day, and Disney movies make me cry." She sighed. "The three years I spent in Germany were the best years of my life. When it was time to leave, I considered looking into citizenship so that I'd never have to come back. It took a month after my mom died before I cried for her. I worry every day that I'll never be half the woman my mother was, and worry every day that I'm just like my father."

She leaned against his shoulder and stretched her feet out before she continued, "I take each day as it comes and make the best of it. I tend not to sensor myself. Sometimes that leads to trouble. Women take it as me being fake, men take it as me being easy. I'm neither. I just enjoy life. I spend time with who I want. I spend my time with people that want to be around me, because it's fun and simple and that's how life should be." She turned up and looked at him. He met her gaze. "I find you brilliant, sexy, sweet, and a complete puzzle...and because of that...because of you...I want to wait. I want things to be different with you than with other men I've been with. I want to make it mean something."

He had listened carefully the entire time, and at the end he leaned in and kissed her. "It'll mean something," he said gently.

She stroked his face, then broke the moment by jumping a bit. "Oh! And when I was in third grade, a sixth grade boy pulled my pants down on the playground and I beat the shit out of him. I was suspended for a week."

Bobby laughed. "I don't doubt it."

"Your turn."

He nodded and took a long pause before speaking. "I love to read...and learn everything I can. I love to observe people...and learn everything I can." He sighed and touched her hair. "I've always been a very private person and...I'm not quite sure how not to be. I've never had many people I could rely on. I've always been misunderstood, not always accepted. My job is everything for me, and I used to think it was all I needed. Then...I was shot. I thought I'd never walk again. I saw Ed and Liv together...and I wanted that. I am...completely clueless as to why you're with me...but I'm happy. I like spending time with you. I truly like you. You are crazy and...I'm not sure I will ever figure you out...but I'm ready to try."

Kennedy raised herself to her knees and leaned against him and kissed him hard. His hand went to her hip as he returned the kiss, and her hands ran through his hair. She pulled from his mouth and breathed against his lips, "You're making this 'want to wait' thing really tough for me." He didn't reply, but pulled her back to his mouth. There was no mistaking the desire flooding between them, but she pulled herself from him and put space between them. "So..uh..." she fanned herself. "Wanna read some more?"

He smiled at the reaction he'd brought out of her. "Okay, we'll read."

"Okay," she picked up the book and sat back. "Then stop being frisky, it's distracting." She gave him a grin before getting back to reading out loud.

Later, Bobby and Kennedy stood by her front door saying goodnight. They stood before one another, non-awkwardly, not speaking. Just staring. She smiled up at him. "I'm enjoying our book club," she said.

"So am I. I'm enjoying everything." He set his hand to her chin and pulled her to him. He kissed her. She wrapped her arms around his waist and held on tight.

"So there's this thing," she said.

He put his hands to her back and smiled. "What kind of thing?"

"A...Zack's parents are these rich but wonderful snobs who throw massive parties whenever they get a chance, kind of thing. And as his mom's a Judge and his dad's a big CEO they're always major deals."

"Uh-huh..."

"And their biggest party every year is their anniversary party."

"Uh-huh..."

"And I get invited to all the parties, and I hate going alone, and I'm inviting you."

"Uh-huh..." He was smiling.

"It's in a week...it'll be boring but..."

"I'd be happy to take you," he said.

"It's on Valentine's Day, it's going to be cheesy as hell."

He chuckled. "I haven't gotten many chances to do cheesy in my life. I think I can handle one night."

"Yea?"

"Yea." He exhaled, not wanting to leave the moment. "I should go."

"Still not gonna tell me what happened with you and Ed?"

"Nope," he ran his fingers through her hair.

"Fine," she wrinkled her nose. "Night Bobby."

"Goodnight Kennedy," he replied.

Kennedy locked the door behind him and had to take a moment in his absence to compose herself. She shrugged it off and went to get her phone and call her friend.

"Hello?"

"Hey," Kennedy greeted. "Feeling any better?"

"Sure," Olivia replied.

"This too will pass."

"Right. How was the date with Bobby?"

Kennedy smiled. "Good. Real good. He's going to the Barman's party with me."

"Great. That means I don't have to be your date this year?"

"Right, you can go stag."

"No...if you're taking Bobby then I don't need to go."

"Aw, Liv. Come on. You go to almost every one of their parties with me. If you forget, you've met many a men at these parties."

"I know, Ken, but...I can't do this one. I'll go to the next one with you, but not the Valentine's Day one. It's...I can't."

"Well, at least consider it okay? Just because Bobby will be there, it won't make you a third wheel. We'll have a blast and it'll beat sitting at home depressed."

"No, instead I'll be at an anniversary party watching all the cute couples dancing and kissing and being...cute," Olivia grumbled.

"And like every other year, we will laugh at them."

"Oh you and Bobby won't be one of those disgustingly cute couples?

"Sweetie, have you ever known me to be that kind of person?" Kennedy laughed.

"True. Okay, I make no promises, but I'll think about it."

"Good. I don't care about spending that day with the guy I'm dating, I want to spend it with my favorite people, okay?"

"Okay."

"So...how'd he look?"

Olivia groaned. "Really good."

"Don't worry, you looked better. I'm sure it's all he can think about. How great you look, how wonderful you seem to be without him. He's at home wondering where he went wrong."

"I'm sure."


	11. Our Own Circus

**Our Own Circus**

The next morning, Ed's cell phone woke him up. He glanced at the clock and realized he was currently late. He picked up his phone. "Hmm?"

"Are you coming in?" Cassidy asked.

"Mrmph...yea, I'm on my way."

"You good today?"

"Yep."

"Then hurry up and get here before Van Buren notices you're missing. Oh, and I'll take my coffee large with two creams. And one of those apple turnover things."

"Uh...Nina..."

"Oh yes, you owe me," she replied before hanging up on him. He got out of bed and took a fast shower and threw on his clothes and ran out the door. Luckily, Bobby was gone for the day.

The previous night hadn't been too horrible. He and Kim met and had their drinks and recalled some good memories. By the time she started getting touchy feely and snippy, he excused himself and went home. The night had reminded him that at times, she was a good person. When she dropped the act and the attitude, she could be kind and fun to be around. He had to wonder if it was her career that brought out the side of her he detested, and if she'd chosen another career if things would have been better between them. And then he thought of Olivia and realized the theories didn't matter. Kim was who she was; not the woman for him.

He got to work and placed Nina's coffee and pastry before her and didn't say anything. As he was sitting down at his desk, Van Buren popped out of her office and called him in. He went over and she shut the door. He sat down.

"What's going on with you now?" She asked.

He shrugged. "Nothing."

"It's not nothing. You've been coming in late, you have a short temper with everyone – especially Cassidy. Even your paperwork is failing. Cassidy or I have had to rewrite nearly every report you turn in. Did you go to Skoda yesterday?"

"Yes."

"And?"

"And I guess I'll be keeping up with it."

"Good. Have you heard anything about the Johnson case?"

"IAB's been talking to SVU."

She nodded. "They get anything?" He shook his head. "Okay, well don't worry about it. They've got nothing, and I'm pretty sure we've got McCoy on your side...which doesn't mean we've got the DA, but...we'll worry when we have to."

"You think it'll go that far?"

"I guess it depends on what they build up on you. Depends what they get people to say." She gave him a look. He understood it. He needed to shape up or else more people would have more reason to believe he did it.

"Maybe you should put me on suspension," he finally said.

"Suspension?" Van Buren asked. "Why?"

"It's a matter of time before word gets around. I won't be seen as reliable. Until they clear me, I can't work without people claiming I'm dirty. It would be best to just let this blow over."

"Ed, if I put you on suspension, it will look like I believe them. If you offer to take time off, you'll look guilty."

"Maybe it'd be easier if I were."

"You're not going anywhere," she said firmly.

"So we just wait while they talk to everyone," Ed sighed.

"And what do you need me for?" Olivia asked the IAB agents. "I told you the other day-"

"We're speaking to all of the detectives that worked the Johnson case," Gregory said, crossing her arms. "That includes you and your partner." Tillman was staring at Elliott.

"Or you two could just walk away," Elliott said. "Like we told you, Green's a good cop. He didn't do it."

"So you said," Tillman replied, "but how well do you know Detective Green? From what we've seen, you've worked a few cases together here and there. I'd hardly say that means you know him."

Olivia was getting agitated. "He's a good cop," she said calmly. "He would never-"

"Were you two in the room when he held a gun to Johnson's head?" Tillman asked.

"He didn't pull the trigger," Elliott said.

"And that's because you and Detective Goren pulled him down?" Tillman retorted.

Olivia was trying to keep her cool, but she wasn't doing too well with that. "Detective Green is a good man," she snapped. "Maybe if you two weren't so hot to name him, you'd see that."

Gregory gave Olivia a small smile. "A good man? So then I take it your involvement with him is more than a nasty rumor?"

"Excuse me?" Olivia shifted in her seat. "I don't believe that's your business."

"No, it is," Tillman said. "It doesn't make you a very credible source."

"I disagree. It makes me very credible. I know him. I know that he wouldn't-"

"You having a relationship with him gives you every reason to cover for him," Gregory stated.

"First off, we don't have anything. Secondly, I would not lie to cover his ass. That's not the kind of cop I am."

"My partner's history with Detective Green has nothing to do with this case, and I think you should drop it," Elliott spoke up. "And since I didn't sleep with Green, I should be credible in your eyes when I say he's a good cop."

"So you want me to tell you that my friend, a brilliant detective, killed a man?" Bobby asked. "Is that what we're all here for?"

"Detective Goren, this isn't your game, it's ours," Tillman said.

Bobby slammed his hand down. "This isn't a game!" He cried. "This is you going after an innocent man! Has a single person told you they believe he did it? One single credible person?" Neither agent replied.

"You guys like your job?" Alex asked. "You like getting the bad guys?" They didn't reply, still. "We do. And Green? He may have some anger, but he's not a bad guy. You just want him to be."

"The truth is," Bobby said quietly. "If I didn't know him...I might believe he's capable of it. But I do know him. And I know that in Johnson's case alone, he _is_ capable of it. And the fact that he has the ability to not lay a single finger on Johnson, is what makes him a good guy. He could do it, but he didn't. He wouldn't. Stop screwing around and let him and all of us get back to our lives." He stood and left the room, Alex gave the two IAB agents one last glare, then followed Bobby.

Ed knew the past couple days, that IAB had been talking around town. It worried him, but he also trusted people. He knew he'd be okay. He had to be. He just hated that word was getting around about his suspected guilt.

He was heading to see Skoda for the second time that week, and he wasn't sure how it would go. It had been an awkward few days. He'd been at work a lot more, and been a lot more focused. Or tried. He barely saw Bobby around the apartment, and when he did they didn't speak or acknowledge each other. He had put a vague attempt in at looking for an apartment, but hadn't really found anything. There were places available, of course, and he had the money for it, but he just didn't want to move. He liked Bobby's apartment. Regardless of the fact that he still considered his roommate one of his best friends, he just liked the location of the apartment.

He knocked on Skoda's door.

When Ed got home, he found Bobby and Kennedy there. "Hi Ed," Kennedy greeted warmly. Obviously, she hadn't heard what he had said about her. He was glad.

"Hi Kennedy," he said. "How are you?"

"I'm alright, you?"

He shrugged. "Mind if I talk to Bobby a minute?"

"Nope."

"Bobby?" Ed asked. He nodded to his room.

"I'll just watch TV," Kennedy said, giving Bobby's hand an encouraging squeeze.

Bobby and Ed stood awkwardly in Ed's room. "I apologize," Ed said. "I was angry and I took it out on you. I...well, everything you said was right. I went after the one person that's been here for me this whole time. I'm sorry."

Bobby had his arms crossed and was watching the floor. He gave a slow nod. "I'll accept your apology, but I'm not going to forgive what you said. I don't care how angry you get, you leave her out of it. You leave me out of it."

"I will. And...I'm sorry mostly about what I said about her. I didn't mean it. I don't know her too well, but...she's cool. I'm happy for you."

"IAB going okay?"

"Not sure. All I know if they've been talking to all of you."

"Keep me updated."

"I will. I've been going to see Skoda again...hopefully..." he shook his head.

"It'll help," Bobby finished. "Thank you for apologizing." He started to leave, but didn't. "Did you find a new place yet?"

"Uh, no. Not yet. I've been too busy to really look."

"Don't worry about it. Stay." Then he left and went back to Kennedy.

Ed sat on his bed, relieved. He was glad he didn't have to move out, but more he was glad things were cool with Bobby. Kennedy's voice shot through the apartment, "Hey Ed! Come watch TV with us!"

He glanced out the door, then stood. It was about time he got to know the woman better, he had a feeling she'd be around for awhile.

The following week, Bobby straightened his tie in the mirror, then walked out to the living room. Ed was on the couch. "If you decide to come, Ken says to tell the security that you're with her. They know her, she says you shouldn't have a problem getting in."

"Yea, I just don't think I-"

"I think you should come."

"Maybe. Go pick up your girl," Ed told him.

Bobby nodded. "I look okay?"

"Suave, man." Ed watched Bobby leave, then continued watching TV for awhile. He really didn't want to sit around all night. Going couldn't be so bad. According to Bobby, there'd be good food and drinks. He sighed, and went to his room to find something nice enough to wear.

Bobby led Kennedy to the front door of the beautiful mansion. There were twinkling lights everywhere and it all looked amazing. Music was wafting out the doors and windows. The different floors of the home had small balconies off their windows, and people milled about on them. "Nice," Bobby commented. He glanced at Kennedy in her gorgeous dark green gown. He'd been speechless upon picking her up and seeing the dress. Her dark hair was swept up in a half-bun, some hair locked in and some hanging down her back. Simple diamond studs decorated her ears, with a tear drop diamond necklace danging against her chest. The sleeves of the dress hung low on her shoulder, and the dress itself fell nearly to her ankles. It was a very form fitting slender dress, until it reached the knees where it flowed out a bit. He liked it very much. Just as she liked his crisp black tux.

"Ms. Oliver," one of the men at the door said with a smile.

"Mr. Kline," she replied.

"And who's your date?"

"This is Bobby."

"Well you two have a good time." He gave her a wink.

"We will," Kennedy smiled sweetly and pulled Bobby inside. They headed for the coat room where Bobby took her jacket from her shoulders and handed it off, then they began walking through the house. Most of the rooms downstairs opened into each other, and each were set up with food and drinks and seating. A beautiful staircase led to the second floor where a DJ was set up and playing music. There were a couple more show rooms upstairs for people to mill through, and a few of the balconies.

"Their home is beautiful," Bobby commented.

"Isn't it? They barely use this bottom floor for anything but entertaining. Except for the kitchen and dining room. All of the bedrooms are on the third floor. Oh, there's Zack!" She pulled him to one of the many sitting rooms. "Hey Zack."

"Kennie, Bobby," Zack stood and greeted them. His wife was at his side. "Bobby, this is my wife Bella. Bella this is Bobby."

"Nice to meet you," Bobby said shaking her hand.

"You too, Bobby. I've heard a lot about you," Bella said.

"Your mom and dad around?" Kennedy asked Zack.

He nodded. "Around would be the key word. I haven't seen them since the first guests got here."

"Hmm, I'm sure I'll run into them at some point."

As the evening wore on, Bobby and Kennedy milled around and socialized with the other guests. Bobby was surprised at how many people he recognized. Many of the other judges, the DA, and many other people he knew through work. Not that it was surprising, as Zack's mom was a well known judge.

The DJ played mellow music, and it was just a background, no one was really dancing. He was people watching when he noticed a familiar face walking through the crowd. He leaned into Kennedy's ear. "I thought you said Olivia wasn't going to come," he whispered.

"She isn't. That's why I invited Ed."

"Well you better hope Ed decides not to come."

"Why?" She looked where he pointed and saw Olivia. "Oh well, they'll deal." She left Bobby's side and went across the room to her friend. "Hey Liv, you made it."

Olivia looked over and smiled. "Yea, I did."

Kennedy gave her a quick air kiss by her cheek. "You look amazing." She looked her friend up and down. Olivia was in a dark blue gown that stopped below her knees. The sleeves were three-quarter inch sleeves and the top dipped down a bit. The chest of the dress was embroidered with a silver kind of thread and small clear beads, all of which sparkled. Her earing's were silver hoops. Kennedy recognized the dress, but didn't say anything. She wouldn't expect Olivia to buy a new dress to a party that she didn't really care to be at.

"You look great, too," Olivia replied. Bobby stepped up and put his hand to her back and kissed her cheek. She smiled at him. "And you are handsome."

He smiled. "Thank you. It's only because I'm standing with the most beautiful women in the house." Both women glanced at each other and laughed.

"I'm so glad you came," Kennedy said to Olivia. Kennedy noticed Bobby glancing at something over Olivia's shoulder and she followed his gaze. Ed had just walked in. "Why don't you go get yourself a drink? Zack and Bella are in the next room if you'd like to say hi. I'm going to introduce Bobby to someone real quick." Olivia nodded and left. Kennedy and Bobby walked over to Ed. "Oh this is going to be an interesting evening," she muttered to Bobby.


	12. The Way You Look Tonight

**The Way You Look Tonight**

"_And I can't explain,  
but __it's something about the way you look tonight.__  
Takes my breath away."_

_Elton John_

Bobby and Kennedy spent some time trying to keep Olivia and Ed from noticing each other, in hopes they would all have a good evening. Then the DJ came over the speakers. "Ladies and Gentleman, the couple of the evening has asked that everyone join them in a dance. This song was the first song that Pamela and John danced to as a married couple, 45 years ago today." Bobby and Kennedy were on the second floor with Ed when "At Last" started playing and people began coupling off and dancing where ever they stood. Ed started to head for the stairs, to go find a drink. Kennedy saw Olivia down in the main room, so thinking quick she grabbed Ed.

"Dance?" She asked.

"Shouldn't you dance with Bobby?"

Bobby shook his head and leaned on his cane. "I'm a little sore, I'm going to sit this one out. You two enjoy."

Ed shrugged and started dancing with Kennedy. "Having a good time?" She asked him.

"I guess so," he replied. "They throw a nice party."

"They do." She kept a narrowed gaze on him. "You been okay?"

"Working on it." They danced quietly for awhile, then he stopped in his place. They were in the outer hall area of the second floor, which had a clear view of the front room downstairs. And right there in the middle of the room was Olivia. He let go of Kennedy and stepped to the railing and looked down. She was talking to a man. A tall man. He had shaggy curly black hair, and he was touching her arm and smiling. And she was smiling back. And they started to dance.

Kennedy went to Ed's side. "Sorry...I didn't know you'd both be here...we tried to keep you apart."

"She's on a date?" He was finally able to ask.

"No. No, she came alone." She glanced at Ed, but he was just staring down at them. "Come on, let's dance." She tried to pull his arm, but he shook her off and walked away. Kennedy stepped back and let him leave as Bobby reappeared.

"I couldn't find-"

"Don't worry, Ed found her." Kennedy pointed at Olivia dancing with the unknown man. "I think he left."

Bobby thought for a bit. "He'll be okay. Don't worry about them, we should enjoy our evening."

Kennedy nodded. "You're right, we shouldn't have bothered trying in the first place. All I want is to spend time with my man." She smiled up at him and took his arm. The song ended, and she frowned. "Aww, we missed our chance to dance."

"Says who?" He asked. He took her arm and lead her onto one of the small empty balconies. A new song drifted out to them. He pulled her around and placed a hand on her hip.

_There was a time  
I was everything and nothing all in one__  
When you found me_

Kennedy held onto him and sighed deeply. "This was one of my dad's favorite songs," she whispered. Bobby said nothing but began slowly moving with her in his arms...

_I was feeling like a cloud across the sun__  
I need to tell you__  
How you light up every second of the day__  
But in the moonlight__  
You just shine like a beacon on the bay_

She forgot all thought of her father, of Ed and Olivia, and lost herself staring into Bobby's gentle eyes. His kind, warm eyes. He looked down on her and his hand slid to the small of her back firmly, his strength catching her breath.

_And I can't explain__  
But it's something about the way you look tonight__  
Takes my breath away__  
It's that feeling I get about you, deep inside_

Her hand glided up his arm timidly, her fingers feeling the curves and muscles, and her heart beat slammed against his chest. His fingers tinkered along her back, and his breath hit her skin. Their feet barely moved as they crept in small circles.

_And I can't describe__  
But it's something about the way you look tonight_

He tipped his head down and set his chin to the side of her head.

_Takes my breath away__  
The way you look tonight_

Her hand continued up his shoulder, onto his face, and she held his cheek and pushed his head back a bit to lock her gaze on his own.

_With a smile  
You pull the deepest secrets from my heart_

He, again, lowered his face to hers and breathed into her ear. "I know this night is already cheesy, but..." She shivered and her eyes closed as she leaned into him. "I think...I'm falling...very much in love with you."

_In all honesty  
I'm speechless and I don't know where to start_

Her grasp tightened on him as the words brushed through her ear, she felt like she'd fall if he weren't holding on.

_And I can't explain_

"Me too," she was barely able to whisper.

_But it's something about the way you look tonight_

"I'm terrified," his breath prickled her skin.

_Takes my breath away  
It's that feeling I get about you, deep inside_

"Me too," she gasped. They had ceased moving altogether and he just held her tightly, his lips exploring the side of her face.

_And I can't describe__  
But it's something about the way you look tonight_

He pulled back and put a hand behind her neck and the other tight around her waist. His thumb held her cheek securely and he kissed her with all the emotion he had been so intimidated by lately.

_Takes my breath away__  
The way you look tonight_

Her arm found his neck and her other hand found his hair and she kissed him back just as hard. Neither wanted to let go, let the moment end, let the words fade. Toes curled, heat surged, and neither was happier.

_The way you look tonight__  
_

Ed headed for the stairs, but stopped instead and just watched. She was dancing with the man and smiling. She looked happy. Absolutely stunning...and happy. He leaned over the railing. It hurt to watch...the see that man's hands on her...but to see her smiling...he glanced over to where he had left Kennedy, but she was gone. Then he noticed that she and Bobby were out on one of the balconies dancing and completely lost in one another. He got stuck in watching them for a bit. The way they looked at each other and moved together. It, too, hurt. Before that moment, he'd not realized just how good the two were together. They were, though. And they seemed to know how to make it work. His eyes went back to Olivia.

Olivia had been standing around, awkwardly out of place, looking for Bobby and Kennedy. They had run off on her a few minutes earlier. For some reason, they had been doing that all night. She watched Zack's parents dance together. It was sweet. They were a good looking, happy looking couple.

"Would you like to dance?" A voice asked beside her. She looked over and had to look up. What was it with all these tall men? He was quite handsome. Great hair, crystal blue eyes, big smile, and he was built nicely too. "Well?" He held out a hand and his smile grew. His voice was different...he had an accent. Was it Irish? Scottish? Something close to that. She wasn't sure that she wanted to dance with the man, despite his good looks. She hadn't gone to the party to meet a man, she'd gone to forget one. "I'll take that as a no," the man said. He started to back off, but she shook her head.

"Wait, I'll dance." She gave him a smile and he held a hand over his heart.

"Oh what a relief! I was expecting that rejection." He held his hand out again, and she took it this time. They slowly started dancing along. "So what is your name and affiliation with the couple of honor?"

She was definitely intrigued by the man's accent. It was sexy. "I'm Olivia. My friend is a close friend of the family."

"I see."

"And you?"

"My name is Thomas, I work for Mr. Barman."

"Is he a good boss?"

"Yes, he is. Now what is it that you do, Olivia?"

"I'm a detective for the NYPD."

As the dance went on, Olivia chatted with the nice man. He was polite and charming and funny...and the kind of man any woman would not object getting to know. But...he wasn't the person she wanted to be dancing with. After the second song, she pulled away from him. "Thank you," she said.

He looked disappointed. "Did I step on your foot?"

"No, no. I just have to go find my friend for a minute."

"Then I hope I see you again, Olivia." He stepped back and let her go.

She pushed through the crowd and headed upstairs to see if Kennedy and Bobby were up there. She had to leave, flee immediately, but she was considerate enough to say goodbye first. When she got to the top of the steps, she saw Ed. He was just standing there at the top, hands in his pockets, staring at her. His stare was intense, firing into her, and she had to grasp onto the banister to hold herself up. On a normal day seeing him could send her spinning. Seeing him now, in a tux, looking at her as he was, she was gone.

He didn't say anything for awhile, but then did. "I realized just now...all that time...I never got to dance with you," he said quietly. She exhaled and gripped tighter to the banister at the thought of dancing in his arms. Anything in his arms again. It hurt to be near him, but she'd give just about anything to be in his arms again. When she said nothing, he remembered he had no hope. "Right...well, Happy Valentines Day, Liv. You look beautiful." Then he walked past her, and down the steps. She turned and watched him cross the room and walk out the front door, into the night.

Olivia and Kennedy were at the door, waiting for Olivia's coat. "You sure you don't want to stay a bit longer?" Kennedy asked.

"I'm tired. I'm going home, making a cup of tea, and going to bed."

"I'm sorry about tonight...Ed."

"Don't be. You're just trying to be a good friend to both of us." She took her coat from the coat man and slipped it on. "Just enjoy your evening with Bobby. You two look great tonight. Together."

"Thanks. I'm really falling fast."

"I know."

"Night." Kennedy watched Olivia leave, then went to find Bobby.

Bobby and Zack were standing around, not really chatting. Zack glanced over to Bobby. "So you and Kennedy." Bobby nodded. "That going well?" Again, Bobby nodded. "She's special. There are things about her you don't know...some things I don't even know. Someone has to look out for her."

"And you don't want me to hurt her," Bobby guessed.

"I don't want either of you to get hurt. She's got...I know she seems like this outgoing, fun, carefree woman, but sometimes she's," he hesitated. "Almost like a child. I love her, but she's...she's not as together as she seems."

"Who is?"

Zack sighed. "Just wanted you to know, that's all."

"Thank you," Bobby replied. "But you don't have to worry."

"There are my boys," Kennedy called walking up to them. She looped her arm around Bobby's waist. "Sweetheart, I know you were joking earlier about being sore...but you're looking a bit tired," she said quietly. "Should we go?"

"I don't want to ruin your evening."

"You'll ruin my evening if you need to get off your feet and you don't." She looked at Zack. "Zack, I think we're going to call it a night."

"Have you seen Mom and Dad yet?"

"Yes."

"Okay, then it's safe for you to leave."

"Kiss the babies for me," she said.

Bobby pulled the car up to the side of the street and set it into park. He glanced over at her. "I'm sorry."

"For?"

"For what I said earlier...it was too soon, I think."

"In case you forgot airhead, I said it too." She gave him a smile and slid her hand over his.

He nodded. "I know...but...did you mean it?"

"Of course I did. I'm not going to say that unless.." She squeezed his hand. "I know it's soon, but I'm a straightforward kind of person. It's how I feel, even if it's only been a month."

"Straightforward is good."

"Then how's this for straightforward; you're coming up with me tonight," she told him.

"I am?"

"Yes."

"Okay."


	13. Stars In Your Eyes

**Stars In Your Eyes**

"_I see stars in your eyes when my lips beg your lips to surrender.  
Stars in your eyes when we kissed and you whispered you're mine.  
Stars leave the sky, but the night is so bright in their splendor.  
Deep in your eyes, lovely stars still continue to shine." _

_Frank Sinatra_

Kennedy pushed into her apartment with Bobby close behind. When inside, she shut the door and slowly turned around to face him. His eyes wandered the room a bit, then met hers. Her heartbeat picked up sped and she wasn't sure what to say. They were both nervous. It wasn't as though they hadn't been alone in her apartment before, but the expectations scared them tonight. She finally reached for his coat and hung it up, and hung up hers as well. "Thank you for coming with me tonight," she said. He watched her hang up the coats, his eyes grazed her profile, and then her front as she turned back to him.

"Thank you for inviting me." He ignored his nerves and stepped to he, and took her hand in his own. "I liked dancing with you." He held her palm to his lips and kissed it gently, not taking his eyes off of her. That small movement set her on fire. He smiled a bit and set his other hand at her hip, pulling her against him as though they were going to dance again. With a hand on her hip, and the other holding her hand tight, he moved her from the front door.

"There's no music to dance to," she said quietly.

"Hmm," he took her in a tiny spin and she laughed. He stopped. "No...you're right. We shouldn't dance." He moved his hand from her hip and took her other hand and gently pushed her wrists behind her back. He stepped against her. "We'll just have to find something else to do." Then he stepped again, causing her to step backwards. And he kept stepping until they reached her bedroom, where he let go of her wrists...eventually.

Kennedy eased out of her peaceful sleep as Bobby was pulling her close again. His arm circled her waist and his lips hit the back of her neck. "Mmmph," she mumbled. He put his elbow on the pillow and propped his head up on his hand. The side of her head rested on his arm and he trailed his fingers down to her thigh. "What's this?" He whispered against her shoulder. A ribbon of piano keys was painted from the top of her outer thigh down. The frame and black keys were in a green ink that reminded him of her eyes. The white keys of the piano was just her skin. On several of the white keys were different symbols, none bigger than a thumbnail. He walked his fingers across the keys.

"A tattoo," she replied in a sigh. She wanted to sleep more, but she was also enjoying his touch.

Bobby chuckled. "I know that," he said. His fingers crept over the first key, which had a skull and cross bones. The next had a teardrop. He hesitated a moment on it, then moved his fingers further down. There was another teardrop, and a German flag. There were other symbols on other keys, but his focus remained on the flag and skull and cross bones. He ran his finger back up the keys, causing a visible shudder to run through Kennedy. She smiled and reached her arm out, wrapping it across his neck.

"What, am I the first woman you've been with who's got a tattoo?"

"No. But one like that, yes." He kept his hand firmly on her thigh so that she wouldn't move her leg. She laughed and tried again to curl up to him. "Kennedy. The skull...for death? Your mom died. And here...the flag. You lived in Germany. These all mean something, don't they?"

"Bobby," she groaned, and looked at him. "Why does it matter?"

"I just want to know. It's a very interesting piece of art work that has obvious meaning to you. I want to know everything about you, dear." Her arm moved from her face to her leg and she covered his hand with her own. She closed her eyes again.

"The piano is for my father. The color is for my mothers eyes."

"And this?" His hand moved to the skull and cross bones, her hand stayed on his.

"For when I was eight. When my family died," she whispered.

"When your mom first got sick," he figured out. "What was it?"

"Cancer. Changed everything. Our whole lives...our family..."

"What kind of-"

She cut him off with a forced laugh. "I think the first time I realized everything was different was my ninth birthday...I begged for a blue Skip-It and a Transformer birthday cake, and I didn't get either one. We didn't celebrate that year...or any year after. And I still don't celebrate my birthday."

Bobby let the thought process, but didn't press it. "What happened with your mom?"

"She battled it a couple times...the cancer...and she lost. So yea, the first teardrop..." he moved their hands to the key in discussion as she went on, "is for her death. Dad left us before she died. After...he was nowhere to be found, so I was sent from where I'd grown up in Maine, to Philly to live with my Mom's cousin, Jon. Jon was the only family that would take me in. I lived there, mostly on my own, until I was old enough to leave. Jon wasn't what you'd call a reliable guardian. He was 28 and an artist. I think I took care of him more than he took care of me."

"You haven't mentioned him before."

"I know. He's living in San Fransisco now. We're not that close. But he loved to paint me. Had a whole series, actually, on me."

"Do you have any of them?"

"No." She shook her head. "Those years of my life were dark...I was very unhappy. Jon had the ability to show that in his art...I can't look at those. I don't need to remember how I felt then."

"I understand," he said.

"After high school I spent a year working and going to community college, then I discovered the program in Germany...went about getting ready to go." This time she moved their hands down to the next teardrop. "About a week before I left I got a call from New York City. My dad had been living here, and he died. This one is for him."

"How did he die?"

"He was drunk, stumbled out of a bar and into traffic," she said quietly. "I don't...I don't know what happened to him. The man I learned about after his death...he wasn't my dad. My dad..." she looked up at the ceiling, a small smile at her lips. "He was a great man. He was funny and silly. Before everything happened, he was a music teacher at a local high school. When Mom got sick, he quit the job and took on a couple high paying labor jobs. But...he loved piano. He loved to play all the great Motown songs and sing to us, and Mom and I would dress up in her best clothes and dance for him...and sing...like we were the Supremes or something. He was teaching me to play. We were learning "Reach Out", by the Four Tops. I'd sit on his lap and he'd show me what keys to hit. We'd sing. _Darlin, reach out, reach out for me. I'll be there with a love that will shelter you. I'll be there with a love that will see you through_," she sang quietly. Bobby smiled and brushed a kiss across her forehead.

"I didn't know you could sing."

"Everyone can sing, love," she laughed.

"Yes...but you do it beautifully."

"Thanks."

"Do you still play piano?" He asked.

"A bit. Basic chords really. Over the years Dad quit teaching me...quit singing...he had nothing to sing about anymore, I guess." She fell into silence, thinking about her father. Bobby broke her thoughts.

"Then you went to Germany?" He looked down and their hands went to the next key, the flag.

"I did."

There were other symbols to ask about, other chunks of her history, but he let it go for another time. "How'd you end up back here?" He asked instead.

"While I was in Germany I got word that there was some more money due to me from Dad's possessions. So when I got back to Maine I tied up the last of the loose ends there, visited their graves again...I had him buried beside her...and I came to New York to claim the last of his money. I was walking around and trying to decide what to do with my life next...decide where to go...and something told me to stay. So I did."

"And Jon?"

"I love him. I appreciate him giving me a home so that I didn't have to go into the foster system. He's really my only family. The rest are...who knows. But Jon's an airhead and it's hard to get close him. We call when one of us needs money or something, then go on with our lives." They fell into silence. She thought about the past, the things she had told him and the things she hadn't. The other details that she wasn't ready to share. He respected her silent thoughts and just held her. She was oblivious to her fingers tapping against his arm as though it were a piano. When he sensed that she was back to the moment, he spoke.

"My Mom was sick, too," he said. "She still is. She has schizophrenia." He felt her stop moving, taking in the news. "It started when I was young and...it was frightening. I didn't know what was going on with her and what was making her do and say things. I didn't understand why there wasn't food in the kitchen or clean clothes in my closet. My father wasn't a good man. He was abusive...he couldn't handle any of it, and he left us. I don't have a lot of pleasant memories of him. My older brother is...trouble. He got messed up as bad as I did, but now he takes it out a lot differently. He hasn't been around for me since we were young, and he isn't there for our mother now. That's where I go...during the week when I disappear...I go to see my Mom. Some days she's good, some day's she's not...and _every day_ it's difficult. I don't talk about it much, because...I don't know."

"I get that," she replied.

"Most people don't know. Of all the people that have been in and out of my life over the years only Alex, Ed and Liv have met her. Not that...not that it meant much to her." He hadn't been expecting to share that all with her, but it had come out anyway. It relieved him. "So I guess we are a lot alike. Sick Moms, runaway Dads..."

She took his hand from her leg and wrapped it around her middle. "I guess we'll have to look out for each other from now on."

"I guess so," he replied.

She looked straight up into his eyes and put a hand through his hair. She held onto the back of his neck. "I'm yours, Bobby," she said. He stared down into her eyes, and didn't deny she meant it. He dropped the arm holding his head up and leaned over her. He put a strong fierce kiss on her lips, then lay down taking her in his arms.


	14. Reminiscing Ain't So Grand

**Reminiscing Ain't So Grand**

Ed let himself into the apartment and shut the door. His evening had been a complete bust. Of course, he hadn't expected any less. He just hadn't expected to see Olivia. He missed her. Nothing more he could say than, he missed her. He picked up the phone and dialed.

"Hello?"

"What're you doing?" He asked.

"I'm on a date, Ed, what do you think?"

"Oh, right. I just thought I'd check."

"So much for hating me," she chuckled.

"You know I don't hate you, Kim. I just don't care for you," he smiled.

She laughed. "Right. That's why you're back in my life suddenly. Listen, I'm on a date and I would like to get back to it. This man is hot and rich."

"Okay, have fun with that." He hung up with an eye roll. He wasn't sure what he'd been doing calling her. Definitely didn't want a night at her place, but he wasn't sure dinner would have been completely unreasonable. Oh well, he was better off not seeing her.

Later that week, there was a hearing. Ed's PBA rep was pulling IAB before a judge to try to get them off Ed's back. It was a long shot, but Mr. Yancy was sure they could convince a judge of Ed's innocence. Ed was just ready for it all to be done with. His lawyer was arranging character witnesses, and he was sure that the other side was looking for people to tell the judge what a horrible person he was.

The first day was a long boring fighting between the lawyers and judge. They brought in Van Buren to speak as his superior, and had Nina in afterwards. The other team tried to get Van Buren to tell the judge about Ed's work and state of mind at work the year before. They caught her several times, and her opinion of doubt was brought into the open. Then Mr. Yancy was able to get her to express her respect and admiration for her detective, and say how she truly didn't feel he did anything wrong.

The entire hearing was held in a conference room, so at any given time, it was just the lawyers, the judge, the two IAB reps, Ed, and whoever was being questioned. Not much happened with Nina, as she hadn't been around for the Johnson case or when he'd been killed. It was then brought up that they needed to speak with Ed's partner of the time, Joe Fontana. The hearing was to resume the following day, calling in Fontana as well as getting a start on the people that had worked the case with them. He had to push the thought of being around Olivia the following day away, he had too much else to sweat over.

"Sorry I won't be here to support you tomorrow," Nina said, as they left the courthouse the next day.

"It's cool. Who's the Lieu partnering you with this week?"

"Swanson."

"Mm, fun," he said dryly. "Don't get too used to him, you get me back next week." He gave her a smile and she laughed.

"Can't wait."

The following morning he met Joe for breakfast. They weren't due to start the hearing until 10, so they wanted to meet up for a bit. They didn't talk about the reason for meeting during their meal, they kept it to catching up and tossing stories around. They stood to pay their bill, and walked outside.

"It's a circus," Joe told him. "Don't sweat it, no one's going to buy IAB's act."

"Right, cause I look like the nice guy cop who'd never raise a hand to anyone." He shook his head. "You know they're gonna pull out everything I've ever done."

"Yea, but you're not so bad. Just relax, Green, they smell fear, remember?" Joe gave him a grin, and they headed for the courthouse.

Joe's interview was fairly uneventful. He held his guard and gave short unbreakable answers to the other side. When Yancy spoke to him, Joe gave high regards of his ex-partner. So far it was the best part of their case. Joe patted Ed's back as he was dismissed.

"We'll take one more testimony before we break for lunch," the judge said. "Bring in the next detective," he told the court guard. Ed sat up straight as the next person was ushered in. No surprise, it was Olivia. She didn't meet his eyes as she took the seat across from him. She was sworn in, and it got under way. The other lawyer, Hardee, spoke first.

"Detective Benson, please explain to us how you came about to work on the Johnson case."

"When Detectives Green and Fontana were at the crime scene at Mr. Johnson's club, they found a rape victim. My partner and I were called in to take her case."

"And who was this victim?"

"Misha Sullivan," Olivia answered flatly.

"Did anyone in the room know the victim?"

"Yes, Ed-Detective Green."

"How did he know her?"

"She lived with her family in his apartment building."

"But it's been said that they were friends. Why was a grown man friends with a 16 year old girl? She was 16 at the time, yes?"

"Yes. It wasn't...he knew her family. Ms. Sullivan ran away from home eight years ago, and her parents asked him to help find her, because they knew he was a cop."

"So Detective Green knew the victim. We have learned that his superiors, his partner, did not find him unfit to continue the case against Mr. Johnson, who you feel was the perpetrator of the rape case?"

"Yes."

"Did you feel he was unfit to pursue the case?"

"No, not at the time."

"When, precisely, did you decide he shouldn't be on the case?"

"It wasn't up to me."

"But you had to have had an opinion?"

"Yes, I felt like he was handling it quite well. He was working the murder cases and letting us work Misha's case. Once..." she shifted in her seat. "Once Misha was murdered, he was taken off the case."

"Then what was he doing in the squad room when Mr. Johnson was brought in?"

"That wasn't my call."

"Please tell us, what transpired when Mr. Johnson-"

"Your Honor, this question has been asked several times already. Do we have to ask for a sequence of events from each witness?" Yancy asked, annoyed.

"I think we know what happened, Mr. Hardee. Carry on."

Hardee nodded. "Detective, do you believe there is a conflict of interest in you testifying today?"

"In what way?" Ed let himself watch her finally, she was doing a good job of staying calm and collected.

"Is it a fact that you and Detective Green were, at one time, romantically involved?"

"Relevance?" Yancy asked.

"Conflict of interest," Hardee shrugged. The judge nodded and waved them to continue.

"Yes, we were. _After_ the Johnson case. And as I told the agents, I don't agree that it makes a conflict of any sort. Our relationship had nothing to do with the Johnson case or my views on it."

"Fine, then. I would like to ask you, Detective; do you believe, without a shadow of doubt, that there is not one shred of guilt in Detective Green for this murder? Speaking as an officer of the law?"

"I have never once, ever, thought he did it. I can't begin to process the belief in it, because he is not that kind of man." Her eyes met Ed's and they stared at each other for a bit.

"And, Detective Benson, have you ever felt a perpetrator was free of guilt, then been shown otherwise?"

"Yes, but-"

"Thank you. Before we stop, Detective. Have you ever seen Detective Green get angry over something he is passionate about?"

"Yes."

"And do you agree that he saw Ms. Sullivan as a sister of sorts?"

"Yes."

"And you can tell us that if someone killed his sister, that he would not seek to repay that?"

"No, he would not. Not by means of killing them."

"So when he held a gun to Mr. Johnson's head, you didn't for one moment think he would pull the trigger?"

Olivia glanced down, struggling for the right answer, then replied, "No. Absolutely not." She refused to look at Ed again. Hardee had nothing to rebut so he let it go and let Yancy take over.

"Detective, thank you for coming in today," Yancy said warmly. "May I ask you, have you ever been angry enough to consider hurting a perp?"

"Yes, we all have. But we get over it."

"And if Detectives Goren and Stabler had not tackled Detective Green, what do you think would have happened?"

"I think we would have all stood there the rest of the day pleading with Ed until he stepped down. He was able to go through the motions, but he never would have pulled that trigger. We'd have been there all day. He'd have wanted to, all day, but he would never get the courage for it."

"And you find yourself a valuable judge of his character?"

"I do. I've seen the best and the worst of Detective Green. I've seen his work as a detective, and I've seen him in the outside aspects of his life. He's...a kind man."

"And you can say this despite the fact that you two are no longer together?"

"I can. I believe I know him well, I know who he is."

"Will you tell us who he is?"

"Objection," Hardee called.

"Your Honor, just as you have the right to hear what kind of cop he is, you have the same right to hear what kind of person he is. Out of everyone you will hear from, Detective Benson may be the most valuable judge of this."

"Proceed," the judge nodded.

"You were saying, Detective?"

She took a moment to compose her thoughts, then spoke. "He's complicated, he's stubborn, and he has a hard time sorting out his emotions." Ed didn't like where things were going. "He doesn't ever forgive himself. He doesn't let things go, and he is his biggest critic...but most of all, he cares. He is all of those things, _because_ he cares. He cares deeply about everyone and everything. He doesn't like showing that, so he doesn't. He wants to protect people, both those he knows and those he doesn't. He wants things to be the way they are supposed to be. That's probably one of the reasons he's a cop. Bad guys are supposed to be found and punished, by the law. People aren't supposed to hurt each other..." she faded a bit at the last part, then cleared her throat and went on. "He's a good person, and a smart cop. Even if he had it in him to do something to Johnson, he would have done something a lot smarter. He may be an idiot about some things, but he's got common sense." She stopped, as though done, then added, "He didn't kill Johnson, and there is no other way I can say it."


	15. I Love You

**I Love You**

"_And every time I'm close to you,__  
there's too much I can't say,__  
and you just walk away."_

_Sarah McLachlan_

They broke for lunch and Ed headed to the cafeteria with Joe. "How was it?" Joe asked. He tucked his napkin into the collar of his shirt. Ed gave an amused snort at his friend and nodded.

"Okay...maybe. My guy said you were great for us. Cut and dry."

"And Benson?"

"Not so cut and dry."

"Obviously. They pry into your personal life?"

"Tried. She held it together. Overall, I think it was good for me."

At that, Elliott and Olivia walked up. "Guess I'm next," Elliott said, sitting down. Bobby and Alex were at work and coming in the next day.

"It's not so bad," Joe told Elliott. Olivia awkwardly took the chair between Joe and Elliott.

"I need a fork," Ed said. He got up and went for the silverware bar. Olivia followed and cornered him.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" He asked. "Yancy said you were good."

"Yea, but I screwed up when the other guy was-"

"Don't worry about it." He shrugged. "They heard I'm complicated but caring, I heard..." he glanced at her. "What is it, I care so much that I ruined us?" He walked away from her.

"Detective, will you please state your name?" Mr. Hardee asked.

"Robert Goren," Bobby said loud and clear. "Major Case Squad."

"And tell us how you became involved in the Paul Johnson case?"

"Lieutenant Van Buren called my captain for assistance. They had a perp that they had been trying to rein in for some time and they were unsuccessful. She was hoping that my partner and I could speak with him, break him."

"And this perpetrator?"

"Paul Johnson."

"Did you speak with him?"

"Not then, we did not. He was released when we showed up."

"We all know the line of events, Detective. I would like to ask your professional opinion of Detective Green's emotional state during the case." Bobby didn't say anything for a moment, then looked up.

"Oh, I'm sorry, was that a question?"

Hardee gave Bobby an unamused glare. "Detective Goren, what was your opinion of Detective Green's emotional state?"

"I am not a psychologist, so I can't say for sure. As an onlooker I saw that he was frustrated with the case. He wanted it solved and he wanted justice. When Ms. Sullivan was killed, he was understandably upset."

"Do you believe he would have shot Paul Johnson that morning in the 27th precinct?"

"No, I do not."

"Then why did you tackle him down?"

"Because he had his gun out. Regardless of his intentions, it was a dangerous situation that needed handling."

"And you have a friendship with Detective Green?"

"I do."

"Have you ever seen him unstable, aside from that scene?" Hardee asked.

"That would depend on what you mean by unstable. If you're asking if he ever held his weapon to someone's forehead again, no he has not."

"Your Honor," Hardee said. "This isn't a trial, he doesn't have anyone to put a show on for."

"Your guys are the ones putting on a show," Bobby replied. "They've been trying to find a way to blame Ed for this when they've got nothing."

"Your Honor!" Hardee called out.

"Alright, Detective," the judge said. "Just answer the questions."

Ed watched this, amused. It was good to have some comic relief in the middle of it all. "I will rephrase," Hardee said. "Since the scene at the 27th precinct, have you seen Detective Green loose his temper beyond his control?"

"I've seen him angry, yes. But we all get angry. Humans get angry. I have not seen him as angry as he was that morning, no. If anything...if anything, that morning was his breaking point. He's been upset...but silently."

"Isn't it true that you told the agents here, that you could believe it possible for Detective Green to kill this man?"

"I said that, yes. But I-"

"Thank you, Detective. That's all."

Mr. Yancy leaned forward in his seat. "Detective Goren, I don't have much to ask you. You said quite a few positive things for my client already, and they don't need to be circled around again. So let me ask you this; why did you say that you believed he could do this?"

Bobby nodded slowly and brought his eyes up. He looked at Ed, then looked Yancy straight in the eye. "Because if I were in his shoes, I can't say for sure that I wouldn't have. No one here can. Everyone has it in them to protect the honor of those they love. Those that mean something to them. It's stuff I see everyday. I have seen murderers of all kinds, the least likely people committing the worst of crimes, so I have no delusions. He could have done it, but he didn't."

"And how do you know this?"

"He said he didn't," Bobby said simply with a shrug. "I believe him."

The week went on quite the same. It was a slow downhill crash for Mr. Hardee, as no one would say anything bad about Ed. Words were twisted at times, but it was mostly good. The few people that Hardee tried to bring in to bash Ed, ended up doing the opposite and being helpful to Yancy's case. By Friday, things were wrapping up and everyone was hoping for a verdict that day. Everyone wanted to get back to their lives and jobs. All the detectives came in to support Ed that day, and they sat outside the conference room with Ed during a break.

On either side of Ed sat Nina and Joe. Ed was glad to have his old partner around, even if just for a few days of court. Across the small hallway, Elliott and Olivia shared a bench with Alex. Bobby stood against the wall at Alex's side. Elliott and Nina were in a heated debate over something sports-related, Ed wasn't really paying it any attention. Bobby, Alex and Joe were playing a rousing game of twenty questions. More truthfully, Bobby was kicking their asses at a game of twenty questions. Ed was worrying. He was worried about how he'd come off when speaking, and about the verdict.

"Stop that," Olivia muttered.

He shook out of his trance and looked at her. "What?"

"Stop pulling at your goatee. I hate when you do that."

He shook his head with an annoyed smile. "Sorry Liv, I don't do what you tell me anymore."

She snorted. "Like you ever did."

"Tell you what, I'll quit it when you stop biting the inside of your mouth. That's what I hate."

"And that tie on you is ridiculous," she shot back, eyes squared at him.

"Notice I haven't mentioned that I hate your new hair?"

"As I haven't told you I hate your cologne."

"Your shampoo's no better," he replied.

By then, the others had stopped and stared. Bobby launched himself off the wall and grabbed Ed up. "Come on."

Ed gave Olivia one last glare and gave in to being pulled away by Bobby. They went around the corner to different benches. "Thanks," Ed said. Bobby just nodded.

Nina came over and sat with them. "What was that about?" She raised an eyebrow.

Bobby smiled. "That would be those two saying 'hate' when they really mean..." he glanced at Ed. "What? Love? Adore? Drives you crazy with passion?"

Ed shot Bobby a look. "Hey man, don't make me beat you up again." Bobby laughed, then Ed smiled. Nina just rolled her eyes.

Olivia watched the boys walk off, then Nina rush after. "Jackass," she said under her breath. Elliott laughed at her and she punched him in the shoulder. "Why am I even here?"

Elliott rubbed his shoulder. "Why am I always getting punched because of him?" He muttered in response. Then he answered, "Because as much as you hate him, he's still a clean cop being thrown through the ringer."

"Oh. Right."

"Don't worry," Alex put in. "I don't see this going much further. The judge is gonna see that they have nothing."

"I hope so," Olivia nodded.

"Detective Green," Mr. Yancy said. "I don't want to waste any more of your time. I don't want to ask you things that we already know by now. My one question is, did you kill Paul Johnson?"

"No I did not," Ed said.

"Thank you, Detective. I appreciate your time."

Hardee seemed a little baffled, but got over it and launched into his act. "Detective, why should we believe you?"

"Because it's the truth."

"So you don't lie?"

"Not under oath, no. And not about this."

"Did you want to kill him?"

"Yes."

"I see. And why is that?"

"I was upset by the loss of a friend. The circumstances of her death were...it was bad. All of it. I wanted him to pay for what he did, but that was the grief talking. After a few days, I just wanted the DA to convict him and send him to jail." The rest of Hardee's questioning was fairly boring and predictable. He asked about the meeting Ed had with Johnson at Rikers, asked about his anger issues, and did his best to make Ed break. When the questions were done, both lawyers put in their last words.

"Detective Green is a bad cop, he was angry and he killed Paul Johnson," Hardee said. Or, he said some variation of it.

"We're here because these agents were in relentless pursuit of my client," Yancy said. "They had no facts, they had no evidence, they had no witnesses. They were bad mouthing a good detective all over town, trying to prove their case. The facts are as follows; the evening that Paul Johnson was killed, locked behind prison bars, Detective Green was at a restaurant with friends. He was not anywhere near Rikers that day or the day before. He may have been that week, not to see Johnson, but to do his job and see other inmates. No one can confirm his presence otherwise. No one can confirm any contact from Detective Green to any inmate or guard that was not procedure for another case. Detective Green's friend was murdered, yes. Let him mourn her and let him do his job without these agents following his tail until he looses his badge."

The room fell into silence for a few minutes. The judge thought for a while, then cleared his throat. "You know, this is where I usually go out and deliberate. Think the facts over, think the testimonies over, and try to figure things out. I feel ashamed to be here, quite honestly. You people have wasted my week and wasted your own week. If nothing else comes of this, Detective Green will be able to get back to his job. Mr. Hardee, your agents are on a joy ride and I won't let it continue. I respect their job and their right to peruse their case, but from here on out they're done with Detective Green. If they come up with evidence or witnesses, or anything, to shine guilt upon Detective Green we will revisit the issue. Until then, find the person that really did this."

Ed stepped out of the room and walked over to where everyone was sitting. They all looked up at him. "So?" Nina asked. He nodded and smiled. "That's great!" She cheered for him. Everyone jumped up to shake his hand and congratulate him.

"Thank you," he said. "None of you had to be here."

"Sure we did," Joe said. The others nodded and agreed. Ed was just relieved it was all over and that he could go home and relax. Everyone stood talking for awhile and after a bit, Ed realized Olivia had disappeared. He turned to Elliott.

"So...where'd Liv go?"

"Bathroom," he replied. Ed nodded, then when no one was watching, he slipped away.

He went down the hall and waited outside the bathrooms. Aside from the confrontation earlier that day, they hadn't spoken since her testimony. When the bathroom door opened, Olivia stepped out. She caught sight of him and shook her head. "I'm not talking to you."

"I only wanted to thank you."

"Fine. You're welcome." She started to walk off, but he stepped forward and splayed his hand over her stomach, stopping her. Her breath caught in her throat at his touch, and her eyes fluttered closed. He leaned to her ear.

"You are impossible," he said. She stepped back a step, into the wall, and he stepped with her. He let his eyes slowly wander her face and her hair and her neck. His thumb burned slow circles into her stomach, through her shirt. His foot was planted between both of hers, his leg pressed to her, his hip pressed to her. Heat surged in the lack of space between them. He moved his parted lips across her jaw, then over her chin. "You drive me crazy," he whispered, before putting his mouth to hers and kissing her. She gave in for a moment, but just as soon, she ripped her mouth from him and ducked her head away. She let out a hard exhale, then tightly grabbed his wrist and in a quick motion, spun him around in an arm lock and had him planted face first in the wall. Her free hand was pushed into his back.

"Don't touch me, again. _ Ever_," she whispered. She let go of him and started down the hall, not looking back once. He turned and watched in time to see her go around the corner. He leaned back on the wall and massaged his wrist. He closed his eyes, waiting for his breath and heartbeat to regulate and for the fiery buzzing numbness to leave his lips and body.

"What the hell are you doing to yourself?" He questioned quietly.

Olivia grabbed her partner and dragged him to the car. She plunked into the passenger seat and closed her eyes. She put her hand on her forehead as Elliott looked at her from the drivers seat. "You okay?"

"Give me a minute," she replied.

He pulled into the street. "What happened?"

"Really El, you gotta give me a minute." She leaned forward and blasted the AC. "Damn it's hot in here." She grabbed the bottle of water Elliott had been drinking and downed the whole thing, then she leaned back again, hand on forehead, eyes shut.


	16. What I Wouldn't Give

_AN: Comments are your friend and mine, too! Oh and I may have gotten Bobby's age wrong in this chapter, if so ignore it._

* * *

**What I Wouldn't Give**

"_What I wouldn't give just to forget.  
What I wouldn't give to get some rest.  
What I wouldn't give just to forget,  
so I can remember how to live."_

_Holly Brook _

Ed walked out to the lobby. Joe, Nina, Bobby and Alex were still hanging around. "We've decided drinks tonight," Joe said. "We'll go celebrate."

Ed nodded and smiled. "Sure."

Bobby patted his back, "I just called Kennie with the news, she's happy for you."

"Thanks," Ed said.

"She also said to give you a kiss from her but..." Bobby shook his head and walked off with Alex. Ed laughed and turned to Joe and Nina. They were saying their goodbyes when Nina's phone rang. She answered it, stepping aside.

Joe looked Ed over. "You did good."

Ed nodded. "Feels damn good, too."

"I bet. So you okay? Otherwise?"

Ed nodded. "Y'know...I'm working on it."

"We'll talk tonight?"

"Sounds good."

"Okay, see you then." Joe glanced at Nina, then gave Ed a smile. "You didn't do so bad there either," he said, nodding at Ed's new partner.

Ed chuckled. "Yea, she's a lot better to look at everyday than my last partner."

Joe laughed. "Hey, I won't argue with that." Then he turned and left. Ed waited patiently for Nina to finish her call so they could leave.

That night Olivia was at home talking on the phone to Kennedy. "It just...sucked," she said.

"I'm sure."

"What is all that noise on your end?"

"Uhm...I'm out."

"With Bobby?" Olivia asked.

"Yea..."

"But I thought Bobby and Ed and everyone were going out to...oh. Right."

"Don't be mad. You're my friend first, but now so is he."

"I'm not mad."

"You know what I think?"

"No. We're not getting back together."

"Well as much as I would love seeing you two work things out, I wasn't gonna say that. I was going to say...that...I think you need to start dating again."

"No," Olivia quickly replied.

"Why not?"

"Ken, I don't need to date. I've got my work. Dating isn't...important."

"It is, Liv. Relaxing is important. Having a good time is important. Hell, sex is important. Take all that away and you've got...well a disgruntled city cop."

"Ken-"

"No. Look, I get it. I get that you're still in love with him, but-"

"I'm not in love with him anymore."

"Whatever, the only way you will get over him and the anger is to move on. I don't want you to drown in work like this."

"Do you remember how hard it is to meet decent men in this city?"

"First of all; you don't need anything more than some right now. Rebound. Second, yes I remember and I found mine."

"Ugh, don't remind me of your perfect relationship."

"Liv, let me set you up."

"No."

"Please? Zack knows this guy. He's a friend of Bella's family and he's nice. He's sweet and nice."

"Nice? Why does that sound like a disaster?"

"Fine, then tomorrow we'll go out, get you dressed up, and wait for the men to hit on you."

"No, okay. I'll meet this...'nice guy'."

"Good, I'll set it up."

"Just don't forget the last 'nice man' you set me up with."

"Who?"

"That guy. The brother of...someone...he was an investment banker and he wore a yellow suit."

"Hey, yellow suits were in for awhile."

"He was fifty! The yellow was a mix between mustard and vomit, oh and let's not forget...we were at a football game."

"You like football," Kennedy was laughing. "And if I recall, he bought you a giant foam finger."

"And all the hot dogs I wanted."

Kennedy snorted during her laughs. "See? He was nice!"

"You're insane, you do know that?"

"It's why you love me, darling. Now, if you'll excuse me I'm going to get my man drunk and take him home with me."

"Have fun."

"Don't sit around thinking about him all night."

Olivia sighed. "After that kiss today...I'm not sure I can help it."

"I just had a brilliant thought! See, being with my big guy is good for me."

"Get on with it, Ken," Olivia sighed. She smiled, though.

"How about I get Zack to hunt down Mr. Hottie you were dancing with last weekend? Get out on a date with him."

"Oh...I don't know."

"He was sweet, you said so. And handsome."

"I'll think about it."

"Okay, you think. I'll call you tomorrow."

Olivia hung up the phone and looked around her empty apartment. Maybe Kennedy was right. Maybe she needed to move on. But before she did that, she would take one last look at the only picture she had of herself and Ed.

She pulled a book from under the couch, and flipped it open to the page that was being bookmarked by the photo. It was taken by Elliott shortly after Thanksgiving. He'd been having a drink with Ed and Olivia at Olivia's place and, needing to finish a roll of film from the holiday with his kids, he snapped a picture of the couple. She stared at it. In the photo, Ed was looking down on Olivia with a small smile. He had just arrived and taken his coat off and had been saying hello, when Elliott snapped the picture. Neither knew he was going to take it. She remembered standing in front of Ed in that moment, though. One of those many times when they said hello or goodbye and had to skip a kiss, as they didn't care to do so in front of their friends. Though, at least in those moments, they didn't have to pretend that they weren't dating altogether. Even though it had been one of her rules to start with, it was hard on Olivia each time to pretend they weren't together.

She sighed and took one last second with the picture, then shut the book and stowed it away again. Time to move on, but it didn't mean she had to get rid of the picture.

Kennedy hung up her phone and started to walk out of the small back hallway of the bar. She was caught by Bobby stepping into the hallway and blocking her path. He looked down on her with questioning eyes, hands clasped behind his back, his cane hanging at his wrist. A look, she imagined, familiar to all the bad guys he spoke to.

"Yes?" She asked.

"Where have you been?"

"Calling my other boyfriend."

He tilted his head and his lips turned up slightly. He took a step closer to her. "_Other_ boyfriend?"

"Mm-hmm. He's tall, muscular, blond hair, blue eyes..." She gave Bobby a wicked grin.

He nodded. "And this...other boyfriend..." he dipped down and kissed her, ever so softly. "Does he make you feel like that?" She shook her head and pulled him back for another kiss. He smiled. "Don't mention your other boyfriend again...you forget the connections I have." He moved his cane to his side and turned and started to walk away, stopping briefly for her to step to his side, and walk back to their table together.

"Let's have a toast," Joe said, as Bobby and Kennedy rejoined the group. He held up his glass and everyone followed. "For a great cop, a good guy, and a friend." Joe tilted his drink at Ed. "Even though his suits could use some work," he laughed. Everyone else laughed and called "cheers!"

"Not all of us have your sense of style, Joe," Ed replied, smiling. He looked around at the people surrounding him, his friends. His eyes dropped down to his glass. He was wishing that a certain person was there with them, celebrating. A hand was placed on his arm. He glanced over and saw his new partner giving him an encouraging smile. Everyone else was back to talking, so she leaned in.

"I know we've had a rough start, Green, but I'm glad you're my partner," she said quietly. "I'm learning a lot from you, and I have a lot more to learn so stick around, okay?" She sat back. "And that's the only time you'll hear me admit that." She grinned, and he returned the smile.

"I'm glad you got my back, Beauty Queen." She gave him the evil eye, but laughed anyway. His cell phone rang and he reached for it. As he glanced at the caller ID, and saw Kim's name pop up, Bobby looked over his shoulder.

"No," Bobby said. He snatched Ed's phone away and put it into his pocket. "You'll stay here and have a good time."

"I wasn't gonna answer it," Ed defended himself.

"Right," Bobby replied, then went back to his conversation with Alex and Kennedy. Ed rolled his eyes and turned to Joe, who was recounting a story to Nina. From the sounds of it, Joe was adding in more heroic detail than Ed remembered there being. This was something he was used to with his old partner, though. It was Joe's way of impressing a beautiful woman. Ed smiled to himself, then let himself have a good evening for once. As the evening wore on, Joe was able to get some attractive women in the bar to join them. One in particular took her time in talking to Ed, and he didn't quite mind. He had a good time, enjoyed her company, and accepted her phone number at the end of the night.

"Good to see you, Ed, how are you?" Dr. Skoda asked, as Ed settled into the couch across from the doctor.

Ed shrugged, glanced around the room in thought, then met Skoda's eye. "I'm...okay," he nodded.

"Good, very good. Do you have any new thoughts to share with me?"

"Uh...I, uh..." he propped an elbow on the arm of the couch and ran a finger across his lips. He sighed. "I miss Misha."

Skoda studied Ed. "It's good to say it out loud, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"Have you considered going to Misha's grave and telling her so?"

"Yes, but...I can't. I still...can't."

"And have you considered talking to Olivia?"

Ed gave a quick shake of his head. "That's not going to happen. I mean...it's too soon. The few times I've seen her since we broke up, either we fight or...or I see how bad I hurt her. I can't...it's too soon."

"And how do you feel about your job?"

"I feel...centered again. I don't feel like I have to hide in it, and I don't feel like...I have to hide from it. For a while it...it became just...my job...but now, I love it again. It's what I need to be doing. It was almost taken from me, and I don't want that to happen again."

"How are you getting along with your Lieutenant and partner?"

"The Lieu has me on a short leash, which I deserve. Cassidy is being real understanding. We still have our disputes over cases, but we have different views, so that will always be. But we're friends. We're partners, and we have to get along or else we're putting ourselves in danger."

"What else?"

Ed was quiet for a very long time. The things he was feeling and thinking were in his grasp, but he didn't know how to voice them. He wanted to make his voice strong when he said it, to sound convincing. When he finally could, he said, "I'm ready. I'm ready to be okay. To forget the past and forget my failures. I'm ready to work on it all."

Skoda smiled a bit. "It's going to take some time, Ed. You can't expect it to all fall into place right away."

"I know."

"The fact that you have come to this realization is good. You can't try to fix yourself until you admit you need to, and admit you want to."

"So how do I start?"

"What're you doing, handsome?" Kennedy dropped her work bag on the hallway floor as she let herself into Bobby's apartment. It had taken four knocks before his voice called out that the door was unlocked and for her to come in. She walked into the living room and found Bobby on the couch going over files. "Of course," she smiled. "Don't you know you're supposed to stop working when you leave work?" She sat on the couch beside him and tucked her feet under herself. He dropped the current folder he was holding onto the couch on his other side and put an arm over her shoulders. She leaned against him and he kissed the top of her head.

"I was just waiting on you."

"Icky case?"

"Yes, very icky."

She picked up a photo sitting beside him, and before he could grab it away, she looked it over. It was a woman laying out straight, with her arms at her sides, in the back of a pickup truck. Her neck had been slit and her wrists and ankles were shackled down. Kennedy shuddered and let Bobby take the photo away.

"I heard about her. Barrett and Elizandro were called out there, but she was DOA."

"Yes, I spoke with them at the scene."

"Any ideas?"

"A few," he put the photo down and returned his forehead to the top of her head, closing his eyes again. "Let's not talk about it tonight."

"Where's my favorite moody detective?" She glanced around, looking for some presence of Ed in the apartment.

"Hasn't gotten back from work, yet."

"Mmm, how long do you think we have?" She gave him a sly smile. He slid a finger under her chin and tipped her face up to kiss her lips.

"Likely he'll be home any minute."

"Mmm, okay." She tucked her face into his chest. "How's your back today?"

"Fine."

"Still using your cane?" There was a moment of silence. He didn't like lying to her, so he remained quiet. "Bobby," she warned. She didn't have to look at him for him to feel the glare.

"I know," he replied. "I take it to work, I just don't always...don't worry. Alex lectures me constantly about it."

"I don't want you to strain yourself is all." She wrapped her arm around his middle and held tight. "I want you to take care of yourself. For me, please."

"Okay, for you," he replied as his hand stroked her back. The two sat in the silence of their own company for a long time, until the front door opened and closed, and Ed came through the apartment. Kennedy glanced up as Ed was walking past the living room.

"Hey mister," she said with a smile.

He stopped and looked down on the two. "Hey."

"How are ya?"

"I'm good," he told her with a nod. "Better."

"Great. You hungry?" She asked. "I wanna order pizza."

"I could eat."

"Good." She pulled herself from Bobby's grasp and stood. "You sit, I'll order." She left the guys alone and went to the kitchen to place the call.

Ed sat beside Bobby. "How's your day been?"

Bobby gave his large shoulders a brief shrug and rubbed his fingers over his eyes. "Same as usual, and we haven't caught anyone yet."

"You will," Ed assured him.

The three enjoyed pizza and Kennedy's special beer margarita's while watching a corny but seemingly good Hallmark movie, then went to bed. Ed crawled into his cold empty bed, thoughts still in his earlier session with Skoda, and quickly fell asleep.

Bobby and Kennedy lay in bed, in the dark, quietly. He held her in his arms, thinking about his current case. Kennedy was thinking about their relationship. She let out a sigh and turned her face to his. She saw the "cop face" on him and propped herself up on his chest and kissed him well enough to make him forget. He indeed forgot the case and kissed her back. Once she was certain she had his full attention, she pulled away. She smiled at the look of disappointment that flashed over his features. He wasn't able to hide his expressions from her anymore.

"I'm still can't believe that we've only been together for..." her eyes shot sideways as she calculated.

"Two months," he supplied immediately. She grinned down at him.

"Good boy," she commented, before kissing him again. She let that kiss last awhile longer, then pulled back. "Two months..." She ran her hand over his cheek and through his hair. "How is that?"

"What?"

"You had me falling in love with you after a month, now two months into it and...I'm so far gone. You know me so well and..."

"And yet I don't."

"Yea you do. You know about my parents, you know a lot...a lot more than I know about you."

"You know me better than anyone, Kennedy."

She looked into his eyes. "I don't know where you go. When you start thinking, and the cloud comes over your eyes. I loose you."

His brushed a kiss over her cheek. "I don't go anywhere."

"You do. I know your ghosts, but...I can't see them."

"Just as I can't see yours," he said.

"Maybe." She dropped her head on his chest. "I'm just saying, there are little things we don't know about each other. I don't know if you've ever had chicken pox...I don't know what you're allergic to..."

"I had the chicken pox when I was a little boy," he told her. "The only time I remember my brother taking care of me. I have no allergies."

She chuckled. "Good thing to know." Her hand stroked his chest. "You've never once asked me my real age."

"That would be rude of me."

"After two months? You're not curious after being with me for two months?"

"Do you know my real age?" He countered back.

"45," she replied.

"Okay...fine. How old are you?"

She hesitated, then answered, "30." She waited for a response that didn't come. She finally propped back up and looked at him. He was just staring at her. "What?"

He finally shook his head. "I didn't know."

"How old did you think I was?"

"I just assumed you were close to Liv's age."

"So I look older than 30? Oh thanks, Bobby," she joked.

"No! You don't, I just made the assumption on the fact that you two are such close friends. I don't know why."

She smiled. "I'm just teasing. That's okay. So you don't have a problem dating a woman 15 years younger than you?"

"Not at all, do you have a problem dating a man 15 years your senior?"

"Have I had a problem with it thus far? Way I see it, long as you keep up with me in bed, it doesn't matter." She gave him one of her wicked grins and he laughed.

"Tell you what, from now on, whenever you want to ask me something, just ask. I'll tell you," he said.

"Okay. Same here," she agreed.

"Good." He gently stroked her back. "We have time to learn everything else," he told her. "I know there are pieces of you I know nothing about and vice versa, but it doesn't change what we have. It won't change it."

She dropped down on his chest again and closed her eyes. "You're right. As always." She waited awhile, until they were both close to sleep, before she murmured. "Don't worry, old man, I'll buy you a respirator next year."


	17. Chocolate Cake And Exes

**Chocolate Cake and Exes**

The following evening Ed decided to push away his usual circling thoughts, and call the woman he'd met earlier that week. He wasn't looking to start dating any one person again, but he wanted to get his mind off of everything and he wasn't in the mood to call Kim for company.

"Is this Lora?" He asked into the phone.

"It is," she replied.

"Hi, this is Ed, we met the other night-"

"I remember," she said brightly. "How are you?"

"I'm good, how are you?"

"Great."

"I know this is expecting a lot and short notice, but what are you doing right now?"

"I'm going to lie and tell you I'm doing laundry," she laughed.

"Oh? I don't get the truth?"

"You'll mock me."

"How do you know?"

"I don't, but most people would," she replied.

"I only pick on my partner, go on, tell me."

"Ohh, okay," she took a moment, "I'm organizing my sock drawer. It's been driving me crazy lately." Ed let himself laugh. "See! I knew it," she laughed with him though.

"I'm not picking, I'm just..."

"Laughing?"

"No, marveling that I'm not the only boring person in this city. I was thinking about organizing my CD collection or going to get a coffee."

"Coffee?"

"Yea, that's where the short notice comes in. Would you like to join me?"

"I don't drink coffee, but you're welcome to buy me a cup of tea," she answered.

"I could do that." They made plans to meet, and ended the call. He sat still a moment wondering if he really wanted to go. He still didn't feel like sitting home, so he went and changed into something more presentable. He put on a pair of black pants, and a dark red long sleeved shirt. It was thin and light, which was good for the Spring evening outside. As he sat in the living room, tying up his shoes, the front door opened.

"Anyone home?" Called Kennedy's voice through the apartment.

"Yea," he called back. He stood up as she walked in.

"Hey," she looked him up and down. "You look nice, hot date?"

"Uh well..." he looked around a bit.

"What? I was only kidding. You really have a date?" He watched her face as she tried to decide if she was happy or not about the news. "Who?"

"Uhh...remember that woman, Lora, from the other night?"

Her lip curled a bit. "Oh. Right."

"What?"

"Nothing. She seemed very nice."

"You know what Ken, if I'm going to get over her I have to...you know, get over her," he defended. "Isn't this what you've been claiming?"

"Yes, but...why this Lora chick?"

"Cause 'this Lora chick' is attractive, nice, and smart."

"Not as attractive, nice, and smart as Liv."

He tensed up and then shook it off. "See ya later, Kennie."

He arrived at the coffee shop and ran into his date at the door. "Hi," he smiled at her.

"Hey," she smiled back.

He held the door open for her and they stood in line, awkwardly not speaking. Once they ordered their drinks, they found a table and sat down. Neither spoke as they let their hot drinks cool enough to drink. She was the first to say something. "How are all your friends?"

"They're good," he nodded. She nodded back and the silence continued. "And your friends?" He finally asked.

"Good. They're good. Callie was really into your partner," she said.

He narrowed his eyes a bit and opened his mouth to reply, then closed it, then shuffled in his seat and scratched his neck. "Uh...I'm not positive, but I think Nina's just into guys."

Lora laughed. "Yea Callie said she got the straight vibe from her, but.." Lora shrugged.

Ed grinned. "It's a compliment to Nina, I guess."

"I'd say. Callie's picky." They both laughed and eased up a bit. "You're friend...Joe, was it? He said you were celebrating that night. What were you celebrating?"

"Not losing my job," he answered.

"That's a good thing to celebrate."

"Yea," he nodded and sipped his coffee. "Some guys in Internal Affairs wanted to convince my bosses that I'm a lousy cop. Lucky for me no one bought it."

"You like being a cop?"

"It has it's moments. You said you're a chef?"

"I am," she nodded and wrapped her hands around her tea. "Ever been to Gordon's?"

He raised his eyebrows. "No, but I've heard about it. One of those five star _in_ places."

"That'd be it. I'm head chef there, my brother-in-law is the owner."

"What kind of food do you serve?"

"All vegetarian, some vegan; other than that, the menu is pretty wide. The portions are reasonable. Health conscious."

"Vegetarian? Hmm."

"I take it you're a meat eater?"

"I am, but I like a good nutritious meal when I can get one," he said.

"Well come by sometime, it'll be on the house."

"I may have to," he agreed.

"And if you come alone, I might have a few moments to join you," she gave him a pretty smile.

He started getting uncomfortable again. He was trying not to think about the fact that when Gordon's had first opened, Olivia had begged him to take her, but they never got there. "Sounds good."

The silence came back and they both drank their drinks for some time. "You've got that 'just out of a serious relationship' thing going on," she noted.

He looked into his coffee for awhile, then looked up at her. "That obvious?"

She nodded. "How long were you together?"

"Uh..."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked that."

"No, it's okay," he said. "We...damn, even that question is complicated." His eyes went back to his coffee. "We danced around each other for about eight months before we got serious, and even then...it was rough. But we broke up after three months."

"And you're not over her." He left a long enough gap after that remark for her to not need an answer. "I'm not asking for more than a new friend," she told him. His eyes raised from his coffee to her eyes and he found a smile again.

"Okay," he replied. "I can do that."

"Okay," she smiled back.

Over the next week, Ed found company every night for coffee or dinner, though nothing more. Most nights it was a different woman, whether one he'd known and not called lately or whoever. He was mostly able to avoid any real conversation about his past and resent events and just have a pleasant time, which is really what he was looking for most. Anything to forget everything.

Kennedy got home from work and went inside her apartment to change. She knew she and Bobby were going out that night, but she wasn't sure where they were going. She took the easy route and wore her favorite skirt; black and knee length, but not too formal. With that she put on a light yellow shirt and ran a brush through her hair. As she was snapping her sandals the door opened. She jumped up and ran out to greet him.

"Hey," she grinned, putting her arms around Bobby's waist.

"Hi," he smiled, kissing her forehead. "How are you?"

"Where we goin?" She asked. He laughed.

"Right, important things. Ed's meeting us there. Are Zack and Bella still joining us?"

"Yup. Just gotta call them and tell them where to meet us and they'll leave as soon as the babysitter shows. Where we going?"

He handed her a slip of paper with the name and address of the restaurant, and went into the kitchen for a glass of water. "I should warn you," he started. He glanced up and saw she was on the phone holding a hand up to silence him. She spoke briefly to Bella, then hung up.

"Tell me what?"

"Ed's bringing someone to dinner. A date, I believe."

"Good for him," she said, lacking enthusiasm.

"Yes, good for him," Bobby nodded. He put his glass in the sink. "This is what we all want."

"I know, I know...but I haven't been able to get Liv to go out with anyone, and he's been out every night this week."

"She'll be fine," Bobby assured her. He walked over and put his arms around her and looked down at her. "You worry about our friends too much, Kennie. They're adults, they can manage."

"Yea, yea," she muttered. "But this is just one more step to them not getting back together. I don't like it."

"Come on," he patted her back and pulled from her. "Let's go to the restaurant and claim a table until the others show."

Bobby and Kennedy's drinks had just arrived as Ed walked up to their table. Walking with him, his date. He wasn't touching her as they walked up, and he had a grim smile. Bobby stood. "Hey," Ed greeted them. "Bobby, Kennedy; this is Kim." Bobby politely shook the woman's hand. Kennedy eyed her up and down, but leaned forward and shook the woman's hand anyway. She was attractive, Kennedy guessed. In the uptight pretentious model kind of way.

"Delighted to meet you both," Kim smiled sweetly. Ed pulled a chair out for her and they sat. No one spoke at all until Zack and Bella arrived ten minutes later. Kennedy greeted their presence with much gratitude. She stood and hugged them.

"Bella and Zack, you remember Ed of course. And this is his date..uh.." she faked memory loss. Kim stood and extended her hand sharply.

"Kim," she filled. Once they were all seated, Kennedy and Bella went into conversation about the twins. Zack and Ed made small talk to catch up, and Bobby and Kim sat quietly.

"So Kim," Bobby finally said to her. Kennedy glanced at Kim briefly and saw her put on a sugary smile for Bobby. She went back to her conversation with Bella, displeased. "I hear you're a lawyer?" Bobby continued.

"I am," she answered. "I work at Kline, Murphy, and Dunn."

"Is that so?" Bobby was putting on his charming polite voice. "What kind of cases do you specialize in?"

"Mostly corporate. I spend my days stealing money from stupid old men," her smiled widened. "The best way to make a living."

"How long have you been with the firm?"

"Going on six years. One more and I make partner."

"That's exciting," he nodded. He was the only one at the table that had any inkling of her past with Ed, and he wasn't about to share that information with Kennedy. He didn't have to, though. Kennedy spun out of her conversation and put on a smile.

"So, Kim...how did you meet our Ed?"

Kim wasn't an idiot, and knew she was unwelcome. She wasn't going down easy. "Oh Ed and I are _old_ friends," she said. Her hand closed over his arm. "We were quite serious back in the day and have been friends ever since."

Kennedy straightened in her chair and her fake smile went more fake. "I see. How good for you both." She looked over at Ed and met his eyes. He stared hard into her eyes, begging her to play nice. All he needed was Kennedy getting overprotective and mean. And he knew if anything was said about his recent time with Kim, Olivia would find out just as soon.

"What's everyone ordering?" He asked, loudly.

"I think the pasta special looks great," Bobby said. He did his part and put a hand to Kennedy's knee and squeezed hard. Her hand fell on top of his and pinched him.

Miraculously, dinner remained calm and uneventful. As soon as the meal ended, Kim leaned and whispered something to Ed. He nodded and cleared his throat. "Sorry, guys, we gotta cut out early." They all stood to say goodbye, everything nice and polite.

When Kennedy gave Ed a hug, she hissed in his ear, "Be smart, go home."

"Stay out of it," he whispered back. Kennedy waited until they were gone, and the four remaining were all seated again, before she lost her smile and spoke.

"What the hell is he doing with _her_?" She snapped.

"Oh, Kennie, she was nice," Bella said.

"No she wasn't. She was...ugh. What does he even _see_ in her? And serious? Those two? Please! She is _not_ his type."

Zack laughed, "Tell us how you really feel. Come on, Ken, you know what he sees in her. She's hot." He glanced quickly at his wife, as though asking for permission to say it. She nodded and he turned back to Kennedy. "She's hot," he said again.

"She's not hot. Well, okay, maybe she is. But still, not his type. She's...just not his type! And what is it with him? He's been dating a different woman almost every night lately. He's been going to bars and meeting women!"

"That's what single men do," Bella observed.

"Not when they're supposed to be heartbroken and miserable," she muttered. "I can barely get Liv to _think_ about dating again, and he's off playing Don Juan Romeo. And, I'm sorry, but why are they still _friends_? I'm sure he needs some action, but he can do better than _that_. She-"

"Kennedy!" Bobby snapped at her quietly, but firm. Their eyes met and he glared at her. "Stop. I know that Liv's your friend and Kim your automatic enemy, but just stop. He's your friend, too. You know good and well he's still miserable. Just leave it alone."

Her eyes set into a mirrored glare and she opened her mouth to speak, but Bella beat her to it. "Kennedy, people deal with things differently," she said, logically as always. "It may not be the right way, but at least he's stopped being a jerk to everyone around him."

"She's got a point," Zack nodded. "Remember Wilson?" He took a sip of his drink and peered over the desert menu, oblivious to the dead silence suddenly surrounding him. When he did look over at Kennedy, she had moved her glare to him. He looked at his wife, who was shaking her head slowly.

"Who's Wilson?" Bobby asked curiously.

"No one important, love," Kennedy smiled at him and set her hand to his. "I'd love to try their chocolate cake, would you like to split it?" Bobby looked around the table slowly, an amused look on his face.

"Oh no, I think I'd like to hear this." His lips curled up in a smile as he leaned his chin to his hand.

"No you really wouldn't," Kennedy shook her head. "About that cake?"

"You'll get your cake," he assured her. "I don't care about your exes and we don't keep secrets."

"It's not that bad, just tell him," Zack said. The waiter appeared for desert orders and they all made their requests. When he left, Kennedy sighed.

"Fine. Jake Wilson was a short lived fling. We worked together and things weren't working between us, so I broke up with him." She shrugged.

"That can't be it," Bobby said. "Go on."

She groaned. "Fine! I was upset about the break up, cause I actually liked him a lot. A month after we split up, he got married. Several months after that, he got a transfer, but not before telling me that he'd settled with his wife. She was his second choice."

Bobby grinned. "So you broke up with the man, and he was so devastated he got married?"

"Might as well tell him that last bit," Zack waved at her.

"What last bit?"

"The little detail you omitted," he laughed. Bobby looked around the table, even more interested.

"He was our captain," she said, embarrassed.

"You had an affair with your captain?" Bobby asked, not quite as amused.

"Yes, and it's never to be mentioned again!"

Ed politely drove Kim home, and even walked her to the front of her building. The doorman opened the door for them, but Ed held back. "I'll see you," he said, taking a step back. She glanced at him and walked back over.

"No coffee?"

"No coffee," he shook his head. "Thanks for going to dinner with me. It was...good of you."

"Good of me," she smiled with a slow nod.

"I mean it," he said. "I didn't want to go to dinner with my friends alone and I didn't want to take someone that Kennedy would scare off." He smiled. "I knew you'd hold your own."

Kim let out a laugh. "She sure was a piece of work. Glad I could help you prove whatever it was you needed to prove."

"It wasn't..." he started to protest, but then realized who he was talking to. "Okay. I was trying to prove to them that I'm good."

"And you're not," she observed.

"I keep thinking I am," he stared at the ground. "I try to be." She put her hand on his arm and gave it a comforting squeeze.

"You'll figure it out, Ed. You always do," she said gently. Uncharacteristically. He looked at her.

"You know, when you forget to be you...you can be a pretty great woman," he said.

She dropped her hand and gave an exaggerated shudder. "Did I slip again? Oops." She went for the door and the doorman held it open again. She spun around to face Ed as she stepped backwards through the door. "Cut yourself a break, baby, or you'll never be happy."


	18. October

**October**

"_Constantly ignoring,  
the pain consuming me,  
but this time it's cut too deep,  
I'll never stray again." _

_Evanescence_

One afternoon, Ed was bent over his desk working, and barely heard all the chatter around him. He tuned in when he heard the words, "Yes, I'm looking for a Detective Ed Green." Ed glanced up towards the voice and saw a woman, roughly ten years older than himself and looking very much like his kindergarten teacher, speaking with another detective. The detective pointed Ed out and Ed watched the woman acknowledge him and walk over. She stood before him. "Detective Green?" She asked him, he nodded. "Eddie Green?"

Ed felt acid churn in his stomach as he stood. "Uhm...yea...but no one calls me that."

"Misha did?"

He flinched at her name coming from the strangers lips. "How do you-I mean, what can I do for you?"

She stuck her hand out. "My name is Rose." He shook her hand and pulled a chair to the side of his desk for her to sit in. He sat in his chair. "I've been a librarian for many years," she said slowly, gripping her purse tightly in her lap. "That's how I met Misha. She visited the library often and she spent hours in there reading everything she could. There were times that I wouldn't see her for months, but she always returned," the woman said fondly. Ed held tight to the side of his chair, unsure where she was going and if he wanted to hear any of it. "I did not know very much about her, mind you. Just her name and her favorite authors. I presumed she was not well off. There were days that she did not look so well, too skinny or unkempt."

"Ma'am, I don't understand," Ed said, as she took a quiet moment.

"She came to see me one day, Detective-"

"Ed," he threw in.

She nodded. "Ed. She came to visit me. You see, we spoke often. She liked to talk about books and poetry, and so many other things. She was a very smart young woman, and beautiful."

"She was," he was barely able to voice. Nina walked up to their desks and he looked up at her. She opened her mouth to say something, but he gave her a look and a sharp shake of his head. She backed off and walked away.

"This day that Misha came to see me, she looked bad. She looked beaten and bruised, like she was running."

"The day she died?" He leaned forward.

"Yes, although I didn't know at the time that she...died. She came to me for a favor. Years ago, she asked me to hold on to something for her. It was a book. She had lost it once already and she didn't want to loose it again. She said one day she would have a home and a shelf to put it on. She asked if I would save it for her. So I kept it in my locker all these years, and Misha would come in and read it then give it back. That day, however, she said she wanted me to do something for her. She said she had a place she needed to go, and something she needed to do. She said, 'Rose, in a year I want you to find a Detective Green and give this to him," the woman reached into her purse and withdrew a book that Ed recognized immediately. "She said, 'Please Rose, give this to my Eddie." Rose held out the book and Ed just stared at it. It was Misha's favorite poetry book, the one missing from her collection.

"How'd you...how did she lo-..." He looked Rose in the eyes. "What did she say?" He was desperate to know more.

"Not very much. It was just as I told you. She did look different, though. Her eyes. She was not scared or sad. She looked like she was at peace." Rose pushed the book into Ed's hands and he grasped it tight. "She wrote something inside before she left. I know it has been more than a year, but I found you now." Rose stood. "I am sorry for your loss. I liked her very much."

"Wait," Ed jumped to his feet. "Wait..you have to tell me more. You have to...I need to hear more, please."

"I'm sorry, I must go, I have to return to work. If you would like to call me, I will meet you sometime. We can talk more." He nodded and pushed his pen and notebook in her hands quickly. She jotted down her name and number and returned it to him.

"Thank you," Ed told her.

"Thank you," she nodded. "It was a pleasure, I had heard so much about you." She shook Ed's hand before she left.

Ed sat back down and put the book on his desk. He opened the cover, and there on the front page, was Misha's messy scrawl. He dropped the book shut and sat back. He couldn't read it. He couldn't think about her. Seeing Skoda was helping him, yes, but not with that. Not yet. He didn't feel the anger towards Misha that he had previously, but he also wasn't yet at the place to go visit her. He reached out and ran his fingers over the rough, beaten spine of the hard covered book. He had a quick flash of sitting on the fire escape with Misha while she read the book.

"Who was the school teacher?" Cassidy asked, breaking his thoughts. He looked up at her.

"No one."

She walked beside his desk and went to pick up the book. "Poetry? What-"

"Don't," he snapped.

She yanked her hand back. "Sorry," she muttered.

He sighed. "No, I'm sorry. Just...please...don't touch that. It's..."

She nodded. "No prob. Come on, we got a call." He stood and dropped the book into his desk drawer, before following her out the door.

Late that night, he sat at his desk. The room was silent and dark, except for the lamp on his desk. Everyone else was gone for the day and he was sitting, staring at the closed book. For the umpteenth time, he reached for it and flipped it open. This time, he didn't shut it. He looked at the first words, "Dear Eddie" and his heart tightened. After a few deep breaths, he read on. "First off, stop being a punk and read the damn letter" he had to chuckle. He rubbed his face and finally read the entire thing:

_Dear Eddie,_

_First off, stop being a punk and read the damn letter. I know you're probably confused right now. If you're reading this, then you met Rose. If you met Rose, then- I guess I'm not around._

_It should be a year now since the accident. I wanted you to have some time. I have to do something, Eddie. These girls- they're like me. He can't do it anymore. I won't let him. Trust me, I know what I'm doing. If something happens, well if something happens then either I'll finally be out of this city or..._

_Oh Eddie. Please, stop blaming yourself for our past. You have to let it go. When you left my room today, at the hospital, I had felt like I finally told you what I had needed to all these years. Now that I have, I need to leave you with something more. I forgive you. Although there's nothing to forgive. You did what you could for me. You couldn't make yourself feel something you didn't, I get that. The love you did show me, Eddie; it was enough.  You were always enough. So let go. I don't hate you or blame you anymore. The time that you gave me your friendship were the best moments in my life. I'm sorry that I got so lost. I wish I had handled my pain and need to leave-to change- better. _

_I can't change what I've done. You can't either. Remember that. Things cannot be changed. You can only move on from it. I realized this today._

_I know you, Eddie, remember that I know you. I saw the way you looked at Olivia, and maybe I am jumping to conclusions, but maybe not. Take a chance, big brother. Maybe you already did and something has come of it. I liked her, she was good to me. Don't think, don't over analyze, don't be scared. You've always avoided the things you truly want, because you feel undeserving or scared. Stop. Just be. With her, or with anyone. Don't be alone anymore. I want someone to take care of you. I want you to have someone see that huge heart of yours. I want you to have the family that you crave, but refuse to admit you want. I want you to always be the remarkable guy that I have admired, looked up to, and loved all of these years._

_Please Eddie, heal. My life, it didn't work. Make yours work for both of us. I love you. I believe in you._

_Always,_

_Misha_

_P.S. Please go see my parents. Give them a copy of Page 16, and tell them it's okay. You know, they weren't very good parents, but maybe they just didn't know how to be my parents. And apologize. For whatever you may have said to them. I know you, remember?_

_P.P.S. Thank you, for ever._

Ed didn't know what to think or say or do. So he didn't. He sat in his chair, and just stared at the book.

It was after midnight when Ed strolled into a corner store and purchased a single yellow rose. He then walked a block to the graveyard, and he stood outside of it. He studied the entrance gate. He twirled the flower in his hand. He looked at the book in his other hand. He hadn't been home yet. After spending some time at his desk thinking, he spent time walking and thinking. And it had brought him there. He couldn't step in, though. He sat down on the bench nearby, and waited. For what, he wasn't sure. But he waited. He opened the book across his lap and read the letter again. Then he flipped through the book, and read a few of the pages. Every page had markings of some sort. Little comments Misha had jotted, some lines and verses were underlined. A couple pages were dogeared, and yet others had the page number circled. He knew there was meaning to it all, but he wasn't sure what at that point. His focus went back to the letter. There was one line he couldn't tear his eyes from. _"Just be." _He took a deep breath and stood.

Slowly, foot over foot, he crossed the entrance to the grave yard. He took the familiar path to her grave and stopped several feet before it. All that time, and it still looked the same as it always had. Spring had brought fresh grass around her stone. There was no past rose to clear away, as he always did when he first arrived.

The words on the stone blurred before him. For the first time, in as long as everything had gone on, he didn't deny the emotions coming to him. He didn't try to bury the tears forming in his eyes. He felt sad, upset, and ashamed of how he had acted the last time he'd visited.

He took his time before he moved forward and knelt before her stone. He set the flower before it and tentatively set his fingers in the grooves of the lettering. He closed his eyes and said the words in his thoughts as his fingers traced them through. When he reached the final letter, he opened his eyes and sat down. For a long time, he said nothing. He just sat. He thought over everything. The times he spent with her, the pain of her rape and death, and everything after it. Lastly, he thought over himself screaming at her grave. He exhaled whatever he had been holding in all those months.

"You were always enough, too, Mish," he finally said. And then, in the early hours of darkness, he let himself silently cry as he had needed to for the entire past year and a half of his life.

Despite not getting more than an hour or so of sleep, Ed was wide awake first thing the next morning, when he knocked on Dr. Skoda's door. The doctor opened the door and looked out at Ed.

"Detective Green," Skoda formally greeted him.

"Thank you for seeing me this early, Dr. Skoda," Ed said. Skoda ushered Ed in and they sat down in their usual spots. Skoda said nothing, just waited for Ed to begin. "I never told her that she was enough for me," he spoke.

"Never told who? Misha or Olivia?"

"Well...either of them. I never told them."

"That doesn't mean you can't now."

"I know...I...I got this yesterday." Ed handed Skoda the book, opened to the front cover. "And I couldn't sleep last night, I couldn't stop thinking about her, so I went back to her grave. Finally."

Skoda nodded in approval, skimming the letter but not really reading it, out of consideration for Ed's privacy. "And?"

"I told her she was enough. And I sat with her for...hours. I told her everything that has been going on inside my head and my heart..."

"How did it feel?"

"Good, it felt good. When I did go, I felt great. I felt like...even though she couldn't say anything, that she had forgiven me for being away so long. And she forgave me for the past. And it just felt...right."

"How will this affect things now?"

"I want to do things right now. I have to. She said to. Now, I'll always have her words in that book and her voice in my ear. Maybe...instead of living my life on how I let her down...I can live it on...on being the person she saw me as."

"I think that would be a very wise decision, Ed. Did you have any other clarity?"

"Yea...yea I did." He hesitated.

"What is it?"

"I don't want to date other women. I don't want to date women that will never...compare." He paused. "I'm-I'm ready to get Liv back. I'm ready to fight for her."


	19. Forgive Me

**Forgive Me**

"_Cause you were made for me,  
somehow I'll make you see  
how happy you make me.  
I can't live this life  
without you by my side.  
I need you to survive.  
So stay with me.  
You look in my eyes, and  
I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry."_

_Evanescence_

After leaving Skoda's office, Ed glanced at his watch. If he knew Olivia, she was probably just getting to her desk. He didn't care about her co-workers, or anything else, he went straight there. When he arrived the squad was fairly empty, but she was at her desk. He took a deep breath before walking over and standing beside her.

"Olivia," he said. She glanced up with a small jump. She didn't look happy to see him. "Can we talk for a minute?"

"No, I'm busy," she said softly. She put her gaze back on the papers on her desk.

"Please, just five minutes."

She closed her eyes and sighed, then pushed her chair back and stood up. "Five minutes." She lead him to an empty interview room and shut the door. She turned to him with her arms crossed tightly over her chest.

He gathered his thoughts for awhile in silence. When he noticed her impatience, he cleared his throat. "The night we broke up, I went back to Misha's grave. I blamed her for all of it. I haven't been back to her since." Olivia's eyes were glued to the floor. "Until last night. I went last night and talked to her for...for a long time." Her eyes shot up real quick and he saw annoyance on her features.

"Some things don't change," she said quietly. "You always did prefer talking to her."

"And now I'm talking to you." He put a hand on her shoulder to hold her attention, but she shrugged it away. He dropped his hand to his side. "Liv, I'm here to tell you that I'm sorry. I know that I've put you through so much, and I know that I didn't handle things well. I'm...I'm nowhere near the guy you deserve, but I'm working on it. I'm trying to be. And the thing is Liv..." he took a deep breath. "I love you. I always have. I just...I couldn't figure it out. But I do, and I want to be with you. I'm ready to be with you." He stopped, and waited for a response. He watched her hold her arms tighter, then bring her eyes up to his.

"No," she said simply. She shook her head. "You _now_ realize that you love me? Wow, Ed. That's what women love to hear. You..." She took a few steps around the room and diverted her gaze for a minute, then looked at him again. "I loved you _then_. I wanted to be with you _then_. You didn't. It's done. The door is closed."

"It can't be done," he said.

"It is. I'm...moving on. You and me, we're done."

"It's _not_ done. _I'm_ not done." He left it at that, and walked out the door and out of the station.

Olivia returned to her desk and tried to get back into her files. She couldn't. She was completely, 100 percent, distracted by what had just happened. She felt that she had handled it well, but...how was it that he always knew the right times to slide back into her life? Every single time she felt she was making her way to getting over him, he came back, and she knew she wasn't.

"...or maybe aliens planting daisies," a voice finally broke through her thoughts. She glanced up and saw her partner sitting at his desk across from her.

"Huh?" She asked.

"Hi. I've been trying to get your attention for the past half hour."

"When did you get here?" She looked at the clock over his head. Sure enough, it had been nearly an hour since Ed left. "Oh..." she shook her head to clear it, "Sorry."

"What's up with you?"

"Not a thing." She picked up her mug and went over to the coffee pot, where John was pouring himself some brew. She held her mug out with expecting eyes. He gave her a smile, then filled her mug.

"Don't lie to your partner like that, I saw Green leaving here earlier," John said. She gave him a glare. "What? You secretly dating him again or something?"

"No. Never," she took a small sip of the hot coffee and grimaced slightly at the poorly made drink. No matter how long she worked in SVU, she'd never get used to how bad the coffee was. "He just wanted to talk."

"And?" Elliott came over and filled his cup as well.

"And nothing. What is it with you two?" She rolled her eyes.

"We don't believe you," Fin put in, joining the small circle.

"My life is not your midday soap opera, thank you," she said. "Stay out of it."

"Since when do we stay out of it?" John asked.

"Cut the man some slack, Liv. I like him," Fin said.

"Then you date him." She took her coffee to her desk and sat down, ending the conversation.

She thought the subject was over with, but she should have known better. Halfway though her day, her desk phone rang. "Benson," she answered it.

"You, Ed, fill me in," came Kennedy's voice. She sounded rushed.

"What're you doing?"

"Had lunch break with Bobby, running late in getting back to work. You and Ed, this morning, come on."

"No, I don't-"

"Look, he already told Bobby he went by there, Bobby told me. I want to hear your side. He came in, told you he wanted you back, you said no. Am I missing anything?"

"No, that sums it up."

"Tell me exactly what he-No! No, no, no! Sonuvabitch! That was my cab! Yuppie bastard!!"

Olivia smiled a bit at what she heard but said, "Kennedy, you sound busy I'll-"

"No, no I'm good. Hold on." Olivia listened as Kennedy seemed to flag a cab and get in and tell the driver where to go. "Okay, now, tell me what he said."

"I'm not going to tell you with these guys listening in."

"Fine. Tell me the details later. For now, let me just say, he really is getting better. He is. I'm seeing a change in him, and I didn't even know him when you were dating. Bobby says he's seeing drastic changes. There, that's all the defending I will do. Now I'm on your side. What do you want to hear? That damn jackass, how dare he come into your place of work and expect you to just take him back!" Kennedy let out a exasperated sigh.

Olivia laughed. "Thank you, Ken. I'll call you tonight, okay?"

"Okay, chin up honey, you're strong." Olivia hung up shaking her head at her friend. Not for the first time in their friendship, she silently commented on how strange Kennedy was.

On his way to the 2-7, Ed smiled at a thought that came to mind. He made a quick stop at the closest floral shop and ordered a sunflower be sent to Olivia with a note. "Not done," he jotted quickly on the note card. He smiled, paid for the order, and headed for work. That'd get her, he was sure of it.

When he got to work, he was settling in and pouring coffee when his partner strolled in. "Morning," she greeted him brightly.

"Good morning," he replied, just as brightly.

She stood at her desk a moment, looking at him. "I like you this way," she commented, then proceeded in discarding her purse and jacket.

"Didn't get any sleep last night," he told her.

"Well, do it more often." She flashed him a grin before walking off. Ed sat down in front of his computer to write his roommate a quick email. If he knew Bobby, Bobby would talk to Kennedy and Kennedy sure as hell would talk to Olivia. Maybe talk some sense in to her.

_B Saw O today, put up a good fight. Lost this round. I'm not going down yet. Gather me some opinions, tell me what to do next. E_

Later in the day he and Nina returned to their desks from being out talking to witnesses and he pulled up his email real quick. He had a reply from Bobby.

_Ed, Kennedy says keep groveling even though you'll never win. Eames says chocolate and groveling. Wheeler says leave the poor woman alone and accept that you were an asshole. Logan says forget her and go after McCoy's new assistant. Excuse me, Logan says "Green, buddy, your cop is dragging you down. Forget that and get some fun from McCoy's new girl." Now for my advice: Give Olivia some room, Ed. Let her be for another month or two and keep visiting Skoda, then try to talk to her again. She's still upset with you and what went on. If you keep getting in her way, she won't be able to think rationally about your new promises. She knows where you stand now, give her time. I know that isn't what you wanted to hear, but it's what I think. Good luck, my friend. On a side note, I know I have not been by the apartment very much this week, so if you could please empty the trash can from my bathroom and bedroom I would be very appreciative. Bobby._

Ed read the email carefully. Bobby was right, Ed didn't like his advice. Mike's advice made him laugh. He didn't know Wheeler, but her advice didn't give him much of a reason to like her so far. He decided Eames was the only one he'd listen to. He nodded and closed the email out. For the day, there was nothing more he could do. It was his goal to be more attentive to the job, and that day's case was no picnic.

Olivia and Elliott returned from court to find a sunflower sitting in a coffee mug on Olivia's desk. "What's that?" She asked, stepping up to her desk.

"Delivery guy brought it," Fin said. "I put it in water for you." He looked proud of himself so Olivia smiled to him.

"Thanks." She picked up the note card next to the mug and read it over. Then she rolled her eyes and threw the card into the waste bin. She picked the flower up out of the mug and went to throw it away, but paused. She smelled it, then sighed. She looked around the squad room and her eyes stopped on one wall where several photo's hung. She walked over to them and stared at the photos of the officers killed in duty. She stuck the flower between the wall and frame of the picture of, Kay Sloan, the woman that had been killed just the year before. She nodded and went back to her desk. Elliott watched it all.

"Feel better?" He asked.

"Nope."

"We'll get some drinks after work," he said.

"Promise?"

"I'm in," Fin said from his desk.

"Good," Olivia nodded. Her phone went off and she answered it, then waved to Elliott. "Come on, Melinda needs to see us."

When Ed got home that day, he was exhausted. His lack of sleep from the night before had kicked in an hour before he was able to leave work, a headache was slowly forming behind his eyes, and in the back of his head near the base. He was thankful to again have an empty apartment as he changed into his lazy wear and went into the kitchen. After pawing through the contents, few as they were, he realized he was just too tired to eat. He poured himself a glass of water and headed for his room. He made a quick detour in the bathroom hoping to find some aspirin. He looked under the sink and found nothing. He shut the cabinet door then stood and pulled open the drawer beside the sink. He riffled through it, thinking of how it needed to be cleared out, and spotted a wonderful small white bottle. As he reached for it, he knocked aside the box of band-aids and spotted something else. Something he had made himself forget. He pulled his old silver bracelet from the drawer and looked at it, then put it over his wrist. Where it belonged. He'd been without it for long enough that it felt awkward on him. That didn't matter, though. He smiled down at it. "Better Mish?" His eyes flickered skyward a moment. "There, now will you help me out a bit down here?" He took two aspirin and headed for his room, now smiling despite it all. _"They keep it loose, they keep it tight, everybody's dancing in the moonlight,"_ he murmured under his breath as he went to bedroom, giving himself a small spin in the hallway.


	20. Send Her My Love

**Send Her My Love**

"_It's been so long  
since I've seen her face.  
You say she's doin' fine.  
I still recall a sad cafe.  
How it hurt so bad to see her cry.  
I didn't want to say goodbye."_

_Journey _

Over the next few weeks, Ed got very wrapped up in work. Although he did try calling Olivia a few times, she never answered, so he didn't have further contact with her. He did think about her constantly though. That was something that couldn't be avoided.

She did her best not to think about him. At times it was easier than others, but as it had been over the previous months, she was learning to get over it. By then, they had been broken up longer than they'd been together, so getting over him was becoming easier for her. So much so that she at last let Kennedy set her up on a date. A date with the handsome man she had danced with at Zack's parents' party.

It was a Friday night, and by some great luck, Olivia did not have to cancel or delay her date. She even got home in time to shower and leisurely get ready by the time he rang her bell at 8pm. Moments before the bell rang, she was standing in her bathroom, staring at her reflection in the mirror. She wanted to go, she was ready to do it, but a piece of her still ached. She studied herself carefully. She knew what was holding onto her, and she hated it. When the bell did ring she breathed in and out. She knew she needed to go out with this man, so she pushed all thoughts of Ed from her mind, and went to answer the door with a smile.

Thomas stood on the other side of the door wearing a pair of creamy brown slacks and a green shirt with a long sleeved white shirt over it, hanging open unbuttoned. She noted that the green shirt made his blue eyes burst, and that his smile was beautiful, but also that no matter how hard he tried, he'd never be as good a dresser as Ed. Seeing his casual look, she was glad that she had settled on black pants and a silky blue short sleeved shirt. She had brushed her hair back and threw an elastic around it simply. She kept the make up at a minimal.

"Hello, Olivia," Thomas said warmly.

"Hello, Thomas," she replied. "How are you?"

"I'm finally taking you out, I'm great," he grinned. She smiled back and stepped out of the door and locked it. "How do you feel about Chinese?" He asked.

"You kidding? I live on it," she smiled and gave an approving nod. "Sounds great."

"Good, right this way, please," he offered her his arm, and she took it, letting him guide her out to the cab he had waiting. She pushed aside the thought that Ed would have driven them to dinner.

"This really isn't necessary," Ed said. He sat at the dining room table, across from Bobby and Kennedy, as they all picked at the dinner Bobby had made. "It's Friday night, you two should be spending it alone. I told you, if you want the apartment I can-"

"No, Ed," Kennedy shook her head. "You won't be going out to dinner alone. We wanted to spend some time with you. I've been keeping Bobby at my apartment a lot lately, you two miss each other."

Ed and Bobby looked at each other and shrugged. "I heard you the first time," Ed replied. "And I said I'll stay." They ate in a comfortable silence for a bit, then Ed cleared his throat. "So, uh...how's Liv?" He asked with his face in his plate, so he missed the look Bobby and Kennedy exchanged.

"She's..." Kennedy coughed. "She's good, Ed. Same 'ol Olivia. Bobby, love, is there any more salad?"

"Sure," Bobby reached for the salad bowl and passed it over.

"Okay, nice try. How is she?" Ed asked again.

"Ed, don't you think it may be time to-" Bobby started, but Ed was already shaking his head.

"Don't go there, man. I just asked how she was, I didn't ask what she's doing right now."

"She's good, Ed," Kennedy finally answered. "She's starting to spend time with me again, she's smiling more, she's finally good."

"Is she...seeing anyone?" A long silence was his answer. "Oh. Who? Do I know him? Or, I mean, is it just different guys?" He looked back and forth between his friends.

"Don't do this to yourself," Kennedy told him gently. "It's time to move on. It's over."

Ed dropped his fork, stood up, dropped his napkin and shook his head. "It's not over," he said. He went to his room and grabbed his jacket and shoes. On his way to the front door, he was stopped by Bobby coming over. "Where are you going?"

"To visit Misha, is that a crime?"

"You should stay in."

"What is this with you two trying to keep me in tonight?"

"Because! Olivia is out on a date tonight. Her first...her first date since you. We didn't want you running into them," Bobby admitted.

"Yes, because in this whole city, the one night they go out I would run into them?" Ed asked. "Unless they're camped out on the sidewalk out there, I don't see that happening." He pushed his way out the front door, and headed to the grave yard. All he could think about was the _she_ was on a date. With someone else. His woman was on a date with another man. He felt a familiar anger and frustration returning.

Thomas led Olivia into a small Chinese restaurant and up to the host. "I called in an order to go," he said. Olivia watched as the woman handed Thomas a bag of food and he paid for it, then headed for the door. He glanced back at her and saw her curious expression. "Trust me," he chuckled. He held the door open for her and they got back in the cab. He gave the driver an address and the car pulled back into the street.

"Where are we going?" She finally asked.

"A place," he replied.

"A place?" She asked with a smile. He just nodded and smiled back.

"You're kidding, right?" Olivia glanced around, with a bemused expression.

"Nope." He set a throw blanket across the floor and placed the food bag down.

"Whose boat is this?" She asked, taking in her surroundings. They were docked to a pier on a small but beautiful sailboat outside the city.

"Mine," he answered. He held her hand as she sat, then sat beside her. He started dishing plates out and went on, "This was my home for a long time. I did a lot of sailing before moving here to the States."

"Really? That sounds..." she shrugged and picked up her plate. "Like something I could never do. Wow."

He smiled. "It's the greatest thing I've ever done."

They ate and she looked at him. "Why go out of your way like this for me?"

"I'm trying to impress you, Olivia, is it working?"

She looked into his blue eyes and at his big smile and nodded. "It is."

"Good. Very good. Zack had me talk to your friend Kennedy, and she told me you just got out of a tough relationship. I thought you might deserve some impressing." His eyes sparkled as he watched her. "Besides, since we met I've been hoping and praying that you would accept a date with me. I had to do it right."

"Well, Thomas, you're doing it very right," she told him. As they finished their dinner, Olivia listened to Thomas' stories of his travels. She enjoyed listening to him. He was so animated, she couldn't not enjoy it. She saw the real happiness that his travels brought him. And hearing it all in his Scottish (this she learned from Kennedy, he was Scottish not Irish) accent, only made it better.

They were sipping at their wine when he let his storytelling fade. "So, Olivia...what kind of man would hurt you, like this last so obviously did?" He asked gently.

Olivia shifted uncomfortably in her spot. "I don't know that we should discuss that, Thomas."

"Are you not over it?"

"No, I am."

"I'm not asking to be nosy. Sometimes it helps to just tell a stranger," he offered.

She thought for a long time about whether or not to get into it, and finally she said, "I let my guard down for him. It shattered the first time he kissed me," she thought of the steps of the courthouse, and then thought of the time before that. The night he had broken in her arms, then kissed her so quickly and absentmindedly. "I fell for him in a way that I never had fallen for anyone before. Unfortunately, he has a lot of problems that he couldn't see past. What I felt for him wasn't mutual...or maybe it was, but he wouldn't let it. So I had to leave him." She shrugged and brought her eyes up to Thomas. "The end," she concluded, leaving it at that.

He stared at her, as if he were looking into her thoughts, then brought a slow hand to her cheek. "Don't let that keep you from letting your guard down again," he said. "Some of us won't let you down." Then he moved his face to hers and kissed her lightly, waiting for her. Lost in the moment, with the moon and the sailboat...and the wine...she let him kiss her and returned it. Before letting it get too far, she pulled away from him and breathed. She moved back on the blanket and looked at him. It was nice, he was nice, everything felt nice...but it was just _nice_. It wasn't Ed. It wasn't fire.

"I'm sorry," she scooted back a few inches. "I can't..."

"Don't apologize," he told her. "I'm sorry, I jumped into that too soon. Let's just talk some more. I'd like to hear about your job." He leaned back on his hands, giving her more room, and looked at her. She looked back at him, and wanted so badly to be there, but she couldn't. She couldn't look at him and not wish he was someone else. She couldn't talk to him and not wish she were talking to someone else. And she couldn't stand the pain and turmoil that someone else constantly brought her.

"I should get home," she said. "This has been...great, it really has. But I need to go home."

"Alright," he reluctantly cleaned up their food and they went to get a cab. "I'll see you home," he offered.

She looked at the cab. "No...no, I'll get my own. Thank you, Thomas. Thank you for a nice evening."

"When you're ready, I hope you'll call me," he said.

She nodded. "I will keep your number."

"Good night Olivia, and good luck with getting over him." He held open the cab door. "Go on, I'll catch the next."

She climbed in and waved to him as the cab pulled into the street. She told the driver where she lived, then sunk down into her seat. Why couldn't she just move on? She held it in. She waited. She waited until she could get into her apartment and slam the door shut and curl up into bed, before she let any tears fall.

Kennedy rolled over in Bobby's arms and heard a faint beeping sound echoing in the bedroom. She opened her eyes and let her vision and brain adjust to the dark. She glanced at the clock and saw the neon readout. 3:45. She groaned and reached for the offending cell phone that was beeping with a new voice mail. She glanced at it and saw a missed call from Olivia. Closing her eyes, she dialed her voice mail and held the phone to her ear.

"Hey Kennie...I guess you're asleep. You should be at nearly 2am..." She didn't sound good at all. "I've been sitting here for a long time...wondering why. Why I couldn't...I tried, Ken, I really did. I just couldn't...I don't know. I'll talk to you later."

Kennedy sighed at the message and felt Bobby shift beside her. He mumbled something inaudible. She hit replay on the message and held her phone to Bobby's ear. When it was through, he gently pushed the phone away, not opening his eyes or moving otherwise. "Nothing you can do," he mumbled.

"Maybe I should go over there," she popped an eye open and looked at him.

He pulled her against his body and buried his face in her neck. "Nothing you can do until morning. Sleep." She gave in, not wanting to move from his arms, and went back to sleep. As she did, though, she issued a silent promise that she would go visit Olivia first thing in the morning.


	21. Another Lonely Day

**Another Lonely Day**

"_Yes indeed, I'm alone again.  
And here comes emptiness crashing in.   
It's either love or hate,  
I can't find in between,  
'cause I've been with witches and I've been with a queen._

_It wouldn't have worked out anyway.  
So now it's just another lonely day.  
Further along we just may,  
but for now it's just another lonely day"._

_Ben Harper_

The week before, with the confirmation that Olivia was dating (he had not been informed of the date gone bad), Ed's mood went downhill. He submerged himself in work all week and barely let himself think about her. It was the best he could do.

Until Thursday night.

He was sitting around the living room, watching TV, when Kennedy came over to see Bobby, who wasn't home from work yet. Instead she sat down with Ed and hung out. "So did you hear about Saturday?" She asked.

"What about it?"

"Liv's birthday."

Ed focused stronger on the screen. "Oh? Yea I guess it is, isn't it? So?"

"A bunch of us are throwing her a small party. Well, not a party as much as Stabler and the guys are arranging take out from some place she likes. Was all her partner's idea, he thinks she needs it. Personally, I don't understand the whole 'celebrating birthdays' thing."

"She doesn't like dinner parties."

"I know, but she'll deal."

"Why are you telling me this, Kennedy?"

"Because me and Bobby are gonna be there and...I just don't want you to hear about it in the future and get mad that we didn't tell you."

"I couldn't care less."

"Maybe you could drop by," she offered after awhile.

"I don't think so. She won't...she doesn't want me around."

"I just think that, at some point, you two are going to have to start getting along. At least be okay with being in the same room. The rest of us are sick of trying to give you two space."

"Glad you're concerned Ken."

"Ed! Stop. I'm just...if you want to come by, it's where we'll be," she summed up as Bobby's key sounded in the door.

But Saturday afternoon, Ed had no intentions of going anywhere. He was on the couch, watching some movie on HBO, waiting for the day to end. Every time he glanced at the clock, he thought about all the things he would be doing with her if they were still together. Back when they were together, he may not have come up with much, but now he had lots of ideas on how to impress and romance her. He always told everyone he had game, but now he was starting to believe it. Well, at least he could if he weren't such a loser. He reached to the coffee table for the phone and dialed a number.

"You better have a good reason for calling me on a Saturday," his partner said as a greeting.

"I've been thinking."

"Oh dear, give me a minute to sit down," she replied. He waited. "Okay, Green, what've you been thinking?"

"You should take the stand on Monday in my place."

"Me? Why?"

"You know this case, you just about led us through it, and you've got a connection with the defendant," he explained.

"Did. I did have one. Then we found out she did it."

"Right, but she was still all about trying to impress you and get you on her side. You know this case in and out, I think you should take the stand."

"Okay, talk to McCoy first thing Monday and if he's okay with it, I'll do it."

"Good." He nodded but didn't end the call.

"Anything else?" She asked.

"Whatcha doin?"

"What am I...I'm making lunch," she answered with a small laugh.

"Whatcha makin?"

"Grilled cheese."

"Ahh."

She gave him a long silent reply, then sighed. "Ed, would you like to come over for lunch?"

"Nice of you to offer," he said. "See ya in a bit."

"Okay, I'll make more." They hung up and Ed flipped off the TV. He needed to do something distracting, even if that was eating his partner's cooking.

When Ed approached the door to Nina's apartment, he heard a smoke alarm blaring and smelled something quite horrible. He pushed his way in the door and went to the kitchen where Nina was standing on a chair that wasn't quite tall enough, and she was on her tip toes trying to hit her smoke alarm with her spatula. There was a pan with a black brick sitting in the sink, and the room was full of smoke. He bit back a smile and pulled Nina off the chair, then climbed up and turned the alarm off while she opened some windows.

"Mmm, lunch," he said, looking into the sink. "Remind me why you keep trying?" He rolled his sleeves up and picked up the pan. He threw out the burnt sandwich and washed the pan quickly, then set it on the stove and started preparing a new sandwich. Nina started wiping crumbs and butter off of the counter.

"Remind me who's apartment you're at?" She shot back. She poured two glasses of apple juice and sat down with one at the counter and watched him fry up new sandwiches. "So why were you so bored that you came here?"

He shrugged and showed off by shaking the pan and flipping the sandwiches in the air. "All my real friends are busy." He set the pan back on the stove.

She rolled her eyes, "Thanks."

"No," he smiled briefly. "Actually, today is Liv's birthday and they're all having a party and..." he shrugged. "I tried moping around the house, but it wasn't working."

"Well, by all means, mope here. Long as you cook."

When the food was ready, Ed plated it up and pushed one at her, and sat beside her with his. They ate quietly, and he glanced around the kitchen. His eyes stopped on the dish rack next to the sink, then at a tie draped around the doorknob to the pantry.

"Who you seeing?" He asked.

"Huh?" She glanced over at him. "No one."

"Right." He pointed to the dish rack. "Two wine glasses, two dinner plates."

"Two nights worth of dishes," she explained.

"And since when do you wear ties?"

"It's...a gift for my father."

"You lie," he laughed. "Ties get put into nice little boxes when you buy 'em. And you get these calls lately that make you go all girlie and smiley." He nudged her. "You can tell me, who's your friend?"

"No one you know," she replied, finishing her food.

"He's a cop, isn't he?"

"Nope."

"Lawyer?"

"You know, Ed, some of us can find dates outside of work."

"Ouch," he shook his head. "That was uncalled for." He went back to his lunch and Nina laughed at him.

When he finally went home, he went back to his moping in front of the TV. Late in the evening, the front door opened and he looked up. Bobby and Kennedy came through all smiles and laughter.

"Hey roomie," Bobby smiled and loosened his tie.

"Ed," Kennedy said warmly. She sat next to him and wrapped an arm around his neck. She leaned up close to him. "How are ya?"

Ed glanced up at Bobby, who was smiling. "Sorry, she had a few drinks."

"Edward." She rested against his shoulder and patted his chest. "You should have joined us tonight. She wanted you there."

"Right."

"She didn't say so, of course. You two and all your hidden feelings and pent up emotions. You two are pains in asses. Ass? Pains in ass?" She drifted off in thought about the proper way to say it.

"C'mon, it's your bedtime." Bobby bent down to pull her up.

"Sweetie, wait. I'm talking to our friend here. You know you agree with me." She yanked Bobby down to sit on her other side.

"I'll just-" Ed tried to stand, but Kennedy didn't let him.

"Now Ed, you listen to me! She won't listen to me and I've given up because...well...she scares me."

"And I don't?" He asked.

"No. You're harmless." She patted his knee. "So will you listen to one thing?"

"Alright, tell me," he grimaced.

"We've all been playing this game all these months, 'Keep Ed and Liv apart! They hate each other!' And we've all been walking on eggshells around you two, and trying to keep you happy; when all along all of us..." She yawned. "All of us...hmm...what...oh, all of us know that the only way you two will ever be happy is to be together again. And that's what I think. And...and you..." She faded into silence. Although he didn't want to hear more, Ed still waited for her to finish.

"Uh...Kennedy?" Bobby asked. He and Ed looked down at her. She was out. They glanced at each other with raised eyebrows. Bobby stood and lifted Kennedy in his arms. She pressed her face into his chest and wrapped her arms around his neck. Bobby kissed the top of her head and raised his eyes to Ed. "Night," he whispered, before walking off down the hall. Ed could hear him talking softly to her as he took her to the bedroom. Ed had to wonder if his roommate had ever had the jealousness that he'd been feeling lately. He glanced at the clock for the hundredth time that day. It was her birthday for another hour. He'd been doing good all day. He'd wanted to see her all day, and held back. He'd been doing good...until then. He jumped up and walked out the door.

He stood outside her apartment for twenty minutes before going in, then stood outside her door for ten minutes before knocking. The second he did knock, he wanted to turn and flee. He would have too if she hadn't answered so quickly.

As the door flew open she spoke. "See Fin, you always forget some-" She stopped mid sentence, holding a coat out to him. "You're not Fin," she finally said. He shook his head, unable to say much of anything. No surprise, she was already in her sweats. Even so, he was reminded of how beautiful she was. As if he could forget. She pulled the coat back and hung it on a peg beside her.

"Party's over," she said, crossing her arms self consciously.

"I know," he finally found his voice, though it was quiet. "Bobby and Kennie just got home. She was-"

"Drunk," Olivia finished, a wry smile hinting at her lips. "Lucky for all of us, she's a very loving drunk."

"Why I had to get out of the apartment," he joked. That got her to smile for real. They stared at each other for a long time. "Happy Birthday, Liv." Their smiles had faded.

"Not anymore," she nodded to his watch. It had just passed midnight.

"Don't you know birthdays don't end until you go to sleep?"

She looked down at her feet. "I'm ready for it to be over." She looked back up at him. "What is it you want Ed?"

"I don't know...I guess I don't want you to be alone on your birthday."

"I'm alone every other night, why should tonight be different?"

The question was like a dagger, but he replied, "Because you're going to sit up all night with a glass of wine and all those pictures of you and your mom...and I don't want you to."

"Ed...you can't just come over like this. I'm not ready for us to be friends. I'm not ready to look at you and not..." she closed her eyes briefly. "Please, go." She reopened her eyes. "Don't make this day more painful than it's been."

He nodded and stepped back. "Okay, I'll go." But he didn't walk away, and she didn't shut the door. He was staring at the floor. "Did...was...was he here?"

"Who?" She asked, leaning against the door jamb and staring into thin air, anywhere but at him.

"The guy that you dated last week. Any...any guy." When she didn't answer, he finally glanced up at her, his head still angled down. He watched her as her eyes bore into the wall and she bit the inside of her cheek.

"Can we not..." she started, but broke off.

"Okay," he said. He dropped his eyes to the floor again, and made a move to leave.

"No, he wasn't," she answered. He stopped and looked at her. She still wouldn't look at him though. He took a step to her. "Please go," she whispered. She looked so unhappy, he just wanted to be near her, to see her smile again.

"Liv."

She shook her head. "Don't." He moved closer again. "Please," she said, her voice painful. He stood in front of her and raised a hand out to place on her arm, but didn't touch her. "Ed, please, please just leave." But she didn't close the door on him, or pull away, so he put his hand to her arm.

"Don't be miserable."

"You made me this way," she said shakily.

"And I can make you happy, too," he said beside her ear, wanting desperately to put his lips to her skin.

"I...I can't..." She circled away from him to put space between them. She was in the apartment and he was in the doorway. He watched her. "I can't be near you. It hurts to be near you."

"I know that," he said through clenched teeth. "Believe me, I get it." He waited, then stepped forward and pushed the door shut. "But it hurts more to not be near you." He moved to her, and she stepped back. She hugged herself tightly and closed her eyes as he took another step forward. He returned his hand to her arm. "I just...want to be here," he said, this time letting his lips brush her cheek. A pained moan sounded from the back of her throat as she fought between leaning into him and pulling away. He held her face still so she couldn't turn from him. She struggled with him, but he didn't give in.

"Please," she begged again, barely above a whisper. "I told you...not to touch me again."

He reluctantly let go, stepped backwards, and watched her hug herself. "Tell me once more to leave, and I will," he said. She still kept her eyes closed, but didn't tell him to go. He saw the internal struggle going on in her head. "I'm here, baby," he said, in the same tone that she was once defenseless against. He put his fingers to her elbow and pulled her close, then pressed his mouth to hers. She didn't respond at first, but then she did. She kissed him back. Still defenseless.

His hands moved between them and unclenched her arms from her chest. He pulled them to her sides, drew his hands around her, and pulled her tight to him. Her hands found the sides of his shirt and grasped the cloth. The desperate needy kiss lasted for quite a while, then he took a moment to breathe, not letting her go. "I'm here," he said again.

"I hate you," she said in a tight whisper against his face.

"I love you," he replied. Unsure of who was guiding who, they made their way to her couch and lost themselves in each others arms.


	22. Cheers Darlin

**Cheers Darlin'**

"_What am I darlin'?  
A whisper in your ear?  
A piece of your cake?  
What am I, darlin?  
The boy you can fear?  
Or your biggest mistake?" _

_Damien Rice_

Olivia grabbed a throw to wrap around herself. "You need to go." She stood, gripping the blanket tight, and tossed his clothes to him. She picked up her sweats, and went down the hall to redress. She came back out and found him dressed and sitting on the couch. She went to the door and pulled it open, waiting. He didn't leave, but stared at her instead. "Damnit Ed! Leave."

"I don't want to."

"And I don't care what you want."

He rose from the couch and walked over to her. "So what's...what does-"

"No, we're not having the 'what does this mean' talk. It meant nothing."

"It meant something," he argued.

"It didn't. It was fun, but it's nothing. It changes nothing. We're always going to want different things."

He stepped closer. "Not anymore. I want everything you want. I'm not scared anymore."

"I don't believe you."

"Try. Give me another chance. I can show you, I'm...I'm different now."

"And so am I." She pushed his hand away. "You...I fell in love with you, and you turned me away. I won't let you do it again."

"I won't, Liv. I told you I lo-"

She gave his shoulder a shove this time. "You don't get it, Ed! I'm not okay! I haven't been sitting here waiting for you to come to your senses! I have not been waiting for you to have this epiphany that you love me! Do you not get that being with you...it was new for me! No one else...no one..." she shook her head and looked into his eyes again. "Once I knew about my father I felt...this...this part of me. I felt a piece of me that was bad and ugly and...evil. He was a part of me and I always felt it. But when I was with you...I didn't feel it. When I was with you, all I felt was good. And now that's gone. I'm glad you're fixing yourself, but...I'm not going through that again. I won't. So just go."

He watched her and nodded, then walked out the door and turned back to her. "There is nothing bad, ugly, or evil about you, Liv. I'm sorry you feel that way. And I'm still not giving up." With that, he did leave.

When he woke in the morning, the first thing Ed heard was Bobby and Kennedy in the kitchen. He crawled out of bed and pulled a t-shirt and sweatpants on over his boxers, then he went into the kitchen. Bobby was cooking and Kennedy was at the counter, head buried in a cup of coffee. He sat beside her and rubbed her back.

"Hangover?" He asked. Bobby poured a cup of coffee for Ed and set it on the counter.

"'Lil'bit," she mumbled into her mug.

"That's what you get for drinking," he replied. He glanced up at Bobby who had a small smile on his lips while he started piling food on plates. "Why do you let her drink?"

"I don't tell her what to do," Bobby shrugged. "And she only had two glasses of wine."

"You know what wine does to me," she slowly and somewhat coherently got out.

"You know Ken, as much as a tough chick you are, you sure can't handle your alcohol," Ed teased.

"My coffee is hot, I can spill it on you," she retorted. Ed got up and helped Bobby carry all the food out to the table, then came back for his coffee cup. He picked up Kennedy's as well.

"Come on," he gave her a nudge and she slowly got up and slumped out to the table. Ed sat across from her and looked at the spread before them. Bobby sat down and Ed shot him grin. "Look at you, Susie Homemaker."

"One of us has to," Bobby said in Kennedy's direction.

"You want a woman to cater to you, date a teacher or something," she replied. She took a huge bite of her scrambled eggs.

"I've tried teachers," Bobby replied to her, "Too boring. And she always tried to outsmart me."

"And your ego's too big for that," she supplied.

"Hey, I won't complain," Ed said. "When Ken's here, I get breakfast."

"Get married and you won't need me," she said.

"Why would I get married? I've got the Iron Giant here." Bobby threw a piece of toast at Ed, who threw a napkin back.

"Boys," Kennedy rolled her eyes.

"You passed out in the middle of a lecture last night," Ed told her after a bit.

"Did I?" She got lost in thought for awhile, trying to recall. "Oh. Right. Well, forget I said anything. I seem to recall Bobby trying to talk sense into you, and fists were flying, and you two didn't speak for a week."

"Don't worry, I'd never get into a fight with you," Ed told her.

"Wise. She'd win," Bobby said.

"True," Kennedy nodded. "But if I were to continue my lecture, I would tell you that it's time for you and Liv to kiss and make up. I love you both too much, call it a weakness."

"Well we don't seem to have a problem with that first part, it's the making up that isn't working. And that's on her," he said without thinking. Then he realized what he had said, and lowered his face to his plate.

"Oh don't be embarrassed. Liv told me."

"She told you? Already?" His head popped up fast.

Kennedy, who was finally coming out of her haze, looked at Ed in confusion. "Hon, she told me two months ago, when it happened."

"Oh," he shook his head. "Two months ago. Right."

"Wait, what were you talking about?" She was now completely interested. "Not the scene after your trial?"

"No, yes, that's what I meant." He nodded, looking like a bobble-head dog.

"No. You said _already_...spill." She pointed her fork at him and a piece of hashed brown flew across the table and landed on Ed's shirt. He delayed the conversation and focused on brushing the offending food away.

"Liar," Bobby sang under his breath while he ate. He pretended not to be interested in the gossip, but Kennedy knew he wanted to know what happened as badly as she did.

"Forget it," Ed said.

"Come on, Ed. We've suffered through this drama, too, we should know-"

"It's nothing!" He snapped. "I went over last night to ask for forgiveness again, and she shut me down. Nothing."

Kennedy studied him carefully, then gasped. "You two had sex!" Ed shook his head. "Yes you did! Oh my God! That's wonderful!"

"Kennie, I just told you...she didn't forgive me," he said quietly, sipping at his coffee, eyes down.

"No, no, this is a break though. Back me up, love," she nudged Bobby.

"No I'll stay out of his sex life, thank you."

"I gotta call her." Kennedy jumped up, hangover forgotten, and ran off for her cell phone.

"Come on, Ken! Don't tell her I was discussing-"

"Oh Ed, I'm a woman. I know how to talk around gossip. I tell her I'm just calling to say hi after last night, yadda yadda, and soon she confides in me that she screwed her ex randomly after we all left. Easy." She waved him off and shut the door to Bobby's room. Ed and Bobby glanced at each other.

"Hey, she's your woman," Ed muttered. He wasn't happy that she was calling Liv, but he knew better than to get in Kennedy's way.

Ed spent his Sunday much like he had spent the day before. He did a lot of nothing. Bobby got called into work and Kennedy went to babysit her partner's kids, so Ed was home alone. He didn't mind though, he liked his private time these days. The only thing that he didn't like was that he was stuck with his thoughts. He was even more confused than he had been. He was also more convinced than ever that he wanted her back. Then he started wondering if anyone at the 2-7 needed a hand with anything. Work was always good for him. Distracting. As evening approached, Ed looked forward to bed and work the next morning. While he was sitting around, the phone rang, and at the same time a knock came at the door. He grabbed the phone and went to the door.

"Hello?" He said into the phone as he opened the door. He went deaf to the phone a moment as he saw that it was Olivia on the other side of the door. He slowly tuned back in.

"Ed? Ed," the voice said. He realized it was Kim. He wanted to know why she was calling, but he didn't care to ask.

"Can't talk," he said. He hung up and looked at Olivia. "Hey," he said gently.

"I was depressed last night," she launched right into it. "I thought about you all day and wondered if you'd-" the phone started ringing again, and she waited to see if he'd answer it. He shook his head and threw the phone onto the side table. He looked at her, wanting her to go on. "I wondered the whole day if I'd hear from you. And...I didn't want to...but I did, too." The machine kicked on. If he'd had brains, he would have gone to turn it off, but he was too stuck in his spot to think about it. It beeped.

"Ed darling, it's me. Call me back."

Ed closed his eyes and silently cursed Kim. He didn't want to open his eyes and see Olivia's face. "I'm not going to ask," she said. He opened his eyes and met hers. She was watching him. "You shouldn't have come over last night."

"I don't care," he replied.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?"

"I think you know why." His cell phone started ringing from the living room.

"She seems anxious to talk to you, I'll go," she said, stepping back.

"I don't want to talk to her, I want to talk to you," he said.

"Goodnight Ed," she began to walk off.

"So you came all the way over here to tell me off?" As he knew she would, she turned back to him to retort. But as she stepped back to him, he took her arm and pulled her into the apartment and slammed the door shut. Before she could say a word, he held her close and kissed her. "We both know why you came over tonight," he whispered.

"No, I-" He cut her off again, but she pulled from his kiss. "Bobby? Kennedy?"

"Gone. All night," he replied.

"This means nothing."

"Whatever you say," he replied, guiding her to his room.

She didn't jump up and leave right away. "Stay," he said softly. "Just stay the night."

"Why?"

"Because you still love me," he replied.

"Not enough." He watched as she got up and dressed.

"She's no one," he told her.

"I really don't care, Ed," she shook her head and walked out of the bedroom. He lay back and listened to her walk out the front door and close it behind her. He sighed, then groaned, and rolled over in his bed to bury his face in his pillow. He gave a frustrated, muffled growl into the pillow. He heard his cell phone ringing again. He rolled his eyes and slid into his sweatpants, and went to retrieve the phone. He didn't have to look at the caller ID to know it was Kim again. He answered it.

"What?" he asked sharply.

"Temper, temper," she chided. "Here I am just checking up on you, and you have to bite my head off?"

"Don't start, Kim. You don't 'just' anything." Then he closed his eyes, took a breath, and sighed. "Sorry."

"But maybe you're right. I was curious if you'd do me a favor, seeing as how I helped you out a few weeks ago."

"And what would that favor be?"

"One of our big clients is holding a benefit and I have to bring a date. I will score big points with this client if I bring a member of the New York City Police Department, especially a detective."

"And I fit the bill," he finished. "Yea, I'll do it. Only to make us even. After that...I've gotta focus on other things."

"So I won't hear from you for another year," she said blandly. "Just look nice."

"Yea," he said before hanging up. The conversation faded fast as he looked around the apartment, helplessly, and went back to bed. He sat up all night thinking, and smelling _her_ on his pillow.

Over the next week or so, Ed tried to get in touch with Olivia, but of course he didn't. He was starting to think that maybe that was it. Maybe it was finally, really, truly over. He was getting depressed again. Kennedy didn't seem to know anything, which was good. Not that he expected Olivia to tell her. He made it through the next two weeks, but got tired. He was tired of trying, tired of failing, and tired of getting no result. He knew she loved him, but he had next to no hope left. And he was starting to not even care.

Olivia ignored the calls and emails and tried her best to carry on with her week. She was surprised about how well it was working for her. Aside from fielding his calls, she barely thought about Ed at all. She felt like she was making progress, and it was good. Her and Elliott's cases had slowed down, new ones becoming more far between. The air was warm and everything was in bloom as Spring carried on. She found herself smiling at random points during the day. Even her partner noticed a change in her. It was good. She felt good. She felt like it was finally all over, and she was going to be okay.

"Love, are you coming with or not?" Kennedy asked Bobby, as she hopped around her living room, trying to yank her new skirt on and slip hoops into her ears at the same time. He glanced up from his files on the couch, and smiled at the look of her.

"Careful," he suggested.

"Robert Goren! Zack and Bella have dinner plans in thirty minutes, I promised I would sit for the kids, and you said you wanted to join me. I am leaving, are you coming?" She rolled her eyes. Skirt and earing's in tact, she slid her feet into her favorite clogs and grabbed her purple jacket. By the time she got her purse and keys and was at the door, Bobby was standing there, ready to go. "Thank you," she said. She pulled the door open and ushered him out like a child. In too much of a hurry to pay attention, she didn't see that Bobby, newly cane free, limped a couple steps before falling into normal pace.


	23. I'm The Only One

**I'm The Only One**

"_But I'm the only one  
who'll walk across the fire for you.  
I'm the only one  
who'll drown in my desire for you.  
Its only fear that makes you run,  
the demons that you're hiding from,  
when all your promises are gone.  
I'm the only one."_

_Melissa Etheridge _

Bobby sat at his desk and jotted notes. The air was quiet between his and his partners desks. It had been a lot recently. He didn't question it, but something was hanging between them. He ignored it, as always, and kept at work. It was sometime after lunch when she spoke to him for the first time in a couple hours. "You got plans tonight?" Alex asked, popping open a can of soda. "I was thinking about trying this new deli out near my place-"

He nodded, but didn't look up. "I do have plans."

She stared at him, annoyed that he was so quick to shoot down her attempt to move over the bump in their friendship. "With her?"

"Her?" He glanced at his partner. "What does that mean?"

"It was just a question."

"Not with that tone." He went back to the file he was reading.

"Okay, Bobby, whatever," she dismissed him with an eye roll.

"If you want to say something, say it now." He looked at her again. "This is your only chance."

"I'm just a little amazed that you're still seeing her. What's it been, a couple months?"

"It's been over three, actually. And what you really mean is...you're amazed _she's_ still seeing _me_?"

"Don't put words in my mouth."

"Be honest and I won't have to."

"Fine. I thought you'd have a bit of fun with her and move on."

He hadn't been expecting that. He cocked his head to the side. "Really? Why would I do that?"

"She's not exactly your type, Bobby."

"And you know my type?"

She shook her and leaned forward. Her words were coming out all wrong. "No. But she's...she's fun. She's young. She's-"

"Fake?"

"Yes," she answered bluntly, glad she didn't have to say it.

"Fake..." he threw the folder shut. "Of all the people," he looked away from her.

"I'm looking out for you. I just don't know if she's a serious person like you."

"You don't know her," he said simply.

"She drops by here all the time, I've heard the things she says to you...I've heard things about her.."

"You don't know her," he said more sharply. He looked back to her. "I never took you for the type to judge someone so quickly." He started gathering his things from his desk, and he stood up.

"You're right, I don't know her."

"You don't like her."

"No."

"Is that why you've barely spoken to me the past few weeks?"

"No. Well..._no_." She looked down at her own notes, then at the wall behind him. "I'm just concerned is all. I didn't want to open my mouth and say the wrong thing.

"A bit late for that," he commented.

"You know I want what's best for you."

"Have I said a word about your new friend?"

"What's wrong with Lukas?"

"Nothing. That is my point." He picked up his stack of folders. "I don't know him, but I believe you would not be with him if he wasn't good. I would appreciate the same decency. For you to at least pretend to believe in my choice of who to be with. Or we can go back to not having a friendship, and just being coworkers. Up to you." He turned and walked off to one of the conference rooms to get space. Alex gave him a minute, then got up and went after him.

She walked into the room and started talking. "I'm sorry, like I said-" She stopped when she saw him leaning over the table. One palm was down flat on it, the other was to his back. His head was drooped and his eyes were closed. His face was contorted in pain. "Bobby?" He shook his head slightly. His legs were trembling. "What's wrong?" And she rushed to his side, just as his legs gave out and he crumbled to the floor.

Bobby opened his eyes and found himself laying in a hospital bed again. He looked around getting scared. "Hi," Alex said from his side. He glanced over at her.

"What happened?"

"You passed out. You been having problems with your back?"

"Am I okay?"

"Bobby. Have you-"

"Yes. I thought it was nothing."

She shook her head. "You're an idiot."

"Am I okay?"

"Dr. Westmoreland was in here for awhile, I'll go get him." As she left, Kennedy blew in the door. She slid up to Bobby's side and slapped him in the chest.

"Ow," he said.

"Stupid mule!" She hit him again. "What's wrong with you?"

"Kennie, stop," he tried to grab her arms.

"Are you trying to land yourself in a damn wheel chair?" Bobby was able to hold her wrists still, but she was trying to wrangle free. "You damn son of a-"

"Kennedy," he said gently. He pulled her down and held her to his chest. "I'm sorry I scared you."

"Dumb ass," she said into his chest. He kissed the top of her head. She brought her face up and looked him in the eye. "Shit-head."

"I love you, too," he replied with a smile.

She pushed her forehead to his and closed her eyes. "You gotta take care of yourself, love."

"I know...I didn't...I didn't want you to know that I was having problems. I didn't want to admit it to myself."

"I don't care. You have to take care of yourself."

Alex stood outside the door, but watched over them. She shouldn't have, but she couldn't help it. She turned and stepped off after a bit. She was ready to admit she had judged too quickly. Maybe the woman was good for him. She definitely learned quickly how to keep him in line. As she walked down the hallway, a familiar face walked up to her.

"Hey Green," she said to him.

"He okay?"

"I think so, I'm off to find Westmoreland, get him to talk to Bobby."

Ed nodded and fell into step with Alex. "What happened?"

"He just...fell over," she shrugged. "He told me, now, he's been in pain recently. He's only been off the cane a few weeks. Did he mention anything to you?"  
"No, nothing," Ed shook his head. "Maybe I should-"

"No, give him a minute. Kennedy's in there."

"Oh."

"She's not so bad," Alex admitted.

"She's not," Ed agreed. They ran into the doctor and directed him to Bobby's room. They waited in the hall, while the doctor filled Bobby and Kennedy in. Ed stepped back a bit as he watched Olivia enter the hallway. She caught sight of them, and rushed over.

"Kennedy called me. Some garbled upset message about going to the hospital. Is she alright?" She asked hurriedly.

"She's okay," Ed assured her. "It's Bobby." The look that crossed her face at that point, jabbed at his heart. A look of fear, fright and curiosity. "He passed out at work. Something to do with his back."

"What?"

"We don't know yet," Alex said. "Excuse me," she turned off towards the drink machines, knowing well enough to leave the two alone for a bit.

"What's been going on with Bobby's back?" Olivia shot at Ed.

"I don't know. He never said anything to me, I haven't noticed anything. Have you?"

"No..." she glanced at the floor, at the wall, at the other wall. "I haven't really seen him much since my birthday."

Ed nodded and threw his hands in his pocket. "Yea he and Kennedy have been hard to find lately."

"They seem to have figured it out." She finally glanced up at him. "Figured out to make it work."

"They do," he agreed. "Some people have it."

"Yea," she sighed. "And some...don't." They shared a prolonged glance, almost an understanding, a truce. "I'm going to.." she pointed at some chairs down the hall.

He nodded. "I'll be here." He didn't watch her walk away. He knew what it looked like by then.

Kennedy stood over Bobby's bed, holding his hand, as the doctor spoke to them. "The nerves seem to be having erratic twitches," he went on. "This would be why you might be feeling fine, then at random moments you might be in pain and feel unable to walk smoothly. Tell me how long this has been going on."

Bobby, feeling good on pain killers, heaved his shoulders. "A week...or three. But nothing nearly as bad as today. Today...I felt like...flames...on my spine. Like ice. Then I felt nothing. Then I woke up here."

The doctor nodded. "Bobby, I want to give you the best medical help that I can, but I can't do that if you don't work with me. You must come see me when you're feeling pain. Now, from what I can tell of your tests, you are perfectly fine. These twitches are not necessarily normal, but not surprising. You spine is simply readjusting itself. I'm going to issue you a new batch of painkillers and I'm sorry to say, you will be on your cane again, and off your feet as much as possible. Have you seen your physical therapist recently?"

"They have sessions once a month," Kennedy told Westmoreland, as Bobby was fading more and more into the beautiful clouds of drugs. She took advantage of her moment, "What do you feel about chiropractic care?"

He thought, then nodded. "Done the right way, for the right person, it's good. In fact, I was going to advise that as his PT is winding down, and once he's feeling better from this spell, that he visit a friend of mine. He is a wonderful chiropractor, and although the first few visits may give him more pain, it will really help Bobby in the long run. I will put his number in with Bobby's med's."

"Thank you, Dr. Westmoreland," Kennedy shook his hand. "Are you sure he's alright?"

"He will be just fine. Just make sure he takes better care of himself. Remind him how he felt about being paralyzed."

"I'll do what I can." As the doctor left, Kennedy looked down at Bobby. He had slipped away into his dreams. She sighed and gave him a gentle punch that she knew he wouldn't notice, then kissed his forehead. "What'm I gonna do with you, lug head?" She murmured against his skin. "You know I hate these damn places." She kept close for a moment, then straightened up and went out into the hall to find Alex.

Instead, she found Ed and Alex. As she stopped to speak with them, she also noticed Olivia walking up to them. It sent waves of relief through her. Olivia hooked an arm through Kennedy's.

"How's the big guy?" Olivia asked.

"Stubborn," she replied.

"What's new?" Alex asked, and she and Kennedy shared a knowing grimace.

Kennedy took a moment to tell everyone what was going on. "So," she concluded. "From now on, we all have to watch out for him. At work," she glanced at Alex. "At home, and...everywhere." She sighed and shook her head.

"Okay, let me go fill Ross in," Alex said, walking off with her cell phone.

"I should get going," Ed said reluctantly. "I left Cassidy with the Lieu...no telling who will be alive when I get back," he joked. He looked down the hall at Bobby's room.

"I got him," Kennedy said. "Go to work."

"Call," he ordered. Then he squeezed her shoulder and gave her a kiss on the cheek. He looked at Olivia. Before he could open his mouth and say anything, she nodded.

"Work's slow, I'll keep her company."

"Good," he said. "See you round, Liv."

"Yea, see you round Ed." And they actually smiled at each other before Ed left. Kennedy raised her eyebrows to Olivia.

"What was that?"

Olivia gave some combo of a head shake and shrug, unknowing what to say. She was able to muster, "I think we might be over it."

"Or you two-"

Olivia rolled her eyes and started pulling Kennedy down the hall. "Your guy is in there, in pain, and you're still busy trying to get me and Ed back together?"

Kennedy gave a distracted sigh and shrug, "Never hurts to try." She walked down the hall, leaning on Olivia more than she wanted to admit.

Bobby was being kept in the hospital overnight, and there was absolutely no convincing Kennedy to go home. Ed had stopped by after work to check on things, and out of tradition, bring Bobby one of their age old "remedies" of fries and shakes. After a long visit, though, he decided to leave and let his friends have some time alone.

"Oh Ed, wait," Kennedy called as he walked out the door. He turned back. She tossed him a book. "Olivia left this. I was going to hold on to it til tomorrow, but she's got some work notes tucked into it that she may need. Would you mind dropping it off?"

"Yea, I guess I could."

Kennedy watched him leave, then looked over at Bobby. "How you feeling?"

"Fine," he said, his eyes closed.

"Tell me what Ross said," she told him again. He had yet to answer her.

Bobby didn't want to answer, but he also wanted the evening to be argument free. "He's putting me on desk duty again. He says maybe some interrogations, but off the field at least a few weeks."

"Good."

Bobby opened his eyes and looked at her. "Good? How can you say that?"

"Oh it's quite easy for me, Bobby. _Good_. A little time out might teach you a lesson."

"My cane does not get in the way of my job," he said to her just as he'd told Ross.

"No, but then again when do you really ever use it? And while it may not get in the way, your back pains sure do. When was the last time you were able to run after a suspect?"

"The occasion hasn't arisen."

"Oh really?"

He rolled his eyes and looked away. "Eames is a good runner."

"And what if something were to happen to her and you had a sudden 'spasm' and couldn't get the bad guy? What then?"

"Kennedy?" She stopped talking and looked at him. "Honey, I appreciate you being here, I want you here...but shut up." Kennedy opened her mouth to retort, but then let it slide. He was laying in a hospital bed, she could be pissed at him later. She got up from her chair and leaned over him to kiss his lips.

"I love you, dumbass."

Ed made his way to Olivia's apartment. For the first time in a very long time, he was not anxious about it. Okay, maybe a little bit.

He knocked on her door. She opened it wearing a pair of jeans and a faded red t-shirt that he vaguely recognized. He gave her a small smile. "No sweats?"

"Just got back from the market," she answered. "What brings you here?" Despite the good measures they were making, there were still memories and pain between them. He decided not to mention that the shirt she was wearing was his. He was sure she knew.

He held up her book. "Ken thought you'd need this."

"Oh. I do, thank you." She took the book and flipped through it, pulling out her notes.

He nodded. "Well...I'll see ya."

"Okay," she said. He turned and she pushed the door shut, but then he stuck his hand out, keeping her from closing it completely. "Ed, what're you-"

He looked at her through the crack in the door. "There's a difference...between stepping away from you and feeling okay, and...being over you." He shook his head. "I'm not-"

"No, please. I thought that we were moving on. I thought-"

He pushed his hand further through the door, and since she wasn't mean, she didn't attempt to close it on him. Before she could step back, though, his hand found her hip. He pushed his way into the apartment, gently. Knowing full and well what he was doing, he ran his hand down her side until his fingers brushed over the hem of the shirt. He slowly moved his fingers underneath it, and up, until he felt skin. She didn't push him away. "This is my shirt," he said.

"And?" She replied, basking in the wonderful feeling of his hand. She hated that she didn't want to push him away. She hated that she wasn't as over him as she thought she was.

"And I want it back," he replied. He stepped backwards, pushing the door shut, and pulling her with him. The quick motion sent her flying into him, and him against the door, with a soft thud. She didn't move away. She closed her eyes and dropped her head to his chest as his fingers twirled across her back, then around to her stomach, then up...

"Then take it back," she said against him. He didn't hesitate in tugging the shirt up and over her head.

"Let me guess," he said quietly. "This means nothing?"

She looked up into his eyes. "Nothing," she replied. He nodded and let his finger slowly trace her cheek and jaw, then up across her hairline. He took his time staring at her face, as her hands found his belt buckle. "Stop," she murmured. "Not like it used to be..."

"It'll always be that," he said. When she started to pull away, he sighed. "Okay, not like it used to be." And he quit being in the moment, and just went as she led.

He wasn't too surprised that she kicked him out as soon as they were through. He knew it was past the point where she would ever let him stay, and maybe soon there'd be nothing. He wasn't about to debate the motto of, "Beggar's can't be chooser's."


	24. Again

**Again**

"_...the 2nd time leads to the 3rd, the 4th, the 7th time.  
I feel so alive, it won't last but it's alright.  
Pleading joy and fading ecstasy, here it goes again, oh.  
Sneaking fruit from the forbidden tree, sweet taste of sin..._

_...You can't hate me and be my lover,  
Passion ends, the pain begins."_

_John Legend_

Kennedy was dressing by the city lights streaming into the bedroom window, not wanting to disturb him. He had only gotten in four hours before, and had crawled into bed in a rotten mood. She had just rolled her eyes and gone back to sleep, not wanting to bother with him. Then she had to wake up, before the sun was up, to get to work. She hated having to go in at 4 am. Usually she and Zack got decent shifts, because of his kids, but then there were times they had to pull their weight.

She sat on the bed to lace up her boots, and the weight in the bed shifted. Bobby rolled against her and wrapped an arm around her waist in attempt to pull her back. She resisted his pulling and knocked his hand away. "Go to sleep," she said. He moved over and lay right behind her, his face at her side. She looked down at him and he looked back with sleepy eyes. She dropped her fingers through his hair.

"Where you going?"

"Where do you think?" She dropped her pant cuffs and put her feet on the floor, then she bent down and kissed his forehead. "I'll see you tonight."

"No," he whined, pulling her again. This time, she landed against him with a hard thump.

"Bobby, I gotta go," she said, pulling away from his grasp. He reluctantly let go, and she stood. She looked down at him and shook her head. "Take your cane to work today." His response was a sudden urge to close his eyes and get back to sleep. She kicked the side of her bed and his eyes reopened. "I'm sick of this! I am not your mother or your doctor, you stubborn idiot. You fainted at work, because you weren't taking care of yourself. You were in the damn hospital for crying out loud!"

"Honey, I'm not in the mood for this, work was-"

"I really don't care. I'll put it to you this way." She hitched her EMT bag over her shoulder and narrowed her eyes at him. "Every time you don't use your cane, consider your sex life decreased. And...if that doesn't work, we can discuss whether it's necessary for you to stay over here as often as you do. Got it?"

He groaned, but opened an eye to look at her. He saw how serious she was and gave a nod, before dropping his eye closed again. "Got it. No cane, no sex."

She sighed, shook her head, and bent over him to kiss his lips. "I love you."

His hand found her cheek and he kissed her back. "You're a fool to love me."

"I know it," she agreed, walking out the door.

Ed was sitting home alone on another Saturday night. After a heartbreaking stressful case that week, he had no problem sitting on the couch and watching Comedy Central. He was in the middle of watching a really funny stand up when his cell rang. He thought about ignoring it, but got up instead and grabbed it from the counter. He sat back down. "Hello?"

"You owe me."

"Owe you what, Nina?"

"A drink."

"I do?"

"Yes. Fact is, we've got a tally of your attitude from earlier this year, and I have yet to cash in completely. Plus, my date canceled, so you're taking me out for a drink."

"Yes ma'am," he sighed. "Where do you want to meet?"

He walked up to the restaurant that Nina had chosen. He went inside and found her at the bar with some old guy, who had no hair, and was hitting on her quite obnoxiously. She was trying to be nice and polite, but it didn't seem to be working. Ed didn't get it. He knew the woman had it in her to be a hard ass, but she always preferred to try nice first. He stepped over and smiled at the two. The man stared up at Ed.

"Sorry I'm late," he said to Nina. He pushed his way into the space between Nina and the man, and turned to face her, his back to baldy. "I was cleaning my gun and lost track of time." Ed smiled as the guy scrambled up and walked away. He took the guy's seat.

"Thanks," Nina said. "He's been all over me since I got here."

"And you couldn't kick his ass?"

"In this outfit?" She gestured to her black skirt, red top, and black heels. "I'm not messing this up for some drunk old man." Ed laughed and shook his head, signaling the bartender for a drink. He mumbled 'beauty queen' under his breath, and she elbowed him. "It's not like that. I spent a long time getting ready for my date, I want to look good awhile longer."

"So who is it that canceled on you and why?" He asked, sipping at the beer that was brought to him.

"No one important Why were you sitting home alone tonight?"

"My roommate and his girlfriend are at her partner's place for dinner. And my ex, who's been using me for meaningless sex, hasn't called me all week." He sipped his drink again. Just as the night Bobby was in the hospital hadn't been the first time, it also had not been the last between him and Olivia.

Nina stared at him incredulously. "Uh..."

"What? You keep telling me I don't talk to you enough."

"A simple, 'I had no plans' would have sufficed."

He smiled. "Sorry, I guess Skoda's doing me more good than I realize."

"Tell ya what, focus some of that at the office."

"I know I need to stop taking it out on you, but it's just so easy." She popped him in the shoulder and he laughed.

"So what's this about you and your ex?"

"I don't know...I screwed up and she's not forgiving me. Forget me though, tell me about this guy you were supposed to go out with tonight."

"He's a good guy. I like him."

"Why'd he cancel?"

"Had to work."

"What does he do?"

"Ed, remember when I first started and you refused to talk about Benson?" He nodded and tried to reply, but she cut him off. "Then don't ask. It might not even be anything at this point."

"Okay." They sat, enjoying their drinks and company. After the second drink, Nina's phone rang.

"Cassidy..." She smiled and laughed. "Does my partner count?...Work?...See you in ten." She hung up and hopped off her stool. "Date's back on. See ya, Green."

"Just like that? You're gonna ditch me?"

"Yes." He watched her leave, then he paid their tab. He got up and started for the door, on his way he bumped into someone. He glanced up, and of course, it was Olivia. He stared at her for awhile, then shook his head.

"Of all the places..."

She glanced at him, looking unhappy to see him. "Hey." They stood awkwardly, and she asked, "What're you..."

"Drinks with Cassidy. You?"

"Uh...I...on a date."

"A date?"

"Yes."

"A date."

"Yes, Ed. Please...I'll...I'll see you." She started to walk off, but he grabbed her wrist and peered into the dining hall.

"Who is he?"

"Don't. Let me go back to-"

He pulled her outside where they could speak. "You haven't been returning my calls."

"I don't have to, we're not together anymore."

"Oh? Okay, I'm having trouble keeping up."

"Nice Ed," she muttered.

Ed was looking through the windows. He laughed and pointed. "Is that him? Nerd in a suit. Interesting choice."

"Ed," she pulled his hand down from the window. "He's a very nice man."

"A nice man. Oh I'm sure. Does he tell you about his stock portfolio's and vacation home in Maui?"

"At least he has plans for life," she remarked.

"Ooh, plans." He turned to her. "Do share."

"For one, he hopes to settle down and get married within four years. He owns his own home. He wants 2.5 kids and a dog."

"And a white picket fence? My, Liv, he sounds perfect," his tone sarcastic.

She glared at him. "He's safe."

"Safe? Sounds more like boring. You were never bored with me." He stared at her. "Come home with me."

"What? No. Go away." She rolled her eyes, but made no move to go inside.

"No. Ditch the suit and leave with me."

"No." He put an arm around her waist, pulled her tight against his body, and kissed her neck. He felt her shiver in his arms, and knew it wasn't the warm night air causing the shivers. He whispered a few suggestions in her ear, causing her to shiver more and even smile. He saw the smile.

"Come home with me. I promise you a much better time."

"I can't."

"What's the guys name? Phil? Tom? Stu?"

"Laurence," she said. "He's not so bad." She pulled out of his arms and stepped several inches away.

Ed glanced in the window and sighed. "He's polishing his spoon."

"So he likes cleanliness," she peered in with Ed, and sure enough, her date was polishing his spoon.

"Has anyone told _Laurence_ that those glasses went out of style forty years ago?" Olivia turned her face from him to chuckle. "And explain the 2.5 kids to me, cause I've never gotten it. Why would you want to be with a guy who doesn't have it in him to give you an entire kid? Sounds like really bad sex to me." Again, she laughed and his chances felt better.

"I can't just leave," she said.

"No. You can. He's gotta be used to it." Ed was still watching the man.

"My jacket's in there. What do I say to him?"

"That you're ditching him, and the stick up his ass, to go home with someone else."

"I'm not saying that. I'm not doing that."

"Then leave the jacket."

She looked at him more seriously. "Ed...this has to stop. I-"

He closed the space between them and gave her a sharp look. "If it has to stop, then stop wanting it." She just turned away. "Fine, stay with Bill Gates." He turned to walk away, and she groaned.

"Wait. Just...give me five minutes," she grumbled. He stepped back and watched her as she went inside. Laurence spilled his water as he stood to greet her. Ed smiled. The poor SOB never had a chance.

"That was horrid," Olivia said, as she walked beside Ed.

"What's horrid is that guy actually thought he had a shot with you."

She glanced up at him. "You can be a real ass. You know that?"

"It's part of why you love me."

"I don't. Especially not for being an ass."

"Yes you do."

She stopped in her tracks, stared at the ground, and stomped her feet a bit. "No, I can't do this. I'm going home."

"Damn Liv!" He turned back to her and stepped over angrily. "You've been using me all month, get the hell over yourself!"

She looked up at him. "I..." She wanted to say something, because what he had said was true. But she couldn't. Instead, she replayed what he'd said in her ear, and after another case of shivers, she stepped up beside him. "Let's go."

They got to his apartment and went in. Bobby and Kennedy were still gone and would be all night. Ed swung Olivia to him and kissed her.

"Someone's gonna catch us one day," she muttered.

"You plan on keeping this a regular thing?" He grinned. "We can move it to your place if you want."

"Shut up," she said, before dragging him to his room. Not that she actually had to drag him.

For the first time during all of the drama, she stayed afterwards. For a little bit. But she wouldn't let him hold her. He lay on his side, staring at her. She glanced over. "What are you looking at?"

"What's holding you back?" He asked.

"Let's not-"

"No. We're going to. We're finally going to. I would say that all of this stops until you figure out what you want, but I can't. I'll take whatever of you I can have, even if you leave me alone when it's all over." She stared into his eyes and he brushed the hair from her forehead.

"I already told you how it is between us," she said.

"Right. But you left something out."

"What?"

"You love me."

She opened her mouth to object, but closed it, then said, "Of course I love you, Ed."

"Then what's the problem? You dumped me because of my fears, and now that I'm over them you won't come back to me because of yours. I don't get it."

She put her hand over her eyes and exhaled. "No."

"No? Explain it then."

"You're not over it. You are trying, but what happens when- I mean, _if_- I come back and we get back to that place?"

"We'll figure it out."

"And when you break my heart again?" She moved her hand and looked up at him. "What am I supposed to do then?"

"You don't call that a fear?"

"Okay! So I have fears! I'm entitled after what happened. My fears, they are rational." She looked at the ceiling. He moved and looked down on her.

"What about second chances?"

"No," she said softly, avoiding his eyes. "You're only beginning to fix yourself. I don't want to be in the way of that. You need to do this without me around. And I think after tonight..."

"Don't say it," he argued.

"After tonight, I won't be bothering you anymore."

"You're not bothering me and you're not in the way."

She looked at him. "I have to protect myself."

"Not from me," he bent close to her and rested his forehead to her shoulder. "You don't have to protect yourself from me, baby." She leaned her head to his briefly, then pushed him away and sat up. "So you think you'll be better off with a guy like Laurence? A man who will never get you or your job? Or better off all alone? You think you'll be happier?"

She pulled on her clothes. "Happier? I don't know...I don't know anything these days..." She stood still and watched him. "Don't think that walking away from you ever gets easier."

"Then stop doing it," he shot at her. There was no reply, because she left.

Kennedy lay beside Bobby in her bed, watching television. He was going through a case file. She glanced at the file, then at him. "Do you have to?"

"What?" He asked, not even moving his eyes.

"Nothing. Excuse me." She flipped back the covers and walked out to the living room. She pulled the thick quilt from the back of the couch and curled up with it, laying on the couch. Since the TV had been moved to the bedroom, she was left with silence. She didn't mind, she wanted to sleep anyway.

Fifteen minutes had passed when Bobby realized she hadn't come back to bed, so he went in search of her. "What are you doing?" He asked, standing over her on the couch.

"Sleeping," she muttered. She rolled over so her back was to him.

"Are you angry with me again?"

"No Bobby I'm not angry. I'm tired."

"Kennedy." He sat on the floor in front of the couch, cross legged like a child. "Turn around and talk to me." He heard a loud sigh from her and she flipped over and looked at him. "I get it. Last night I got in and was short with you, you were upset that I haven't been taking care of myself, and now you're...you're upset because I'm doing work in bed. Yes?"

"No, Bobby." She closed her hand over his. "I am hurt that you don't take care of yourself, and I'm hurt that all you ever think about is work. I admire that, I do, but tonight...I'm tired."

"Should I go home, then?"

Her eyes closed tightly and then they opened and met his again. "No. Just be here tonight. No work, no arguing about your damned cane...just be here. With me." It was then that he noticed a slight tremble to her bottom lip. He raised forward slightly.

"What is it?"

"Please," her voice shook. "Please, I just need you to-" He drew his thumb across her cheek, then he stood and slid his hands under her and lifted her. He carried her to her bed and lay down with her snug in his arms.

"I'm here," he said gently. He didn't know why she was sobbing in his arms, but he held her, regardless, until she fell asleep.


	25. Push

**Push**

"_I get mad so easy, but you give me room to breathe.  
No matter what I say or do 'cause you're to good to fight about it.  
Even when I have to push just to see how far you'll go,  
you won't stoop down to battle, but you never turn to go. _

_You stay the course, you hold the line you keep it all together.  
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in.  
You're all the things that I desire, you save me, you complete me.  
You're the one true thing I know I can believe."_

_Sarah McLachlan  
_

Bobby and Kennedy silently went about their morning routines getting ready for work. She wouldn't say much to him, aside from "good morning." Pulling his tie tight, he headed for the front door. She was still at the counter, finishing her morning coffee. He stood beside her.

"I'll call you later?" He asked.

"Have a good day, Bobby." She barely looked up. He leaned over the counter to her eye level, to get her attention.

"What happened last night?"

"Nothing. I was..." she waved at him dismissively. "Stressed, y'know, anxious. It made me emotional. Must be PMS."

He pressed a quick kiss on her forehead. "Right. If you need to talk later-"

"Have a good day, Bobby," she repeated, then went back to her paper. He nodded and left. Kennedy watched the door shut, then closed her paper examining the date. She ran her hand over the month, the day. She closed her eyes and let her mother's face float across her mind. She let herself go there, if only for a moment..

_"Momma," she called through the house. "I'm back." She walked to the door of her parents bedroom and pushed her way in. "I did like you said, I went to the store for you. Momma. Momma. Mommy?" _

She pushed the memories far away and opened her eyes. She flattened out the paper. 'I love you, Momma,' she thought. Then she got up and cleaned her plate, it was time to leave for work. She had her moment, she couldn't bear to have any more that day.

Ed sat on his couch. He was completely dressed and pressed for work. His badge, his gun, and his cell phone were on the coffee table in front of him. He was ready to leave. He had been for the past two hours. But he hadn't left. He'd sat down, and stayed. After months of improvement, months of positive thoughts and optimism- despite gaining nothing- he was done. He gave up. There was nothing he could do. Nothing he could ever do. His cell phone rang, yet again, and he ignored it, yet again.

Kennedy picked up her phone and called Bobby. He didn't pick up his cell, so she left a message. "Hey, love, sorry about this morning...and last night. It's truly nothing. If you have time for lunch, call." She hung up. A couple hours later, she and Zack pulled aside to one of their favorite deli's for lunch. She still hadn't heard from Bobby, so she called his cell again. He didn't pick up so she didn't leave a message but tried his desk phone. No answer. She sighed. Usually by that point in the day she would hear something from him. If not a brief call, a quick text message. Not that she was dependent on hearing from him every day. They were just moments to brighten her day. But after the night before, not hearing from him in six hours didn't sit right with her. At the end of the day she was in the locker room putting in one last attempt to reach him. "Not sure where you are, Bobby. I'm going home for a hot bath and a can of tomato soup...don't work too hard...or too late."

Kennedy ate her soup and took her bath. She dressed and checked her phone and her answering machine. No word from him. She sighed. It just wasn't her day. She decided to head over to his apartment and see if he was home, or if Ed had heard from him. When she got there she knocked. She had a key, but she hated barging in when she didn't know if Bobby was home or not. After a few spells of knocking, the door opened. Ed looked out at her, squinting at the light. The apartment was dark, mostly, and Ed was still in his work clothes. However, his jacket and tie were gone, his shirt was unbuttoned and half tucked in/half not. His undershirt had a stain of some sort down the front. His pants were wrinkled, and he only had one sock on. He was also very drunk.

"Oh Ed," she sighed. She picked a Cheeto from his shirt.

"Bobby's not home," Ed said. He walked back to the living room where he'd obviously been camped for awhile. Kennedy followed him in and shut the door behind herself, turning the hall light on.

"You been home all day?" She started picking up empty beer bottles and food wrappers. He plopped down on the couch. "Go to work today?"

"No."

"Did you call in?"

"No."

She dropped the trash in the kitchen and went back to him. "Come on, your poor bastard," she said softly. She eased him off the couch and walked him to his room.

"Doesn't matter," he mumbled.

"What doesn't?"

"Nothing," he answered.

"Gotcha," she murmured under her breath. She got him into his room and eased him down onto the bed. He closed his eyes.

"I know, Ken. I know she loves me."

Kennedy sighed and sat by his side. "She does, Ed...but sometimes..."

"It's not enough," he finished. "She'll have sex with me...again and again...but she won't..." Kennedy refrained from letting her mouth drop open at that. It was a new development to her ears. And normally she might beg to hear more, but after her day, and his obvious bad day, she wouldn't press it.

"Go to sleep," she said instead. She stood to leave.

"You gotta tell her."

"Tell her what?"

"Tell her she's it. She's all I want." Kennedy paused at his door. She watched him drift to sleep in his drunken cloud. It broke her heart. She sighed and shut the door, then went to Bobby's room to call him again. She called his cell, no answer. Called his work line, no answer. She decided to call Olivia. It had been a long time since they had spoken.

"Hello?"

"Hey," Kennedy said.

"Hey, Kennedy. I was meaning to call you today. How are you?"

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yea," Kennedy sighed. "It's...it's a rough day. Never gets easier, y'know?"

"I do. The anniversary of a mothers death isn't supposed to be easy."

"I know," Kennedy agreed quietly.

"So what's up?" Olivia sensed the need for a change of subject.

"You tell me."

"Uh...work?"

"I'm worried about you," Kennedy confessed.

"I've told you not to. I'm great these days. I really am."

"Does that come from sleeping with Ed or just knowing that you're making him miserable?" There was a prolonged silence on the line.

"What did he tell you?"

"Nothing that he'll remember in the morning. I dropped by tonight and he's drunk off his ass. I just put him to bed and he was mumbling and...I heard."

"Drunk."

"Yes, drunk. What's going on?"

Olivia sighed. "Nothing. I...a moment of weakness. Or...many moments of weakness."

"God...look, sweetie, you know I love you, but...stop this. Just stop. Stop sleeping with him, stop talking to him, just...cut all ties. Neither of you can take this. You have to make a decision; you either cut him out of your life completely, or make up with him. No middle road, no 'special friends'. You can't hate him and screw him at the same time. You're fucking him up, you're fucking yourself up. This is all...it's just gotta end, Liv."

"You know, Kennedy, what's gotta end is you giving me advice on this. You're really not a part of it. Not all of us can have what you and Bobby have, stop trying to-" she cut off in the middle of it and changed course. "You suddenly being in a working relationship, doesn't make you an expert."

"Come again?"

"Just what I said. What makes you think you know how to make things work?"

"Don't do this, Liv. Don't take things out on me," Kennedy warned.

"I'm only making a point. Bobby's not the usual guy you go for. Not a jackass, not completely mental, not degrading or mean, oh and not your boss. I'm just saying, maybe you're not the best judge of what _I'm_ doing wrong."

Kennedy took a deep breath. "Hell, you're in a ripe mood tonight aren't you? Yea, I've had my share of bad relationships. So what? I'm in a good one now. And I'm not trying to sound like an expert, I'm trying to be your friend. You know, at least I try. It's a normal thing to date different guys, to look for the right one. And maybe I've looked thoroughly and had some real bad choices, but I tried. As opposed to you, you just hide in your job. There is more to life than work."

"I tried too and look what happened."

"Fine. Be bitter about it. Leave me the hell alone. I'm happy and I won't let you make me feel bad about that. You can't harass an aspect of me that you once admired. I'm sorry that you're going through all of this, and I'm sorry he hurt you. _You're_ screwing up now. A few months ago he was the one who refused to be there emotionally, and now the tables are turned and you're doing it to him. For once in your life, figure out what you need and just...fix it!" Silence was the only reply. Then a dial tone.

Kennedy shook her head. She hated being hung up on. She knew right away that certain things shouldn't have been said, but she was just too tired. It had been a frustratingly tiring day, and after having Bobby ignore her calls all day, getting into a fight with Olivia wasn't making things better. She let out a whine. She just wanted everyone to be happy. It's all she ever wanted. She wanted to curl up and cry her day away, and she wanted Bobby to be home and there for her. She glanced at the clock. It was nearly 11. She hadn't heard anything from Ed's room and felt safe that he was still asleep. She pulled on her shoes and left a trash can by Ed's bed, then went out the door. If Bobby wouldn't pick up her calls, she'd just stop by his work.

She walked into the quiet squad room. She went to his empty desk, looked around, but didn't didn't see anyone. Bobby's briefcase was open by his chair and his desk was a mess. There was no way he wasn't around, he wouldn't leave his desk like that. She sat in his chair, then spotted him emerge from the bathroom and walk over.

"Kennedy," he greeted her. He walked across the empty room, hands in pockets. His tie was missing and the buttons on his shirt were undone all the way down, showing off a faded green-shirt His jacket had long since been abandoned. There were dark circles under his eyes and a messy wave on the side of his head, where he'd repeatedly run his fingers through his hair. His cane was not in his hand. Kennedy noticed this all in one glance. He stopped before her. "What are you doing here?"

"What am I doing here? Uh, well Bobby, I haven't heard from you all day and it's almost midnight. I was worried," she bit at him.

"I'm right here."

"So I see," she rolled her eyes and stood. She was better off just leaving.

"I'm sorry I didn't answer your calls, but-"

"But you thought it'd be easier to hide here from me," she nodded.

"What do you want from me? You all but ignored me this morning, I have no idea what happened to you last night...what is it you want?" She stood tall, arms at her sides, and stared at him. "That wasn't the first time, Ken. I just don't understand. You were fine at dinner, then later you were just someone else completely."

"It's not something I can explain," she said shakily.

"Try," he challenged, leaning against his desk. She felt like she was at the end of a very thin rope by that point, and she was ready for a fight.

"That would mean you would have to listen to me." She moved to the other side of his desk and picked up his cane and held it in the air. "Like you listen to me about this?"

"Can we stay on one topic at a time?"

"This_ is_ one topic, Bobby!" She shouted at him, flailing the cane. "This is all the same! What is it going to take for you to be a _man_ and do what you're supposed to?!" She stepped back around to stand by him while yelling, and gave him a thump in the arm with his cane. His hand whipped out and grabbed the other end of it tightly.

"Do not hit me," he said in a forced calm tone. He pulled on the cane and she pulled back. "Kennedy, do me a favor and either act your age or leave." Kennedy went red with anger. She pushed the cane against him, and it went across his chest tight.

"Fuck you," she said, close to tears. She was inches from him. "I will not do it again, Bobby. I won't. I will_ leave you_ before I watch it happen again."

He ignored her language. "Watch what?"

She pushed off from him and went backwards, throwing her arms out. "I won't watch you give up! I won't watch someone else I love give up and die!"

Bobby watched her closely, and he shook his head slowly. "I'm not going to die."

"And you won't let yourself heal either!"

"This about your mom? Look, honey, your mom...she was sick, okay? Me, I'm just-"

"No! I was there! She gave up! She could have fought, she could have kept fighting, but she just gave up and left me! You know _nothing_ about her!"

"Because you won't tell me!"

"You want to know about her?! She _died_ 17 years ago today!" He didn't say anything for a moment.

"I didn't know," he said. "I'm sorry, Kennie, I didn't know." He sighed. "But...she was sick. She loved you-"

She stepped forward, finger in his face. "If she loved me she wouldn't have given up! If you loved me..." she exhaled and her voice went softer. "If you loved me, you wouldn't be doing this to yourself."

A look of hurt crossed Bobby's face, his eyes melted, and his lips failed to form words. He shook his head and turned to gather his stuff. "I can't believe you'd say that," he said, as he threw files into his briefcase. She bent over and picked his cane off the floor and placed it on his desk.

"Yea, I hear that a lot." she replied. She turned and started to walk off to the elevator, but he stormed after her and grabbed her arm and spun her around.

He stared down at her in a glare. "I told you how I felt a long time ago, and it has _never_ been a lie. That's not how I am. Straight forward, that's how we've always played it." She yanked her arm away, glaring back. She had no reply, so he put a hand to her cheek and kissed her lightly. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here." She pulled from him and shook her head. "Kennedy." He lowered his face to look her in the eye. "Instead of hating me, can't you just talk to me?"

"I told you what I think, it's your choice to listen or not." She walked away again, and this time he let her go.

Ed rolled over in his bed and opened his eyes. He still felt drunk as he gazed at the red numbering on his clock. It was after one AM and he didn't remember going to bed. He closed his eyes for a sigh, then opened them again. He reached for his phone wanting to talk to one person.

"Yea?" Olivia answered her phone, clearly having been asleep.

"How many times you gonna make me beg?"

She sighed. "I heard you were drunk tonight."

"Maybe I'm drunk, but I'm still me," he mumbled.

"I think you need to hang up and sober up."

"No. I don't need to be sober to know that you're crazy."

"Ed, please. Don't be like this."

"You don't be like this. You're selfish, you know that?"

"Excuse me?"

"I think you like this. You like playing this game."

"I'm not playing a game...I'm not enjoying this."

"Coulda fooled me." He pulled his blankets up and lay back. "Just come over. Come over so we can talk."

"There's nothing for us to talk about. Especially not when you're like this."

"Like what?"

"Drunk! I'm not going to be around you when you're drunk and being mean. You know how I feel about that. Goodnight, Ed. Go to sleep and...just...don't call me." She hung up on him. He groaned and rolled over.

"Selfish, selfish..." he grumbled as he went back to sleep.

Kennedy made it home, but only as far as her front steps. That's where Bobby found her when he finally left the station and went to her apartment. She was leaned back against the wall, with her feet outstretched on the step. He stepped onto the step below the one she was on, and sat identically beside her. They both stared straight ahead and neither spoke, waiting for the other to say something. Finally, he broke the silence.

"When I was in the hospital, I had a lot of time to think," he said quietly. "I considered all of my fears; that I would never walk again, that I would loose my job, and that if no one loved me before the accident, there was no way I'd find someone to love me in a wheel chair. I thought it was over for me, and all because of my job. Because one person hated me enough to have me shot. Not kill me, but just...hurt me. And she did hurt me. Physically, mentally and emotionally. Day after day I lay in that bed thinking...it was over. And then it wasn't. Then...I was okay. And all I wanted to do was put it all behind me and move on with my life. I hate that I harp on the past...it's the worst part of me. And...damn if this...this," he held the cane before him, "_piece of wood_ isn't a constant reminder of what I didn't have before the accident, what I almost lost and...and how now, everything is different for me. Now, I have you. You have changed everything, and I don't want to remember how miserable and...absolutely nothing I once was." He set a hand on her leg. "And I know that it's stupid, and I know that I need to get over it and let my back heal properly...but it's hard. I'm just ready for that part of my life to be over."

She placed her hand over his. "I'm glad you want to be this new you, but...don't risk it. Not for me. I don't..." she dropped her forehead on top of their hands. He put his head to hers, and wrapped his other hand around her neck, embracing her. He felt her shaking again. He was so used to the brazen outgoing Kennedy, that when she broke down like that, he almost felt as if he didn't know her whatsoever.

"I do love you Kennedy. I'm going to get better, the right way, because of you. Because you are worth it, okay?" He soothed. He sat up and gently pulled her face from her lap and made her look at him. He brushed her hair out of her tear stained face and smoothed it back. He held the sides of her head and looked at her softly. "We're good. You and me, we're good. The past is over. I'm sorry I wasn't here for you today. I should have been." He ran his thumbs over her cheeks. She nodded and pushed her forehead against his. "Let's go inside, okay?" He asked. He stood and helped her up.

They went up to her apartment and he used his key to let them in. He locked the door behind them and took her to her room. When she was changed and in bed, he sat down with her. He remained quiet, giving her time. Finally, she was ready to speak.

"I'm sorry. I..." She sat up and leaned back against the headboard. "Mom fought for her life for years...it was on and off...and then one day...Dad didn't come home from work. He worked two jobs, and was always at work. I was at home doing a lot of housework, taking care of Mom. Missing a lot of school. Dad just...went to work one day and never came back. His jobs said he didn't show up there." She shivered, though she wasn't cold. He put an arm around her waist and held onto her. "I got to go tell my sick pain-filled mother that my dad...her husband...left us. That he was gone. She cried for a week. I didn't. Just took care of her. And then one day, she stopped crying. I thought..." Kennedy made an unhappy groaning noise, as though it hurt to finish what she was saying. "You hear about people that give up and let their bodies win, but...she called me into her room...she was so pale and sad...she had me sit at her side and she told me she loved me. She told me I was her angel...and she asked me to run to the store for cookies. She wanted cookies and I wanted to please her, so I went. And when I got home..." her voice wavered again "when I got home, she was dead. They said it was probably an accident...that she was just in so much pain that she took one too many pain meds, but I wasn't an idiot. He left and she gave up. Sent me to the store and...gave up. We knew she wasn't getting better, and he didn't care. He left me then she left me. I just...don't want you to give up. I'm sorry, I try...I really try to not let that piece of me...but..."

"I don't expect you to hide the damage. I know I can't hide mine. We just...we deal with it." He pulled her down, so that she was laying against him. "I'm sorry they left you," he whispered into her hair. "I'm so sorry."


	26. You Really Got A Hold On Me

**You Really Got A Hold On Me**

"_I don't want you, but I need you.  
Don't want to kiss you, but I need you.  
Oh, oh, oh,  
you do me wrong now.  
My love is strong now.  
You've really got a hold on me.  
You've really got a hold on me, baby."  
_

_Smokey Robinson and The Miracles_

Ed dragged himself to work the next day and didn't even bother going to his desk first. He went right for Van Buren's office. She looked up at him as he shut the door, gave him a look and a disbelieving smile. "Tell me why I shouldn't suspend you right here."

"You probably should." He sat across from her. "But just so you know, that was it. That was the last time I-"

"Right, right. The last time." She sat back in her chair. "And I should believe you? Green, not only did you not show, but you didn't even call. You didn't call me and at the very least, out of respect, you should have called your partner!"

"I know, I know. Look, suspend me. Go ahead. I deserve it."

"Yea, you do. Go see your partner, apologize to her, then take the week off. When you come back, you'll be on your very last string. Not just with me, but with this city as well, you hear?"

He nodded, then stood and left her office. He walked over to Nina, who was just arriving. "Hey."

She turned around and rolled her eyes at him. "Green," she said coolly.

"I'm sorry, Nina."

She turned back to him and glanced him over. "Kinda thought you were dead. Then I got in touch with your buddy Goren over at MCS and he said you were alive as far as he knew."

"I'm sorry," he repeated. "I'd rather not say what happened, but I will if you ask."

"Forget it. What'd the Lieu say?"

"Week suspension."

"Well, have fun. Thanks to you, that puts me with Connery all week. You're buying me a big drink this weekend, you realize that?"

"I do." He cleaned up his desk some, and took a stack of papers home that needed to be organized. When he got home, he cleaned the apartment from top to bottom. In the process, he found all the small things that Olivia had left behind and threw them into a box. Then in another box he packed up all the reminders, and put that box in his closet. He wasn't ready to lose his job. Before they started sleeping together again, he was really improving. And at one point he was even starting to get over it all. It was time to pick up where he left off.

He was cleaning the refrigerator when he heard his cell phone faintly ringing. He ignored it and kept cleaning. After a few minutes, the house line rang. He let the machine pick up. BEEP. "Hey, uh, Ed." It was Liv. "I tried you at work and Nina said you were on suspension? I'm...sorry. I know I haven't helped matters...anyway, I was just checking on you-" He wiped his hands and grabbed the phone.

"How am I supposed to let you go if you keep contacting me?" He asked into the phone.

"I know. I'm sorry. I...I want to talk. Tonight. Somewhere public and neutral, forgetting everything that's been going on this past month. I think we owe it to what...to have one civil conversation that isn't going to lead to the bedroom or a fight"

"I guess you're right," he said. "How about you give me a call when you leave work and we'll meet?"

"Okay. Thank you, Ed."

"Yea," he sighed, loosing his desire to clean anymore.

He sat in the booth of the diner and looked over the menu. He didn't really want to eat anything. The waitress reappeared. Bobby's favorite, Julia. He'd already sent her away twice, having been waiting for thirty minutes. "I'll take more coffee," he told her.

"Sure you don't want to go ahead and order?" She asked, a wise smile on her lips. He gave her a narrowed look.

"I'm not being stood up, she'll be here." Just as he said that, Olivia came rushing over.

"Sorry, sorry," she said sitting across from him. "The Cap caught me on the way out the door." She glanced at Julia. "Coffee, please." The waitress nodded and walked off, penciling it in. Olivia looked at Ed. "How are you?"

"Well, I'm single, on suspension, and already cleaned the entire apartment; so the rest of my week will be very boring...but great otherwise," he added sarcastically.

She studied him and didn't say anything. She waited until her coffee was brought over, and took a sip of it then set it down. "I'm good, thanks for asking." He shrugged and she looked away for a few minutes, then looked back. "I know that we screwed up trying to be friends...but...can't we just be civil? You hurt me, I hurt you, neither of us are in the clear. No point in hating each other for it." He nodded, but didn't reply. "How's it going with Skoda?"

"Fine," he answered, and left it at that.

"How's Bobby?"

"Haven't seen him much lately," he said. They sat quietly for a long time. "What is it you wanted to talk about? You waiting for me to ask you back again? To start another fight? What?"

"I just wanted to see you," she replied. "I wanted you to listen to me for once," she held up a hand as he tried to protest. "What I mean is, I want to talk without us being distracted physically."

He smiled finally. "You know when it comes to us, we'll always be distracted physically."

She smiled at that. "That's not the point. You're...you are..."

"Wonderful? Incredible? Flawed but lovable?" He asked charmingly.

"No," she said in a small voice. She glanced at him. "You're you. You will always be you, no matter what words you use. No matter how long you get therapy, you'll always be you. You will always have the ability to shatter me. No one has ever had that power, Ed. I made sure of it a long time ago, and I don't trust you with it. That is why you and I...because I have to protect myself at all costs, no matter how much I lo-...care for you. If I don't...I'll loose. I can't loose anymore."

Ed took her words in slowly. He stared at her, then took her hand over the table. "I know I deserve that. And you're right. You deserve to be happy, and that's what I want for you. More than my own happiness. You deserve happy ever after, and I can't promise you that. I won't. All I could do was try. I won't..." he nodded. "I accept that this is over. But...no one will make me feel the way you make me feel and no one...no one will love you better." Silence resumed again. He pulled back and let go of her hand. "But if we can't make it work, we can't make it work. I'm going to miss you."

"Me too," she said softly, her voice choking up a bit. "And you're right...about us being special. I'm sorry it didn't work out. I just hope you find what you need." She looked down at her barely drunken coffee. "I'll see you around, okay?" She started to stand, but leaned over the table and kissed his cheek.

"Bye Liv," he said gently. He watched her walk away and out the door, and though it hurt, he was okay.

When Olivia got home she changed for bed. She wasn't sure how she felt, but before she could evaluate it too much, there was a knock at the door. She went and opened it to find Kennedy on the other side. Neither smiled, but Kennedy held up a container.

"I made peanut butter cookies," she said.

"I hate peanut butter cookies," Olivia replied. Kennedy smiled and held out a package of Oreo's.

"Consider it a peace offering."

"I've got a fresh jug of milk," Olivia let Kennedy in and they went to the kitchen. Olivia poured two glasses of milk and Kennedy opened the cookies. Peanut butter cookies for Kennedy, Oreo's for Olivia. Not an infrequent scene. They sat at the small table with their snacks and waited. "Sorry," Olivia said first.

"Me too." They didn't have to explain themselves. "Bobby and I are far from perfect, y'know."

"I know."

"We had this major blowout last night." Before getting any pity for it, she shook her head. "It was coming. I was angry with him, but kept it quiet. He was angry. We talked things out afterwards and we're fine now. It's just...I...I don't know how you do it. There are times that I want to...strangle him. I am so irritated and...his stubbornness and detachment...apparently the same things that upset him about me."

"I believe it," Olivia joked.

"Yea, yea...but...even so, even after brief thoughts of giving up with him. I can't. To think about the possibility of going through one single day of...of him not being mine." She glanced up. "It hurts. A kind of pain that I haven't felt since...well, since my parents. And I don't know how you do it."

"It does hurt," Olivia nodded. "That's why I have to work."

"I know it's how you deal, but it's not healthy."

"It doesn't work, either. That's why lately...being with him...I know it only made a bigger mess, but it helped. If even for a brief moment, it helped."

"Don't you think that means something then?" Kennedy softly prompted.

"Yea, I need to figure out another way." They fell silent, then Olivia went back to the earlier subject. "But we talked, a real conversation, and we're done with it all. It's completely over." She focused on twisting cookies apart, but not eating them. Kennedy watched her closely.

"I'm sorry," she said.

Olivia nodded, picked up a cookie half, and ate it. "I do admire you two," she changed the subject. "You're good for each other."

"At least he is for me. We've got things to get through, but we will. He's..." she shrugged, unable to find the words.

"Crazy about you," Olivia finished with a small smile.

"You think?"

"Yea, just a bit." They both laughed, the argument completely forgotten.

Somehow Ed made it through his week. It involved a lot of television and trips to the movie theater, and much sleeping in. When Friday rolled around, at last, he was feeling refreshed and good. He had his morning visit with Skoda, then went home to clean up some more. Bobby had barely been home all week, and he and Kennedy were going to be in for dinner. The three had planned it and they were going to eat then go out to a movie. Ed was excited for once. He was in the middle of emptying the dishwasher when a knock came at the door. That puzzled him. Both Bobby and Kennedy had a key, but Kennedy still knocked for whatever reason, so he went to open the door. When he did, it was Olivia, not Kennedy. She stared at the floor, not at him, and didn't say anything.

"Liv," he said. She finally looked up.

"Can I come in?"

"Of course," he stepped back and she walked in. He shut the door behind her. They stood awkwardly in the foyer. "Do you want to go sit?"

"Yea," she nodded. They walked into the living room and sat on the couch. He just waited. Then, "My partner said something to me yesterday and...and Kennedy..." She was leaning forward with her arms on her knees, fiddling with the bracelet around her wrist. "It's..." she dropped her head and ran her hands through her hair, then propped her chin on her hand. "I don't..." She turned her face to him. "It was stupid...it always takes a bad case to get him and me fighting, before one of us says what we really think about the other...and...he said something...and I don't want it to be true."

"What'd he say?"

"He said that..." she looked down again. "That I will fight for everyone but myself. That I have given up on my own happiness. I didn't want to...in my head I laughed it off. Cause this whole time I've been telling myself I'm looking for my own happiness, looking out for myself. And last week, Kennedy said something similar...and she said some other things. I was pushing it all away...but...I woke up this morning, and all I could think about..." she met his eyes, "It's like you said...no one will love me better. I don't...I don't want to be scared and unhappy and alone."

He kept composure. "Tell me what you're saying."

"Could we really make it work?" She asked.

He breathed slowly, choosing his words, then nodded. "You and me...we'll never be done," he answered.

"And if..." She didn't know exactly what to ask.

"I'd really try this time. I swear."

"How can you promise that?"

"Cause...I love you. I am...mad and crazy in love with you. I just want to make you happy." She glanced down at the floor again, taking what he said. "Wait," he shook his head. "No, I take that back. I want _me_ to be happy. I want to be happy and good, and the only way that will happen...the _only way_, is for you to be mine again. I need to be with you to be happy." He stopped. After some time, she brought her face up and put her hand on his cheek, and looked into his eyes. She ran her thumb over his face.

"I never stopped being yours," she said in a resigned sigh. "And I never will."

"So we try?" He felt a smile coming onto his lips.

"We try," she agreed, smiling. He grinned and pulled her over onto his lap, holding her face. He stared at her then he ran his fingers through her hair and pulled her in for a very soft kiss. "Mad, crazy, love, huh?" She asked, keeping her eyes locked with his.

He nodded. "Mad, crazy, love."

* * *

_AN: Had to hurry up and edit/post it, we all need it :) Happy Friday.  
_


	27. Open Arms

**Open Arms**

"_Now that you've come back,  
turned night into day,  
I need you to stay.  
So now I come to you, with open arms.  
Nothing to hide.  
Believe what I say.  
So here I am, with open arms.  
Hoping you'll see,  
what your love means to me.  
Open arms."_

_Journey_

Kennedy got into the elevator at the guys' apartment and before the doors slid shut Bobby jumped in. Kennedy laughed at him. "Hey handsome," she greeted. He smiled and wrapped an arm around her and kissed the top of her head.

"Hi to you. Good timing."

"Sure is," she smiled.

"How was your day?"

"Good...TGIF. This weeks been..." she shuddered. "You were there."

"Yes. The week's over, though, and we're good. Still."

"Yes." The doors opened and they walked out into the hall. "I've been looking forward to tonight all day. Time to relax with my man and Mr. Hothead in there." They got to the front door and Bobby pushed the door open and motioned her in, then he followed her.

"Ed," he called out as they walked inside. "Look who I-" Bobby and Kennedy stopped in their tracks when they stepped into the living room. Ed and Olivia had been on the couch, her in his lap, but had both leaped to their feet at their friends' entrance. They looked very guilty.

"What's going on?" Kennedy asked, looking back and forth at the two. She stared at Olivia with a mild glare. "Are you two screwing around _still_? Damnit, I wish you would grow up! If you can't-"

Bobby smiled and grabbed Kennedy's arm to shut her up. "Honey," he said quietly.

"No!" She shook him off. "I am sick of you two! For months, the rest of us can't live our normal lives and go out and have fun without worrying about your moods and keeping you apart! Yet we turn our backs around and you two can't keep your hands off of each other!"

"Kennedy," Bobby said louder.

"It is beyond obvious to everyone around you that you two still love each other. It's time for you both to _get over it _and make up or break up! I'm sick! Sick and tired of the drama! My life doesn't need _your_ drama! I have enough of my own!"

Ed and Olivia were stifling laughs and Bobby was leaning over his cane, composed and knowing. Ed cleared his throat and nodded. "You know what, Liv...I think...I think it's time we started listening to Kennedy."

"You do?" Olivia asked.

"Yes. I think it's time to put the past behind us."

"She makes valid points," Olivia nodded.

"And, I mean, if Kennedy can't figure us out, who will? I say there's nothing left for us to do, but make up," he shrugged and turned to Olivia.

"You know, Ed. You're right." And she grabbed him by the forearm and pulled him over to her and kissed him. They both overplayed the kiss, taking their time to enjoy it. Kennedy watched in confusion and suspicion. Bobby was smiling to himself. Ed and Olivia finally let go of each other and shared a smile, before turning back to Ken.

"Kennie, thank you," Ed stepped forward, took Kennedy's hand in both of his, and shook it. "Thank you for restoring our relationship."

Kennedy sputtered a bit then took her hand back. "Why do I feel like you're being an ass?"

Bobby leaned over to her ear and said quietly, "I do believe they were making up just fine without us here." Kennedy looked at Bobby, then at Liv and Ed.

"Wait...so you two weren't...you were actually...wait..." Her mouth dropped open and her eyes widened. "Wait. Did you two really make up?" Ed and Olivia glanced at each other, and nodded. Kennedy grinned and lunged herself at them, grabbing them both in her arms.

"Ow," Ed said.

"Calm down there Kennedy," Olivia said.

Bobby still watched in amusement. "So how about we postpone dinner," he said. He peeled his girlfriend off of his friends. "We'll just head out...be gone for the night..."

"No! No, wait!" Kennedy tried to stay, but Bobby was stronger and they were gone within minutes. In the newly quiet apartment, Ed and Olivia looked at each other.

"I feel like divorced parents telling their kid they're getting back together," she said, shaking her head. Ed smiled and sat on the couch, pulling her down with him.

"Let's forget about the interruption," he replied.

Kennedy stood in the elevator with her arms crossed and chin jutted. "Give them some time alone," Bobby said. "We'll see them tomorrow."

"It's just...we've all been a part of this drama for so long. I just wanted to-"

"Please, just forget about them tonight. Let's just go to your place and..." His hand crept onto her hip and he dropped his lips down to her ear. "just worry about ourselves." She placed her hand over his and smiled.

"Yea, I think I could do that." They left the building and got in his car to leave. As he drove, he glanced at her.

"You sure you're okay today?"

"I'm fine. You don't have to ask that a hundred times a day."

"Sorry. I would just rather you tell me then..."

"Then have another meltdown?" She asked with a smile. "I'm trying to work on that, you know I am. And the truth is, today was better than the rest of this week. I've...lost that feeling that you're going to die just to spite me." She laughed it off, even though it was an important issue.

"Okay."

Olivia's stomach growled. Ed smiled. They'd been sitting on the couch talking, not talking, and just being together, and they'd lost track of time completely. "Food?" He asked. He glanced at his watch, it had been at least two hours since Bobby and Kennedy had left. Olivia stretched, nodding. Ed grinned and grabbed her in his arms again. "Food's unimportant." His lips found her neck.

"No, food is very important. What've you got in the kitchen?" She peeled out of his grip and stood up, then headed for the kitchen. He followed her.

"Not sure. I was supposed to have dinner with Bobby and Kennie, Bobby was going to cook."

"What was he gonna cook?" She pulled open the fridge and spotted salmon.

"Something with salmon," he answered the obvious.

"I see. Well we'd better leave that alone then. Geez, Ed. When was the last time you went grocery shopping?"

"In case you forgot, we don't keep our kitchen stocked."

"Right," she nodded and pushed the door shut, then opened the freezer. "Ice cream," she grinned. She pulled it out and glanced at it. "Chocolate chip cookie dough? Please tell me this hasn't been in here since we split."

"No," he said. "You got me addicted to it. I've gained five pounds thanks to Ben and Jerry."

She laughed, went over to him, and put her arms around his waist. "You don't look like you've gained any." She gave him a squeezing hug. "If anything there's just a little more squish to hold onto."

"Hey," he complained. He tipped her head back for a kiss, and while doing so he stole the ice cream from her. He pulled away and popped it open. "We could order in." Olivia got two spoons from the drawer and handed him one.

"Only if I get to choose," she dug her spoon into the ice cream and took a bite. "I want Chinese. And none of that steamed rice and garlic broccoli that you like. I wanna clog my arteries. Sesame Chicken, Lo-mein, Hot and Sour soup, Fried Rice, and those fried wantons." She stopped when she caught Ed giving her an odd look. "What?"

"Do you know what all that does to you?"

She nodded. "Yes. It fills me up and makes me happy." She grabbed the phone and pressed it into his hand, then took the ice cream. Then she grinned. He rolled his eyes with a smile and started dialing.

"You know, if you think you're gonna get away with treating me this way-"

"Then what?" She challenged playfully.

He held the phone to his ear and narrowed his eyes to her. He was about to find a snappy comeback, but the line was picked up. "Yes, I'd like to place an order for delivery."

Olivia nodded, "Thought so," she said. Then she took the ice cream to the living room, plopped on the couch, and turned on the television.

Hours had passed again. They had moved themselves to Ed's room to sit up in his bed. So far they'd been talking about cases and co-workers and all the other topics that they had missed out on discussing. Then Olivia turned the topic to their relationship.

"We gotta figure out how we're gonna do this," she said.

"We go with it," he answered.

"Yea, we tried that already," she replied wryly. "I'm thinking we should look at it all logically and map it out. Er, not map it out but..." she waved a hand. "Ground rules, maybe."

"Okay, rule one: you right here every night," he said with a grin. She gave him a stern look and he nodded. "Fine, then, you start."

"Rule one: We talk about things. Even if one of us doesn't want to, we have to talk. Openly, honestly, no shutting each other out."

"Got it," he nodded. "Point taken."

"And I know there will be times that either one of us won't want to...but we'll have to learn."

"Rule two: Take it steady. We both are here with baggage and...we both have to be careful. I think if we are considerate of each other at the bad times..." he shrugged.

"I agree. But that goes right back to talking things out."

"Okay," he rolled his eyes playfully.

"Three...as much as I hate this about myself, Ed, I can't rely on knowing how you feel. For me to feel okay about us, I need you telling me in words and actions that we're okay. Often. Otherwise...I get scared."

"We're okay," he said, then kissed her. "How's that?"

"Good."

"Can we put off the other rules til tomorrow?" His hand slid down her arm and to her waist.

"Long as you promise me something."

"What's that?" He asked quietly.

She took his cheek in her hand and leaned in. "Love me."

"Mad crazy love," he responded, before kissing her again.

"Do you have to work tonight?" Kennedy asked, already knowing the answer. Bobby glanced up from the newspaper and looked at her.

"I'm sorry, Ken. Logan and Wheeler worked last Saturday, you know Eames and I have to go in for a while.

Kennedy pouted. "You'd think MCS can't run without you and Alex or Mike and Wheeler around. Newsflash, you four aren't the only cops there."

"Will you feel better if I bring muffins home with me?"

"Better have blueberries," she said. He tossed the paper aside and leaned over to her in the bed with a smile.

"Oh, there will be blueberries. Lot's and lot's," he slid a hand under the covers and gave her side a squeeze, "of blueberries. And maybe some raspberries, too." He dropped to her neck and blew a raspberry against her skin. She shrieked and laughed, trying to wrangle away. He didn't let her go anywhere.

"Are you sure it's too early to go see Ed and Liv?"

"Okay, no more talking about our friends," he stared at her with amusement sparkling in his eyes.

"Got something better to talk about?" She sparkled back.

"Yes," he nodded seriously. He ran his hand about her stomach and brushed his mouth over her chin and lips. "Eggs...bagels...maybe smoked lox," he pulled up and grinned down at her.

"You..._man_," she laughed, giving him a shove away from her. She climbed out of the bed. "Fine, we'll go out."

He got out of bed as well and found some jeans to slip into. As he pulled his favorite green t-shirt over his head he said, "Let's go somewhere where we can sit outside and eat."

"Okay, but if you're taking the paper then I'm taking my book."

"Deal," he headed for the bathroom to brush his teeth. "And after we eat we can mill around the bookstore, then maybe call Ed around lunchtime."

She grinned. "You gonna let me buy books today?"

He smiled at her, toothbrush between his lips. "You have no more shelves for books," he mumbled through his toothpaste, spitting white goo down his chin.

"That's where you're wrong, love," she pushed into the bathroom and pasted her own toothbrush. "I have all that space above the cabinets in the kitchen," she popped her toothbrush into her mouth.

Kennedy was done eating, but she hadn't been very hungry to start with. Her orange juice was enough for her. She was enjoying the perfect Spring morning, sitting outside the cafe with Bobby. They sat at a small, black, cast iron table and matching chairs. A metal fence wrapped around them and the tables surrounding them, separating them from the crowds on the sidewalk. Kennedy kept her eyes on Bobby. She loved looking at him. She did adore him in his work suits, but seeing him casual seemed to always take her breath away. The old worn blue jeans, that fit just right, his green t-shirt that had a hole under the collar near his left shoulder. He didn't seem to know about the hole, it was small, where the seaming was coming loose. His salt and pepper curls were glittering under the sun, and roaming a bit wild as he had not bothered to comb them neatly into place. She knew he'd wait until he had to go to work before he used his secret hair mouse that kept his hair in rule. Until he got fed up with it and got it trimmed short, that is. But she was against the short look, so he wouldn't anytime soon. Her eyes slid across his cheekbones and jaw and lips as he chewed a bite of bagel. His face was cast down on his newspaper, of which he read slowly and fully. He wore his dark sunglasses over his eyes. He was leaned back comfortably in his chair, with his long legs stretched out beside the table.

There was no doubt about it, she found him stunning and she was completely in love with him.

"Read your book," he said at last.

"Why?"

He looked up at her, and though she couldn't see his eyes through the mirrored lenses, she knew he was holding her gaze tight. A brief smile hinted on his lips. "Because watching me read the paper isn't fun."

"Is for me," she replied. He shook his head and went back to his reading. She waited for him to flip the page, before she said, "I'm happy."

"Hmm?"

"I'm happy," she repeated. Again, he looked up and she felt his eyes on her. "I really am sorry about earlier this week."

"Well," he shook the paper out, folded it closed, and set it on the table. "If it takes a fight like that to make us talk about things, then..." he went quiet. "If you're angry, or sad, or scared; I'd rather have you take it out on me like that. Then I'll know. Then I'll be able to help you. Or...try to."

"But I shouldn't take it out on you. Even if you deserve it, I should be a grown up and talk it out."

"Yes. As should I. But we don't always do the right thing. What's important is that I don't care if you don't do the right thing. We'll get over it."

She stared at him for a long time, then brought her foot up onto his lap. He wrapped his fingers around her ankle. "Thank you," she said. He gave one brief nod then kept staring at her. And she stared at him.

"Good morning," Olivia said.

"Good morning," Ed replied. "You're still here."

"I'm still here," she confirmed.

"Good," he pulled her close and shut his eyes. He intended to go back to sleep, but after laying there quietly for several minutes, he opened his eyes. She was staring at the ceiling lost in thought. "You okay?" He asked.

"Yea," she replied. She turned to face him and gave him a small smile.

"Not having second thoughts on this, are you?"

"No. I...I'm just thinking that it's probably not wise for me to give in to what I want."

"Who cares?"

"I usually do the smart thing."

"Screw the smart thing."

"What if we're just excited by the idea of making it work? What if we can't really make it work?"

He gave a hard exhale and propped himself up on his arm to look down on her. "Then we'll know that we tried. Stop over thinking this. Remember what we said last night?"

"About what?" She looked up at him.

"Everything."

"Yea, I remember last night, but-"

"But nothing. You keep doubting it and there's no chance," he said.

"I know," she replied. She smiled and touched his face. "Let's start this morning over again."

"Good morning," he grinned.

"Good morning," she said back. "Are you going to cook breakfast for me?"

"Should I?"

"Yes."

"Okay."


	28. Forever

**Forever**

"_So give me your forever,  
please, your forever.  
Not a day less will do__from you."_

_Ben Harper_

Elliott glanced at Olivia as they drove down the street Monday morning. "What's with you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Something's wrong with you," he glanced between her and the road. "You've been...smiling all day."

"I can't smile?" She asked.

"Not lately."

"Things change," she commented. He stared at her while they were at a red light, then began driving again.

"You seeing someone?"

"Why do I have to be seeing someone to be happy?"

"I don't know. You've just been a wreck since you and Green broke up, and suddenly-wait. You two get back together?" She couldn't hold back the smile that slowly spread from ear to ear. "About time," he said. She looked over at him and he was smiling. "Good." He pulled into a parking space beside an EMT bus and they dismissed the conversation and launched into cop mode.

Over the next few days, Ed only saw Olivia one night. The current case she was on was keeping her beyond busy. He didn't mind, though, because everything felt right. Finally.

On Thursday, Olivia and Elliott were bringing in their main suspect with plenty of evidence. She had a moment to think that she'd actually see Ed that night. The thought was quickly ushered away as she followed Elliott into the interrogation room. They both quietly sat at the table across from their guy and stared at him. He stared back. No one spoke. Elliott opened his folder and leaned over it, Olivia looked on. They played their act. They looked at each other and nodded.

Elliott turned to him. "We know you weren't working, and we know that your secretary has a thing for you and will do anything to help you."

"She's a liar."

"And we have you on video entering the victim's apartment an hour before the attack," Olivia added. Elliott flipped the folder shut.

"You want to tell us anything now Julian, before Ms. Novak gets involved?" Elliott asked. The door swung open and a lawyer walked through. She smiled at the detectives.

"Thank you, but he'll just stay quiet," she said.

"With all we've got on him, Novak won't be looking to deal," Olivia said. "He might want to-"

"Sorry, but no." There was a knock on the window. Elliott got up and left the room, while Julian's lawyer bent to whisper in her clients ear. When Elliott returned, he pulled Julian up.

"You're under arrest Julian," Elliott smiled. "You have the right to remain silent.." Elliott read the man his rights and pushed him out the door for booking.

"Keep quiet," the lawyer called after them. She started to follow, then turned back to Olivia and looked her up and down. "Can't say you're how I pictured, Detective Benson."

Olivia looked up at the woman. "Uhm...I'm sorry. Do I know-"

"Although, I wasn't sure what I was expecting." She crossed her arms and continued studying Olivia. She smiled.

Olivia warily stood. "And you are?"

The woman chuckled lightly, "Of course, I'm sorry." She held out a hand. "Kimberly Franke."

Olivia shook her hand, still unsure. "I'm sorry," she shook her head.

"I've just heard so much about you, that's all." She headed for the door. "Do have a good day, Olivia." She left and Olivia slowly followed her out. She stood outside the room and watched the woman walk away, still with no idea who she was. She glanced around and caught Fin and John watching the woman as well. She went over to them.

"Any clue who that is?"

Fin looked up at her. "No, but I was thinking about finding out."

"Odd. Think she's new? I've never seen her around," Olivia said.

"You wouldn't," a voice approached. They all looked over at Casey Novak, who had just walked from Cragen's office. "Kimberly Franke's a corporate attorney, rarely ever does criminal law."

"Then what's she doing here?" John asked.

"Beats me," Casey shrugged. "Let's just hope she doesn't do as well as usual. That woman has barely ever lost a case," she grumbled, then walked away.

"If she's corporate, she probably covers Julian's office," Fin pointed out.

"Doesn't explain how she seems to know me," Olivia commented. At that point, Elliott returned so she pushed the thought away and went back to working.

Ed was very happy that night when a knock came at the front door of the apartment. As usual, Bobby was over at Kennedy's for the night. Olivia was coming over for dinner now that her case was over and she had the time. He pulled open the door and smiled out at her. They both enjoyed the moment of watching each other in the doorway.

"Can I come in or what?" She finally asked. He stepped back to allow her in and pushed the door shut behind her. He looped an arm around her waist and pulled her close.

"Hey," he greeted.

"Hey," she replied. She held his face and brought him in for a kiss. Their faces lingered a moment, close to each other. They both opened their eyes and looked at each other some more. "I've missed that," she whispered. "Having someone to greet me at the end of the day."

"Me too," he agreed. He pulled her in for another kiss. "How about some dinner?"

"Mmm, please," she murmured. She followed him into the kitchen. "Didn't have lunch today."

"That's not good," he stated. He dished up two plates of the spaghetti he'd prepared and carried them out to the dining table. They sat next to each other and ate without speaking. Once they started slowing down on the food, feeling better, they talked. "Get the bad guy?" He asked her.

"Yea. Well, if Casey can hold onto him we did."

"Good," he smiled.

"What about you?"

"Had a few leads, nothing great," he shrugged and sighed.

"Weird thing happened today," she remembered. "We were trying to talk to our guy and his attorney showed up. Some big glam corporate lawyer, which in itself was odd, but she seemed to know me. Elliott says it must be my reputation for the squad and whatnot. He's probably right. I'm forever running into officers and lawyers who know me. But...I don't know. This one was different." She was still eating her food, not noticing that Ed had gone still and silent. After a bit she looked over at him. He nodded.

"That is weird. Happens to me too," he said. He forced a bite of his food, silently praying. "So who was this attorney?"

"Oh I don't know...Karen someone...no...Kimberly. Yea, Kimberly Franke." She did notice that Ed choked on his food. "You okay?" She patted his back and he nodded, then took a sip of his water.

"What did she say to you?" He coughed once more and drank more water.

Olivia looked at him curiously. "That she was pleased to meet me, that I wasn't what she expected..."

"Nothing...uhh...nothing else?"

"No, why?"

Ed pushed his dish away and looked down at the table. "I know her," he said.

"You do?"

"Yes. Kim...is...an ex-girlfriend."

Olivia choked on her own food, and pushed it away. She looked at him, unsure what to think. "Really?"

"We dated a long time ago. Long before I knew you."

"Then how does she know who I am?"

"I saw her again once or twice before you and I got serious."

"Oh. Right, well...okay," she nodded. She couldn't be upset about that, as she'd been the one to stop calling him back then.

"And..." he added. His thoughts fumbled a bit before he spoke. "Recently we've...just been hanging out. Meeting for coffee or dinner."

"Okay," she nodded slowly, completely jealous, but again couldn't be upset about it. They'd been split up. She really started worrying when his hand closed over hers.

"But, uh...we-uh..." he looked at her. "The night you broke up with me...I was all over the place and I went to see her."

"Oh. And...you two..."

"Yea," he said. A long silence followed and he tried to read her expression, but he couldn't. At last, she shrugged and met his eyes.

"Well we were broken up, it's not like you were cheating on me."

"It felt like it," he replied quietly. "I felt like...like I was betraying you. And that night...it was the only night. With Kim or with anyone else. I just...I...couldn't."

"Me either," she said, squeezing his hand.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be," she assured him. They stayed quiet for a long time, both lost in thought. Ed went to clear the dishes, but she stopped him. "While we're talking about past events, there is something I want to tell you." He sat back down and looked at her.

"Is this about you dating? I know you did...Kennedy-" he started, but she stopped him.

"No. I mean, yes I did go on a few dates but...this is about while we were together." She saw dread fill his face and she shook her head. "Relax, I never cheated on you," she said. "You remember Thanksgiving?"

He smiled a bit. "Yea, I do. It was bad. One of many bad nights."

"Well my mood wasn't much help. The thing is...that week...I had a scare. The week before Thanksgiving, I had thought I might be pregnant." Ed wasn't expecting that at all. "I wasn't," she added quickly. "But for a few days, I really thought I might have been and it terrified me. With everything that we were going through, and what you were going through, I didn't know what I would have done if I had been. I didn't know how you would have reacted. At the time, you couldn't admit our future, how would you react to having a child? But...actually on Thanksgiving, I got my answer. I wasn't. And even though I was relieved, I was a little sad too. I don't think I wanted to be pregnant, but..." she shrugged. "I can't explain it. But I wanted you to know. It contributed to what was between us, to my anger."

He was letting the news process. He sighed at last. "I can't promise that back then I wouldn't have acted how you were expecting, if it had all been real. I'm sorry that you had to go through that and that you couldn't tell me."

"I'm sorry I didn't try to tell you." He pulled his chair closer to hers and draped an arm over her shoulder. He put his forehead to the side of her head and his lips to her ear.

"We'll do things right this time around."

"Yea," she agreed softly.

"I'm not letting you go again." She closed her eyes and put her hand to his cheek.

"I'm not going anywhere," she said.

"It won't be perfect."

She turned to meet his eyes, not letting go of his cheek. "I don't expect perfect, Ed." He put his hand over hers and pulled it down, holding it between his own.

"Then what are you expecting here?"

"I'm not. Expectations screw things up."

"I mean...what is it you see for us now? We both have thoughts..." he massaged her hand gently as he spoke. "I just think we should be clear."

"Okay," she nodded. "I know that I want things to work out between us. My thoughts are that they may not, and I don't want to get my hopes up."

"You don't trust me, us."

"No. No, that's not-"

"It's okay," he assured her. "You have every right to feel that way. I don't like it, but that just means that somewhere down the road I can say 'told ya so'." She laughed and smiled at him, running a hand up his arm searching for more closeness.

"What are you looking for me to say?" She asked. "I want us to spend our time together and to have what we didn't have before. I want to find some sort of normalcy...and one day, maybe a home...more..."

"A family?" He asked softly.

"I don't know. I know that I want one some day, and I know that I don't want to think of one without you in it. But I'm not ready right now to think about that for us. Especially not if it's an issue." She stared into his eyes, trying to read his mind as he wasn't replying. He was staring back into her eyes, but she could see that he was elsewhere. "Is it?" She asked. She watched him come back to her.

"I agree that it's not the right time to think about it...but...one day...I..." he went back into his thoughts. He knew that this was where he needed to really talk, like he would if he were in Skoda's office. In fact, it was a topic that he and Skoda had hit upon many times so he knew his feelings. He just had a hard time telling her. He squeezed her hand and decided to try. "The idealistic part of my mind and heart tell me that...the thought of having my own family is thrilling. Having kids...it's an image I like. And the thought of sharing it all with you, I like even more. But then the logical thoughts kick in and...y'know it's part of what ruined us last time. This fear in me that I can't protect the people that I need to protect. The way that I failed with...with Misha. And I know that I did what I could for her, and that I can't do it all, but it still scares me. The things I see every day...they scare me. It scares me how easy it all can be ripped away."

"I get it," she replied. "I think the same things."

"I know you do. And...Misha was my friend. In the short time we knew each other, she was truly my friend and like family. But I think her leaving and being lost for so long made it...it was an unsolvable piece of my life. It became a valid reason for my fears. Fears that I had before I knew her. And it built up until I found her again. As horrible as it sounds...as much as I cared for her...maybe it was all...just something I could use. A bad thing that I could blame. Maybe...I don't know..." he lost his words and faded into silence. His eyes fell to their intertwined hands.

"That doesn't sound horrible," Olivia said. "It sounds...it's real. We build relationships not just for who the other person is, but for who we are. For who we aren't. And letting the loss of her be your target or...your well...for your problems...doesn't downgrade the importance of her to you. I think you've had so many conflicting feelings about it all over the years, that you don't know what to believe anymore. From hating yourself for letting her run away, for her death...to hating her for dying and making you feel however you feel. All of it...all of it is because you care. We can be scared of everything that we know can happen in the world, and we can let that affect our lives...or we can accept what we know...and choose to enjoy our lives any way." He brought his head up and met her eyes again.

"I want to enjoy it," he answered. "With you."

"We'll work through everything else. We've gotten this far as it is."

"Yea, we have," he nodded.

"We should do this more...talking like this..."

"It does feel better," he agreed.

"Doesn't it?" She smiled. "And...I know it was a touchy subject in the breakup, but I don't want you to feel like you can't ever bring up Misha. She was your friend, and a big part of...well, a big part of our relationship. We came together after her...you sometimes forget that I spent time with her, I think. When she was in the hospital, she slept a lot and ignored me a lot...but we talked a little bit. She didn't tell me anything useful about her life, and we didn't talk much about you so I've never really brought it up."

"What did you two talk about?" He asked.

"She asked me if I enjoyed my job and if I always got the bad guy. She asked me if it was possible to become a new person. I told her she could do anything if she wanted, that she could leave it all behind. I think she wanted...I think she wanted to change. To leave everything her life had been behind and rebuild. That's probably one reason she didn't want you around, because you were one big reminder to her of everywhere she had gone wrong."

He smiled slightly and squeezed her hand. "You think she was going to leave the drugs and all that?"

"Yea, I think she wanted to. Before shutting off and ignoring me again, she said 'Y'know a person can go to college and become a librarian? Wouldn't that be amazing?' And she had this look on her face.."

Ed brought her palm to his lips and his smile grew. "She wanted to be a librarian," he said. Olivia nodded.

"See, there are better things to think about for her than the things you usually mull over." She gazed at him and watched the words sink in. "Frankly I feel thankful to her," Olivia said, speaking something she'd never been able to tell him. She brought his face up to make sure he was looking at her. "She brought us together, Ed. She brought me to you." His eyes dropped closed and he gave a slight nod. "I don't know when I fell in love with you exactly, but I know when I began to care more than was necessary. When I stood behind that mirror and watched..." her voice caught and she cleared her throat. "When Cragen called me and told me that they found Misha's body...I thought I was going to faint. My victims have shown up dead before like that, and it's never good...but when that call came...all I could think about was you. And then watching what happened in that room..."

"You were watching?" His eyes opened and he looked at her with the ghost of that day in his gaze.

"Yea...Van Buren and I were...and I couldn't walk away...I couldn't stop wishing that no one else was around, so that I could wrap my arms around you and attempt to bring you comfort."

"You never told me," he said.

"Last time around...we didn't talk about a lot of things."

"I know. I'm sorry I scared you, but I'm glad you were there, Liv. It might not have seemed like it, but you did bring me comfort...just by being there that week." He laced his hands around the back of her neck and pulled her in for a kiss. They sat silently close and let the heavy moment ease itself away. Once it did, he sat back. "That reminds me," he stood up and stretched, then pulled her up. "I want to show you something." He led her over to the couch and she sat down. He went over to the bookshelf and ran a finger along the spines, then pulled a book down. He took it back to the couch with him and sat beside her. "This was returned to me recently. It has some great poems in it that I thought you might like to see...and..." he slowly opened the front cover. "It's the final piece to Misha's collection." His fingers grazed the handwritten note on the inside of the book. Olivia put her hand over his, and didn't read any of the note. Instead, they both silently sat staring at their hands together.


	29. Piano Man

**Piano Man**

"_Sing us a song, you're the piano man.  
Sing us a song tonight.  
Well, we're all in the mood for a melody,  
and you've got us feelin' alright."_

_Billy Joel _

Kennedy was folding her laundry when her cell phone rang. She grabbed it and smiled at the caller ID. "'Alo!" She said brightly.

"Hey Kennie," Olivia replied.

"What's up, lady?"

"Just checking in on you. Haven't heard from you in a few days."

Kennedy laughed and sat on her bed. "No, honey, it is I who has not heard from you. Let me guess, busy bumble bee at work without a minute to spare, then all your free time with your man."

"Something like that. One might think that as you and I are dating roommates that we might run into each other at some point."

"Yes, one might. But those people don't realize that while Bobby has his name on a lease, I decide where he sleeps every night."

Olivia laughed. "There you go. But to answer you, yes, I have been spending my free time with Ed the past week. The free time that I can find, that is. We've still got things to talk about."

"Good, keep talking. Don't let things go back to normal after just two weeks."

"Not at all. How are you, though?"

"Oh I am good. I'm great. Haven't picked a fight with Bobby lately."

"Glad to hear that."

"Yep, amazing what he puts up with," Kennedy said.

"Stop that. He's no angel."

"True."

"I guess I haven't mentioned to you who I met last week?"

"Don't think so."

"Apparently Ed has a really gorgeous ex who's a big time corporate lawyer," Olivia said.

"Oh?" Kennedy made a gun motion to her forehead and pulled the trigger. "Is that so?"

"Yep. She's defending one of our perps. Seems she knows her stuff about criminal law, and when it comes to one of her firms high paying clients committing brutal rape she gets to go out and play."

"Imagine that," Kennedy said.

"What's that tone?"

"No tone."

"I only spoke to her for a moment and at the time I didn't know who she was. Y'know, Ed said that he slept with her while we were split up. Not that I care."

Kennedy jumped to her feet. "I knew it!"

Olivia raised her eyebrows at her phone, as if her friend could see it. "What?"

Realizing what she'd said, Kennedy sat down quickly. "What?"

"You knew what?"

"What? Nothing...huh?"

"Stop playing dumb Ken, you're not good at it."

"Okay, I may have met the woman."

"You did?"

"Yea," Kennedy rolled her eyes and heaved a sigh. "One night Bobby, Zack, Bella and I went out for dinner and we invited Ed and he brought..._Kim_. I knew he was going home with her. Pig."

"Oh. Are you sure...well, he said he slept with her the same night I broke up with him. I don't think he did again, he would have said so."

"He did? Well that's a relief. Not that he slept with her, but that he didn't...y'know, I'll shut up. Sorry."

"So you got to talk to her? What was she like?"

"Since when do you care about the ex of the guy you're seeing?"

"I don't. Call it curiosity."

"She's arrogant, stuck up, and likely lacks a real heart. You've got nothing to worry about."

"I'm not worried!"

"Okay. I'm just letting you know that...y'know, she was only there because you weren't."

"I know," Olivia replied quietly.

"She was hot, though, sorry to say."

"Yea, I noticed," Olivia laughed. "As did every man in my precinct."

After the phone call, Kennedy finished putting the clothes away and went to the kitchen to make dinner. Bobby had yet to call and say he'd be late, so she was making enough for two. If she had to, she'd put his in the microwave until he could eat it. Something she did several times a week. Luck was on her side, and as she pulled the casserole dish from the oven her front door opened.

"Smells good," he called from the front hall. She put the food down and walked out to him. He looked her up and down. She had her lobster claw pot holder gloves on, as well as her apron that said 'Caution: Contents _HOT_' in bright red lettering. He grinned. "Honey, I'm home."

She stepped up to him. "Does this look like_ Leave It To Beave_r?"

"A bit, yes," he bent down and kissed her. It didn't look like _Leave It To Beaver_. She pulled from his grasp.

"Our domesticity scares me sometimes," she rolled her eyes as she walked back to the kitchen.

"Oh? I quite like it," he answered across the apartment. He dropped his coat and briefcase and went into the kitchen. He peered over her shoulder at the stove, his hands on her hips. "What's for dinner?"

Kennedy pulled the foil off of the dish and hot steam came at their faces. "Stuffed shells," she announced. "Get plates, love." Bobby did as he was told and grabbed two plates. He set them down and she spooned a large stuffed pasta shell onto either one. Then she pulled the bagged salad from the fridge and gave each plate a hand full. Bobby took the plates to the living room and Kennedy got napkins, silverware, salad dressing and two beers, then followed. They sat down on the couch, feet on the coffee table, and both sighed from long days.

"Looks great," he said, before shoving a large fork full into his mouth. She watched as he jumped. "Yow ow!" His mouth popped open and he sucked air through the food. "Hot, hot," he said.

"No shit." She watched him swallow the food then down a long gulp of cold beer. "The amazing Detective Goren ladies and gentleman," she grinned. He ignored her and started eating his salad.

"I was thinking today," he said after getting through his salad.

"Isn't that a part of the job?"

He shook his head and continued. "I was thinking, and I'm curious about something." He took a big bite of the cooled shell. He made a yummy food sound. "What did your mom do?" Kennedy's smile went away and her fork poked at her food. "No, it's just...you said your dad was a High School music teacher, right? What did your mom do?" He gave it a minute, but then Kennedy started eating again and eased up. She even smiled a little.

"My mom...was a model."

"She was?" His eyes went to the wall on the far side of the room where the picture of Kennedy and her parents hung. He nodded. "She was pretty."

"She was stunning," Kennedy corrected. She looked at the same picture. "She started modeling in her late teens and kept it up for years. She did women's catalogs and other ad's like that."

"She like it?"

"Enough. When she got the right job. Story has it that she preferred to pass on jobs than diet or whatever they would want of her. She hated runways and fashion and the fake part of modeling. She gave it up a few years before I was born and went into journalism. She loved to speak her mind. Speak out against 'the man'."

Bobby glanced at Kennedy with a smile. "So that's where you got that from," he said.

She ignored him and went on, "Mom was a hippie liberal all the way. Found her way into newscasting. By the time she got sick, she was co-anchor for the local station."

"On TV and everything? That must have been weird for you."

"I loved it. My mom was a star in my eyes. She wanted bigger. Actually, the year before she got sick she was trying to get into the national market. I don't know all the details, but I remember the audition tape she was making. She had to put together clips of her career in news, some of her best stories, and she had to put herself in it. A taste of her life and her family...she had friends and people from around town go on the camera and say how great she was."

"Did she ever send it in?" He asked. He put his empty plate on the table.

"Uh...no. No, she didn't." Kennedy pushed that away and smiled again. "You really want to know what my family was like 'before'?"

"I do," he nodded.

"I have her audition tape."

"Yea?"

"Yea. I found it when I was going through old boxes of my parents' things. I watch it...I watch it a lot," she ended quietly. She gave him her plate and got off the couch. She went over to the bookshelf and pushed aside some of her classics and pulled a cassette tape out. She popped it into the VCR and fast forwarded, then stopped it. She'd seen it enough to know right where everything was. As she sat back on the couch, Bobby turned the TV on and the video kicked on.

The picture came on screen and revealed a flashback of a living room. Pure 80's. A woman stood in the center of the frame. She had extremely long, wavy hair. Black, like Kennedy's. She had the same popping green eyes as Kennedy, but her other features were slightly different. Bobby saw the difference clearly, but only because he knew Kennedy so well. Anyone else might think the two women were identical. The woman on the screen had a natural glow to her. Not just in her skin and eyes, but all around. Her smile was radiant and Bobby saw precisely why she had been a model and news anchor. Just looking at her a person could see her warmth and friendliness. Her smile was bright and welcoming.

"Welcome to the den of Layla and Terrence Oliver," the woman said. Her hand wove through the air, presenting the room. "This is where my husband and I spend our time with our little girl. As you will see, we do have a television, but all we watch is Channel Six news." She grinned. "At night we all prefer to pile on our couch and read as a family, or entertain ourselves with my husbands piano." The camera panned the room and lingered on the piano, then went back to Layla. "I have told you all about my perfect family, I think it's time to meet them and see us in action. Without further adieu, please give it up for Terrence Oliver!" She clapped, along with whoever was operating the camera. A man stepped into the shot. No, he bounced in. His energy was incredible. He had a huge wacky grin and thin silver hair. He had dark shades over his eyes and a dress jacket buttoned over his chest. The sleeves of the jacket were hiked to his elbows. He was a couple inches taller than his wife, and several inches wider.

"Ladies and Gentleman, isn't she perfection?" He turned to his wife and caught her off guard by dipping her and kissing her. She laughed as he set her right and she gave him a light slap.

"Stop Terry," she said. She faced the camera again. "Mr. Ollie-O, as his students call him, will be on the piano tonight." Terry nodded and the camera followed him as he sat down at the piano and played a couple snappy fun notes. His wife stepped closer so that she was still in the frame. "And the concert would not be complete without the diva herself, the incomparable, the amazing, the-"

"Delightful!" A small voice called from off camera. Layla grinned.

"The delightful, DeeDee Oliver!" She clapped again, and the camera person and Terry joined in.

"Say one thing," Kennedy warned Bobby, once her old nickname was uttered. He remained entranced in the video. Terry had started an upbeat tune and a small child sauntered on screen. Kennedy age 7. She was wearing her mom's high heels, big Jackie O sunglasses, clunky clip on earing's, a string of fake pearls, and one of her mom's skirts. The skirt was all the way up under her armpits so that it looked like a dress on her. She hit front and center on the screen and just in time to the beat, jutted out her hip to strike a pose. One hand was on her hip, the other behind her head. People applauded again. Bobby grinned. "Shut it," Kennedy reminded him. He clamped his lips together and kept watching.

"Hello people," little Kennedy called into the camera. Her dad was still pounding away on the piano. The music slowly turned over into a recognizable tune and before Bobby could place it, little Kennedy started. Her hand left her head and she slowly moved it through the air as she sang, "_Oooh, what you want! Baby, I got it!_" Her small voice belted as she swung both fists in the air. "_What you need, you know I got it!" _The camera zoomed out a bit as little Kennedy kicked off the giant heels._ "All I'm askin, is for a little respect when you get home!_" Terry was jamming away on the piano and Layla moved to Kennedy's side. The two sang together and danced a little routine. Then it hit the fun part and Terry stopped playing a moment, Layla stopped dancing, and little Kennedy jutted out her hip again and waved a finger in the air as she sang, "_R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me! R-E-S-P-E-C-T.._" she mumbled the last bit of the line, as everyone on earth does, then her dad started the piano again and her mom started singing with her again. When the number ended Bobby was clapping and laughing. On screen, Kennedy was bowing and her parents were standing and watching her with grins, clapping. The excitement in the room continued as the image faded away. When it came back on, the shot was tight. Layla was sitting on a stairway, obviously holding the camera herself.

"You've seen nothing, friends. The best part of my life..." she said nothing for a moment and the faint sounds of piano could be heard. "This is what I wait for every day. This is what I am alive for. This...is my home." She turned the camera and the image wobbled through a couple rooms and stopped. The camera was now peering into the den again, undetected. At the piano, Terry sat with Kennedy on his lap. Her hands were overlapped on his arms as he slowly played and sang to her. His head was close to hers and neither noticed the camera or Layla.

He was singing, "_Honey, you are my shining star. Don't you go away. Wanna be right here where you are, until my dyin' day_..."

On the couch, Kennedy grasped onto Bobby's hand as she stared into the screen. He looked at her and as the song went on he saw tears hit her cheeks. He looked at the TV again. It was a beautiful image, and he understood why her mom loved it. When the song ended, they still didn't know they were being filmed.

"That's my song," little Kennedy said.

"It sure is, kitten," her dad answered. Her hugged her tightly. "One day you'll be too big to sit on my lap while I play."

"Yea," she said. "But not yet."

"Not yet," her father nodded. The camera was taken back to the hall and Layla turned it back on herself.

"You've seen my work, you've seen my town, and now you've seen my family. I'm not sure there's any way to follow that." She smiled and reached past the lens to press a button. The image froze on her smile and Kennedy hit pause. Bobby put his arm around Kennedy and pulled her close. He felt her tears bleed into his shirt, but he didn't care.

"You'd think those people could get through anything," she whispered. Bobby pressed his lips to the top of her head. "We were happy once. We were so happy, Bobby."

"I know," he soothed. "Sorry, I shouldn't have brought it all up."

She pushed her hair back and wiped her face. "No, I'm glad you saw it. All you hear about is the bad stuff we had...but there was a lot of good once."

Bobby sighed and stroked her back as they watched the TV. He put his cheek to the top of her head. "You should get a piano," he mentioned after a long silence.

"And put it where?" She asked, finally smiling again. He looked around the small living room. The couch they sat on was on one wall, with a large bookcase next to it nestled into the corner. In front of them was a very small coffee table, and then several feet of space before the TV on it's short cart, and a half wall. Beside the half wall, the room opened to the foyer/end of the hall. The hall was roughly four paces before her bedroom, and the foyer not nearly big enough for three people to stand in. On the other side of the couch was another tall bookshelf, then an old wooden trunk. And those items took up that entire wall. In front of the trunk and bookshelf was another half wall, of which if you walked around, there was an open doorway to the thin kitchen. At the end of the kitchen was a small table for two, the only place Kennedy could fit any form of proper eating table.

Bobby nodded, "I see your point."

"Besides, this place is cramped enough just adding you...that's enough for now," she grinned and he smiled back.

"And when you're ready for the piano I'm out?"

"Depends on the piano."


	30. All Will Be Forgotten

_AN: The views and opinions of a certain character in this chapter DO NOT reflect my own. It is simply for plot, I do not intend to offend ANYONE in this chapter. I find the words of the man DISGUSTING and unexcusable. Don't hate me for it, please._

* * *

**All Will Be Forgotten**

"_All will be forgotten,   
every tear you've cried.  
As soon as you awaken,  
to what's right in front of your eyes,  
Standing by your side."_

_Holly Brook_

Ed sat at his desk and twirled a paper football between his fingers as he thought. He glanced at his partner. She never would play paper football with him like Joe used to. That irked him. Paper football always helped him think his case over. Not that he had one to think over at the moment. They'd finished their case that morning and they were doing the paperwork. He sighed and threw the football at her anyway. It hit her forehead and plunked onto her desk. She looked up and tilted her head with a raised eyebrow.

"Thank you," she said.

"What are you doing tonight?"

"If you don't get back to it, I'll be doing paperwork. Then hurting you," she said. Her eyes went back to her computer. He leaned over and grabbed his football and threw it at her again.

"What are you doing tonight?"

She picked the football up from her desk and threw it back at him. "How old are you?" She rolled her eyes, then added, "I've got plans."

"I'm being forced to go out with a big group for drinks. You should come along. Bring your secret boyfriend."

"I don't have a secret boyfriend."

"Yea you do."

"Thanks, but no thanks. Now can we please finish these files so we can go home before a call comes in?"

"Fine," he exaggeratedly rolled his eyes back to her.

On his way home, Ed made a quick stop at the cemetery. He hadn't been much recently, and he wanted to stop. He stepped up and placed a yellow rose down and crouched down. He was smiling. "Everything is great right now, Mish...it's...great. Aren't you proud of me?" He sat quietly for awhile, smiling, noticing the warm beautiful early evening. "I think things will be great for a long time, too. I think I'll be okay."

Ed, Olivia, Bobby, and Kennedy left Bobby's apartment later that evening after sharing a couple pizzas. "Where we going?" Kennedy asked.

"Some bar I've never been to," Olivia said. "It's a good middle ground for everyone."

"And who's everyone?" Ed asked.

"Us, Elliott..." Olivia shrugged and glanced at Kennedy.

"Zack and Bella," Kennedy put in.

"Eames," Bobby said. Kennedy laughed and took his arm.

"Now, love, we're going _out_...call her _Alex_." Bobby chuckled at her and she went on to ask, "What about Mike?"

"He said he'd meet us, but hard to say with him," Bobby said.

"I tried to get my partner to join us," Ed offered.

"And two other guys I work with," Kennedy said.

"That's a lot of people," Olivia observed.

"You guys all promised that if I organized a night out that you'd go," Kennedy reminded them. No one answered. "All of you are boring. Boring miserable cops. And you wonder where your nicknames come from," she snorted and walked on. The other three exchanged glances behind her.

"Nicknames?" Ed asked.

"Yea. I never told you?"

"No," Olivia shook her head.

"Oh." Kennedy shrugged with a smile and turned around to face them, walking backwards. "I can't say, really. It's a thing around the station."

"Spill," Bobby said.

"Oh fine. Well first you got De-snark-tives," she pointed at Ed. "Covers your basic Detective. "Sex Decks and...Major head-Case Squad." All three detectives stopped walking and stared at Kennedy. She stopped, too.

"Oh get over it. Like you don't have evil nicknames for the EMTs?"

"No," they all chorused.

"This place reeks," Elliott said in form of greeting. The four newcomers sat down at the table he had acquired.

"It does kinda smell," Olivia commented.

"Ooh, Petey and Gabe are here!" Kennedy jumped up and went over to where two guys sat at the bar.

"How's it goin?" Ed greeted Elliott.

"It's goin," Elliott nodded. "We expecting more company?" He pointed to the door where Alex had just walked in. Bobby held a hand up in the air to signal her over. "I'll go get us a round." Elliott stood and walked to the bar. The place was small, so he didn't have to walk far.

Olivia moved her chair closer to Ed's and leaned in to him. "This place really does smell," she laughed.

He nodded. "Yea it does, wow. Not much better to look at."

"Wanna ditch them?"

He met her eyes and grinned. "Okay, long as you're the one to answer to Kennie."

"Nu-uh," she shook her head. "Fine, we'll wait it out. Then time alone?"

"Absolutely," he replied, not moving his eyes from hers. In that moment, as far as he was concerned, they were already alone. He ended the moment with a quick peck on her lips, then pulled back. "Detective Eames!" He said warmly. Alex, who had just sat down, looked over with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes?"

"Hi."

She rolled her eyes, amused. "Hi."

"I'll get two pitchers and enough glasses for that table," Elliott said, pointing his thumb over his shoulder. The bar tender nodded and Elliott set his hands to the bar top. He drummed his fingers and looked around a bit as he waited. He'd been in his share of rat hole bars, but mostly when solving a crime. He naturally picked up the conversation beside him.

"I tell ya, man. There's good and bad about this damn city," a man was saying. His friend gave a grunt of a reply and he went on, "You get yourself a job, get a home for your woman and kiddos; then you put up with the freaks." Another grunt. Elliott was slightly amused, so he kept eavesdropping. "You got freaks killin each other, sexin each other...and ya got them multi-sexuals and hobo's. You got all these _different_ people tryin to be Americans, in _our city._" Elliott was becoming less amused and more put off by the man's rant. "And then you got this shit." Elliott looked at him out of the corner of his eye and realized the man had a good view of the rest of the bar. "You got people..._mixin_ their kinds. Disgusting." Elliott barely heard the following grunt because he finally clued in to what the man had meant. He looked back at his table as Olivia and Ed pulled away from each other and started talking to the others.

"Here you go, pal," the bar tender said. Elliott turned back, his body had gone rigid with disgust. The man nearby was still spewing off his hate talk. Without stopping to use his brains, Elliott dropped his hand onto the side of one beer pitcher, sending the liquid flying into the man's lap. The guy jumped up cursing.

"Oh no," Elliot said. "I am so sorry, sir. Really. So sorry," he said without any emotion whatsoever. He dropped some cash onto the bar, apologized to the bar man, and went back to his table without the drinks. "Come on, we're leaving."

"We're what?" Olivia looked up at him, over at the commotion by the bar, then back. "What happened?"

He shrugged. "I'm clumsy."

"Hey buddy! Who do you think you are?" The beer-soaked jerk called after Elliott. Elliott turned around and the man, slowly putting two and two together, saw that Elliott was with the people he had just been bashing. He said nothing and sat back at his stool. A man of all talk and no action.

"Guess we're moving on," Kennedy said. She stood up and ushered everyone outside. "Okay, let's go somewhere where Stabler can't spill anything."

"I know a place," her coworker Gabe said.

They all trooped into a new bar, and it seemed much better. Everyone nodded approvingly. As they found a few tables near each other and sat down, Bobby leaned in to Kennedy. "Did you get in touch with Zack?"

"Yea, I told him where to meet us instead. They'll be here shortly," she replied.

"I'll get the drinks this time," Ed told everyone. Everyone laughed at Elliott's expense, and he let them. He didn't want to share what he had heard.

After one round, Zack and Bella had since shown up, and everyone was chatting and having a great time. The bar was a decent sized place with a nice assortment of people. Also, it wasn't too loud, which was always good. As Zack got up to fetch the next round, loud feedback buzzed through some speakers. Everyone in the bar groaned and shouted against it as a voice came through the speakers.

"Ladies and ladies, good to have you here tonight. Guys...hey I'll put up with ya. We got five minutes and we'll get the karaoke underway!"

Everyone in the group stopped speaking and stared at each other. No one knew what to say. "I really didn't know about the karaoke," Gabe said, terrified.

"We're leaving," Ed said. He started to stand.

"This could be fun," Alex pointed out.

"No, it will be torture," Petey said with an eye roll. "Tone deaf drunks trying to sing? We were better off at the last place."

"Party poopers!" Kennedy shouted at them all. "We're staying, so get over it!"

"Oh? You going to sing?" Bobby asked her.

"In front of all these people? Hell no," she shook her head. "But you're more than welcome to, love." She grinned.

"I don't think so," he replied.

"I don't know, I think you could do it," Alex said. Kennedy laughed and nodded.

"I can see it now. Bobby, Ed, Elliott, all up there shaking their thang." She convulsed in laughter at her own joke. The other women at the table joined in laughing. The three men glared.

"But what would they sing?" Alex asked Kennedy.

"Hmm, initially I was thinking maybe a bit of 50 Cent, but now I'm leaning to some Thin Lizzy and 'The Boys Are Back In Town'."

"Sounds good," Alex nodded.

"I'm staying out of this," Olivia put in.

"Thank you," Ed said.

"Oh not for your benefit, for ours. You really think I want to hear El try to carry a tune?"

"Hey!" Elliott called.

"Kennedy, you should get up and sing," Zack said.

"Do, Kennie," Bella nodded.

"Nope. I don't sing in public."

"Yea just in the shower," Gabe said. No one missed the deadly stare Bobby was shooting him. Gabe held up his hands in defense. "At work! We all hear her in the locker room!" Bobby let it go reluctantly.

They all ended up staying anyway and had a good time laughing at the people that did get up to sing. Well, they laughed quietly at least. Then they applauded for each person to be polite. The truth of the matter was, a lot of the people could sing. Very well. After a long string of singers, the DJ came over the speakers again.

"And next up, we got...Kennedy!" Kennedy slammed her glass down and looked around the tables her group was sitting at.

"Who the hell turned my name in?" Everyone looked innocent and clueless, amused, but clueless. Except Bobby. He was smiling. "That so?" She asked.

"Kennedy?" The DJ called again.

"Scared?" Bobby asked her.

"That a challenge?" She shot back. He nodded. Zack let out an 'oooh'. Kennedy gave Bobby a narrowed look, then got up and went to the small stage. She'd show him. She picked up the mic and looked at the DJ. "Mind telling me what I was signed up for?" The music started up, and she knew immediately. She turned back to the crowd and shot a look over at Bobby once more. He was dead.

She held the microphone up to her mouth and started right in, "_Oooh, what you want! Baby I got it. What you need..._" People cheered at the song she was singing, then cheered more when they realized she could actually sing. She wanted to make it interesting, so she walked in beat to the song over to her table. The crowd laughed and cheered some more, and she started to get more into it. She went right up to Bobby, hooked her foot around the leg of his chair, and spun him out from the table. Luckily, she caught him off guard so she was able to move the chair at all. With him now facing her, she put a foot flat on his knee and a hand to his cheek. "_I ain't gonna do you wrong, while you're gone. Ain't gonna do you wrong, cause I don't wanna_..." She slid her foot down his leg to the floor so that she was sitting on his knee facing him. The crowd was getting a big laugh out of it and Bobby was turning red. Their friends were laughing their asses off. Kennedy kept hamming it up, she ran her hand over his cheek and through his hair. "...w_hen you get home, yea baby. When you get home._"

She hopped off his lap and walked away, staring back over her shoulder. "_Just a little bit_." She found a really hot guy in a business suit and stood up close to him. She put a hand on his shoulder and gave him a smile. "_Ooo, your kisses, sweeter than honey. And guess what?_" She traced a finger across his chest as she walked away from him. "_So is my money._" She made her way through the crowd, flirting with the men and singing to them. She stopped in the middle of the room and broke out into, "_R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me. R-E-S-P-E-C-T..._" she still didn't know those last words. She headed back to the stage and finished up the song, really belting it out. When she finished, the room exploded in applause. She took it happily and bowed several times. When she flounced back over to her table, she sat down and smiled sweetly at Bobby.

"Love, you should know better than to challenge me by now," she batted her eyelashes.

"That was fun," Ed admitted. He followed Olivia into her apartment.

"It was. Maybe we should do that more often...you know, socialize." She smiled as she went into the kitchen.

"Socialize?" He repeated. He flopped down on her couch and kicked his shoes off. "No, once a year is enough." He lay back and shut his eyes. It was after two AM and he was beat. Olivia came out of the kitchen, and sat at his feet with a glass of water and bag of chips. He heard the sound of the chip bag and opened an eye. "Ooh, chips." He leaned forward far enough to snatch the snack from her hand and lay back down.

"Hey!" She leaned over him and tried to get the bag back. "My chips."

"Mine now," he held them away from her. He stuffed a few in his mouth and moved the bag every time she got close to grabbing it. He laughed. "What'll you trade for them?"

"Give me my chips," she said.

"What'll you trade for them?" He asked again.

"Nothing, give me my chips." She made one last lunge for them but he yanked them away again. This time, his knee knocked her hand and water jumped out of her glass and spilled on him. "Ooh, look what you did," she said.

"Watch it!" He frowned at the spilled water.

"That's what you get," she shrugged.

"A little spilled water won't get your chips back."

"Fine." She put the glass on the coffee table and stood up. She let out a long stretch, then headed for her room. "Night, Ed." She went into her room and pushed the door shut. Within seconds he busted in after her.

"Wait a minute," he was saying.

"You stole my chips," she put her hands on her hips, but was smiling. "Why should I let you sleep in my bed?"

"Because you wouldn't make me sleep on the couch, you're not that cruel." She watched him for a moment, then shook her head and dropped her hands.

"You're just lucky those weren't Barbecue chips or we'd be in real trouble," she said. He laughed and moved to her and tried kissing on her. She gave him a soft shove. "Sorry, but I'm putting on my pajama's and going to sleep."

"But-" he started.

"Next time you'll think twice about stealing my chips," she said. He pouted playfully as she got changed and crawled into bed. "Turn off the light and get in bed," she told him. He turned off the light and stripped to his boxers and undershirt, then got into bed beside her. She rolled over and put her face in his chest with a content sigh. "Night," she whispered.

"Night, baby," he whispered back, holding her tight.

"That's the last time I'm doing anything like that," Bobby said as he rinsed his toothbrush and set it in it's holder. He turned off the bathroom light and went into his room, where Kennedy was already in bed.

"It was fun," she said. "You had fun, I saw."

He shook his head as he got into the bed beside her. "It was embarrassing," he said. He turned the bedside lamp off and lay back.

"Hey, you're the one that put my name in," she reminded him. "But I do love that I have the ability to embarrass you." She grinned and rolled over to face him.

"You take pride in that?"

"I do. I don't suspect many people can."

"You're right. And you do." He laughed as she batted him.

"Stop abusing me," he said. He grabbed her hand and wrapped it over his chest. "Fine, I had a good time. Really, I did."

"You're welcome." She closed her eyes for sleep, but he pulled on her arm again, yanking her over him. "Bobby," she whined.

"Kennedy," he whined back. "Hey." She opened her eyes and looked down on him. "Did you ever realize that our names together are Bobby Kennedy? Like Robert Kennedy." Kennedy gave him an exasperated look.

"I know you're not trying to use political figures as foreplay."

"No. Just stating a fact."

She pulled from his grip and lay at his side, closing her eyes again. "And it took you this long to realize this about our names?"

He closed his eyes as well. "I think I noticed it before, but never really thought it through. And I never mentioned it, so I-"

"Go to sleep!"

"Yes, dear."


	31. I Spy And Sometimes Fly

**I-Spy And Sometimes Fly**

Ed crouched against the aging stone step and scratched behind his ear as he looked down the street. "Nothin going," he mumbled into the sleeve of his black jean jacket that hung open over a bronze-orange t-shirt. He moved his hand over his head and pulled his baseball cap tighter over his skull. He remained in his relaxed slump against the wall and drummed his fingers over his knee, which was sporting black jeans.

Nina's voice clipped at his ear. "I've got some movement, hold still." He didn't bother looking around, because he knew he couldn't see her around the corner of the apartment building.

"Careful Cassidy," Van Buren's voice said into Ed's ear. There was no reply. Ed slowly stood up and swaggered over to the phone booth. He put a quarter in and held the receiver to his ear in such a way that the mic in his sleeve was by his mouth.

"Come on, Nina," he said. "Say something." He waited and listened. Then he heard a loud shout and a shot.

"Shots fired, shots fired!" Nina screamed into his ear. He dropped the phone and took off around the corner. He saw a glimpse of her back as she ran away from him, the suspect ahead of her. He kept running, looking around as he did for anyone who might have been shot. He saw nothing. He pulled out his gun and spoke into his mic.

"I'm following, Lieu!"

"Go! We'll check the scene," she called back. Ed was gaining on Nina, but he had lost sight of the suspect. He could tell that Nina hadn't. Just as he brought his wrist to his mouth again, to alert her that he was cutting an alley around, a thick force struck his knees and he spilled onto the pavement. He felt his chin land and his teeth clamped down on his tongue. Whatever was inside his head rattled around and his gun skidded out of his hand and across the sidewalk. Before he could look to see what had stopped his chase, he was being struck again. He was being struck with the same hard force on his back and his legs.

"Hey!" He shouted. He ignored the pain he was in and flipped over. He grabbed onto something metal, but it was pulled from his hand and struck him again. "Hey!" He was using his best mean cop voice. Then he caught a glimpse of his attacker.

"Hoodlum! Good for nothing hoodlum!" A small wiry old lady was beating her walker against him. "Chasing a poor girl like that! And with a gun!" She beat him more.

"Lady! Stop that!" He tried to reach for his badge, but she was relentless. The inside of his mouth was on fire, and he recognized the metallic taste of blood.

"No respect! No respect for women!"

His hands were flying as he tried to avoid getting hit as well as get a hold of her walker. He had Van Buren in his ear asking what was going on and Nina shouting that she had the guy and needed back up. He finally caught the walker and his badge at the same time. He dropped back on his back in exhaustion and showed her the badge. "I'm a cop! I was chasing my partner! Now I'm letting go and you're holding still!" He waited a second, then let go and quickly rolled away and jumped to his feet. Pain still vibrated through his body. Each word he spoke sent fresh sparks of pain through his mouth. On his feet, he towered over the small woman. She looked at him then down the sidewalk where Nina had run, then back at Ed.

"I'm terribly sorry Officer. I...I saw you chasing her. I thought-"

He felt obliged to say something, but his mouth begged him not to. "I gotta.." Was all he could muster. He found his gun and made his way down the sidewalk. His legs hurt, his back hurt. He spit the blood from his mouth to the sidewalk, and put his jacket cuff to his chin as he cut through an alley to find Nina. One of the other undercover guys had gotten to her first and they had the suspect cuffed, with his face against the fence.

"About time," she muttered. She raised an eyebrow. "What happened to you?" He shook his head and leaned against the brick wall beside the suspect.

"You okay?" He asked, out of breath. He spit again.

"Fine," she nodded. "Idiot tried climbing the fence and fell. I tried cuffing him, but every time I went for the cuffs he fought it," she glared at the bad guy. He made an inappropriate gesture with his tongue and Ed let go of his chin long enough to give the guy a small slap to the back of his head. "You're bleeding a lot," Nina noted.

Ed nodded and put his arm back to his chin. The other detective let go of the guy and gave Nina the honor of walking the suspect over to where Van Buren and the surveillance van were. Ed limped the whole way back.

"So?" Nina asked.

He spoke through the pain slowly. "Citizen Granny. Saving the world one undercover detective at a time." His speech was a bit slurred and he spit blood once more.

They got to Van Buren who was annoyed and worried. Nina shoved the guy into a squad car and shut the door. "Could have gone better," Nina stated. "Anyone get hurt when he shot at me?"

"He shot at you?" Ed asked. He sent a glare to the backseat of the car.

"Hey it all happened fast. I was playing the part of 'innocent jogger stretching' and he came out of his place. He was looking around, talking on his cell. He hailed a cab and I jogged across the street like it was no thing, and he froze. He looked at the van, looked at Garrison, looked at me..."

"Why didn't he-" Ed shook his head, not wanting to talk anymore.

"Why didn't he come around the corner to you like we thought?" Nina said for him. She gave a shrug. "Don't know. Guess he was going somewhere else instead."

"She did it by the book," Van Buren backed Nina up. "Lew shot before anyone knew what was happening. Lucky he's a lousy shot and got a tree. Missed this mailman here by a few feet." She looked him up and down, smiling a bit. "What's your story?"

"Didn't see?" His speech was getting worse, as was the pain in his mouth. Someone handed him a towel wrapped around an ice pack and he set it to his chin.

"No, too much going on at once."

Ed looked around, but couldn't see the old woman anywhere. He shook his head. "2-7. Make him talk." Spit.

"You're spitting blood," Van Buren stated, staring at the ground. He shrugged and shook his head to let her know it was okay. "No. You're going to the ER. Don't give me that look! You are in no shape to interrogate anyone. Go to the hospital." He narrowed his eyes and looked over at Nina.

"Guess I'm driving," Nina said. He gave a small nod, and went to their sedan and pulled the passenger side door open, but he realized he'd lost his hat. He liked that hat. It was his undercover hat. He walked a block back to where the assault had taken place and found his hat still sitting on the ground. He bent over, pain shooting through his back.

He grumbled and picked the hat up. He beat it against his thigh twice to knock off the dirt, then fixed it back on his head. Nina had pulled the car up. He got in next to her and flipped the visor down as she drove off. He inspected himself in the mirror. His face was smeared with dirt, and under the now bloody rag and ice pack was a large concrete burn on his chin.

"You look like hell," she glanced at him. "Can't wait to see you explain this to the doc." He shook his head. "You're bleeding in multiple places, including your mouth, you're limping...you're going to the ER."

He didn't respond, but kept examining his face. He also had a cut along his cheek and forehead. He put his ice pack on his lap and carefully took his jacket off. He grimaced as he rolled his shirt up and looked at his stomach and sides. Bruises were already evident. He looked at his arms. His hands were scratched from hitting the pavement, and his elbows were a bit scuffed but okay. They had come to a red light and Nina peered at his side.

"You've got some nasty bruising," she commented. She pushed his shoulder a bit so that he'd lean forward and she looked at his back. "Worse on the back." She put her attention back to the road and drove. "You gotta get looked over, Ed." He grumbled and pulled his shirt back down then sat back. Nina let out a snort of laughter and he gave her a sharp glare. She clamped her lips together. "Sorry. Not funny. I know." Then she laughed again.

"Beauty Queen," he suffered the pain to say.

Ed sat sideways on a hospital gurney in the middle of the ER, and Nina stood at his side. The doc had bandaged him up, and gone for painkillers. Ed ended up with a bandage on his chin, two band-aids on his face, band-aids on his palms, and gauze wrapped around his waist. No broken bones or ribs, several stitches in his chin. And he had medicated cotton balls in his mouth for where he'd badly bitten his tongue, and received stitches. He wasn't in a good mood. Of course, he wasn't in much pain either thanks to the drugs he'd already received.

"You're gonna be fine," Nina told him again. "Just think, you get to go home."

"I don't want to go home," he said. But because of the cotton and swelling, it came out, "Ah dunbuna gum." Nina bit her lip to try to not to laugh, but her laughs won over. Ed glared at her.

"I'm sorry, Ed...it's just..." she shook her head laughing. "I love my job sometimes." He used his hand to give her an easy un-garbled message. Her laughter subsided as the doctor came back.

"Okay Detective Green. I'm giving you a two weeks supply of Vicoden for the pain. Change your band-aids and bandages daily. I want to see you in five days to see how your chin is healing. As far as your mouth goes," the doctor handed him a paper bag. "More cotton balls and ointment in there. Don't use anything else, this stuff is what won't kill you if ingested. Do the cotton balls as needed, but for today keep them in for the next five or six hours. The stitchings will disintegrate on their own."

"Whbuaing?" Ed asked. Then he remembered he couldn't talk and growled in annoyance. Nina glanced at the doctor.

"I think he wants to know what he should do about eating," she explained.

"You can eat later. You want to give your mouth some time to start healing. I suggest if you can bear to eat later, eat something simple. Mashed potatoes or a warm soup. Anything too hot won't feel great, so Popsicle's and ice cream will be better." The doctor finished jotting notes on Ed's file and handed him all the medicines. "And limit your talking for now. It'll help." Then the doc was gone.

"I'll drive you home," Nina said. She eased Ed off the bed.

"Ah nebba tuhsew," Ed said as Nina pulled out of the parking garage.

"You need a tub of stew?" She asked, puzzled. He gave her a look. "Oh, you need to go to the 2-7. No, Van Buren's talking to Lew." She watched as he made a phone motion with his hand, then made a loose fist and waved it a bit. Cell phone and keys. "Gotcha. Okay, we'll go get your stuff, then you're going home." Unlike Ed, Nina had remembered to grab her stuff from the surveillance van, so she had her cell phone. She handed it to him. "Dial your woman's number and I'll tell her what happened." He nodded and dialed Olivia's cell phone number, then handed the phone back to Nina.

"Hey Benson, this is Cassidy...yea. Look, don't be worried, but Ed had some trouble today...yea he's fine, just a little bruised...oh this old-" Ed elbowed Nina and shook his head. "Right...no, he's fine. He got beat up a bit and needed some stitches in his mouth so he can't really talk right now. I'm taking him back to the station to grab his things, then I'm dropping him home for the rest of the day. He just wanted you to know...uh-huh...I'll tell him. Right." She hung up and glanced at Ed.

"She says she'll come over as soon as she gets off of work." Ed nodded and glared out the window. He didn't want to go home. He wanted to interrogate Lew and he wanted to be able to talk.

They walked into the 2-7, and Ed could tell by the faces on his coworkers that they all heard about the beating he received from SuperGranny. He walked past them all, head held high, and claimed his belongings. "Hey Green, next time let us know about the match so we can place bets!" Someone called. He ignored it. Van Buren appeared at his side.

"Lew started talking as soon as McCoy showed up, it's done. You okay?" He nodded. "If you can't come in tomorrow, don't worry about it. Just..." he looked at her and saw her stifle a laugh. "Just get better." Then she shuffled off. Nina came to his side.

"You ready?" She asked. He pulled his pad and pen out and flipped it open.

"Stop telling people," he wrote in angry letters.

"I didn't!"

"Keep it quiet," he wrote.

"Fine, fine, can we go?" She waved him forward and Ed headed for the door with her, then turned back and faced the entire squad with his hands raised.

"Ehbnahuny! Ahdih muhjuhb!" Then he spun on his heal and thundered off. Nina turned to the squad and raised her hands in a mockingly serious way, and clarified.

"It's not funny, he did his job," she said, then followed him out. Bellows of laughter echoed behind them.

Olivia was standing and watching through the two-way mirror. Fin was at her side as Elliott spoke to a suspect who they were all doubting more and more as it went on. She glanced at the clock. "Everything okay?" Fin asked.

"I think. Apparently Ed got into something and went home injured."

"You wanna take off?"

"No. I'm told he's fine."

"What do you think?" He asked, with a nod at the interrogation.

"I think he wants us to think it's him, but it's not. He's..." she shrugged. "Crazy."

"My thoughts exactly," Elliott said as he emerged from the room. "What now?"

"Go back to the vic's brother, see what else he can tell us," Olivia suggested.

"Liv, I'll go with Elliott. Munch won't be back from court anytime soon. Go check on him," Fin said.

"On who?" Elliott asked, looking between them.

"Green got injured," Fin supplied.

"What? Liv, go. We've got it. Don't worry about Cragen, we'll cover."

Olivia gave in and gathered her things. "Call me if you need me, I mean it," she told them. They nodded and she left.

When she got to Ed's apartment, she knocked, then let herself in. Ed was sitting on the couch, very pissed off. She looked him over and frowned. "You okay?" He looked at her, his anger fading, and nodded. He leaned forward and picked up the pen and pad that he'd kept with him since leaving work.

"Can't talk," he wrote. Olivia set her things down and sat beside him. She put a hand on his back and peered at his bandages.

"You look rough, what happened?"

"Don't ask," he wrote.

"Okay. You gonna live?" He nodded. He pointed to his band-aids to prove that they were small cuts, then peeled the bandage over his chin slightly to let her see. She made a face and nodded. "Nice one," she said. He lifted his shirt to show her the gauze around his waist.

"Bruishes," he mumbled. She nodded and pulled his shirt back down and gave him a comforting smile.

"Poor you," she said. She rubbed his back. He grabbed the pen and paper.

"We had plans tonight," he wrote.

"Don't worry about it. We'll go out when you feel better." Ed nodded, but he didn't like it. They had been back together for a month and he planned on being romantic about it. He had told her that morning that they were going out, unless work intervened, and it was a surprise.

"Sohy," he mumbled.

"Don't apologize," she said. "What can I do for you?" He thought about it, then smiled. He tapped his cheek. "I don't understand," she said with a smile. He looked at her knowing good and well she understood. He took her chin and ran his thumb over her lips, then tapped his band-aided cheek again. He gave her the sad eyes and she laughed. "Oh, I see." She leaned forward and kissed his cheek gently, then kissed him at the band-aid over his eye. He moved his face and her lips brushed over his. His arm went for her waist and he ignored the pain as he pulled her close. She pulled away from him. "Careful," she warned. "I can't exactly kiss you with cotton in your mouth and stitches in your tongue." He rolled his eyes and pulled her over more. She leaned against him and his arm slowly went over her shoulders. She tucked her feet up under her and set a hand to his chest lightly so not to hurt him. "Just think, we can sit here and we don't have to talk. Lucky you," she teased. He chuckled and nodded. She grabbed the remote and flipped on the television. "If the guys call I'll have to go back to work, but for now I'll hang out."

"Deinghubba?" He asked. She glanced up at him with raised eyebrows.

"Not only can I not interpret that, but I'm not trying."

"Kennedy Oliver at your service. Night or day, choose your way."

"I can only hope that you say these things because you know I'm calling and not because it's how you always answer your phone," Bobby stated.

"Well, my love, it depends on which boyfriend is calling me. But I do save my best lines for you," she explained. He smiled and touched a Happy Meal toy she'd left on his desk one day. It wasn't his thing to have her picture framed on his desk, but the toy was a wonderful reminder for him.

"You are a strange woman Kennedy Oliver," he told her.

"And you love me for it."

"Yes, I believe I do."

"So, how's your case going?" She asked. "I assume you're at a standstill."

"Why would you say that?"

"Because during the work day you call me when you're at a standstill on your case, at lunch, or when you have no case. You have a case, you called me for one minute at lunch two hours ago. So I assume-"

"Smart ass," he said softly. "For your information, I was calling to pass on gossip. But if you're going to-"

"Gossip?"

He laughed, knowing that would get her. "You busy?" He asked.

"No. Zack's turn to clean the bus, so I'm chillin."

"Word has it that the 2-7 had some action earlier. They were doing a surveillance grab on a perp and it got a little crazy. In all the commotion, an old lady thought Ed was a street punk chasing down innocent Detective Cassidy and the lady beat Ed up. With her walker." He stopped and waited. Silence replied.

"For real?" She finally asked.

"For real," he nodded. "Bruised up his back and arms, cuts on his face, stitches in his chin and tongue.." And then Kennedy burst out laughing. Bobby grinned. "Yes, that's what everyone's been saying."

"Thank you for calling me," she kept laughing. "Oh, Bobby, let's go to your place after work. Please? I gotta see him so I can pick on him."

"Okay," he said. "I'm not sure when I'll get out tonight, but I'll call you and we'll meet."

"Wonderful. Love you."

"Mmm, me too," he replied. He hung up and shook his head, still smiling. He caught his partner staring at him. "What?"

"Nothing," she smiled.

"Why are you smiling?"

"No reason," she answered.

"Right." He went back to his notes and read them yet again, looking for something he might have missed.

"You are so far gone," Alex finally said. When he looked up at her to respond, she was reading through her own notes. He let it go. After all, she was right.


	32. Needing You

**Needing You**

The next morning, Ed came to consciousness by the pain in his muscles and mouth. He let out a groan, not wanting to even open his eyes. He reached out a hand to Olivia, wanting to be comforted, but she wasn't beside him. He slowly let his eyes ease open and looked around. Just as he was thinking about calling for her, she came in the door with a cup.

"Morning," she greeted him. She sat at his side. "How ya feeling?" He groaned again, probably adding a little more misery to it than needed. She smiled and moved the cup to him. "I made you iced coffee. It'll probably feel better than hot coffee."

Though it hurt, he smiled at her. "Thanks," he said in a horse whisper. Talking still hurt. He grimaced at the quick shot of pain.

"Here," she held one of his Vicoden to his mouth and he took it, then she gave him a sip of his cold coffee. He preferred his coffee hot, the way it was supposed to be, but the cold did feel good on his mouth.

"Are you going to be okay today? I have to go in."

He shook his head and reached for his pad of paper on his side table. "No, be my nurse," he jotted down quickly.

"You don't need me to be your nurse, you're fine. At least you will be once your drug kicks in."

"Don't go," he wrote. He even put on a frown for good measure. She smiled at him and leaned in to kiss his forehead.

"Well with you always getting suspended or hurt and missing work, one of us has to bring home the bacon."

He laughed on the inside, knowing it would hurt to laugh for real. "I don't need bacon," he wrote. He flipped the page and added, "Just you."

"I'm sorry, really. I have to go in. We're down to the wire on this case, Casey is flipping out left and right. You don't know her, Ed. She's a force to be reckoned with." He took the iced coffee from her and drank some more of it, his mouth finally numbing up a bit. "I will try to stop by for a minute during lunch, but if you need anything just call my cell." He raised an eyebrow at her, clearly asking how he was supposed to call if it hurt to speak. "I am sure in an hour or so you'll be feeling well enough to talk, and if not, just send me a text." He nodded, but still wasn't happy about it. "I have to get ready," she said. She went to his closet where she kept a few outfits and pulled some clothes out. He closed his eyes and rested a bit longer.

His chin was starting to itch under it's bandage, but the bruises on his torso weren't aching much, thanks to the Vicoden. His cell phone started beeping and he picked it up. A text message from his partner.

"The guys r building a ring 4 ur next match."

He rolled his eyes and wrote back quickly, "Don't break a nail, beauty queen."

The phone rang in Kennedy's apartment very early. Bobby groaned as Kennedy slid from the bed and went to the living room to find her cell phone. He rolled over and went back to sleep, but was awoken only moments later. Kennedy was suddenly awake and moving around her bedroom. He opened an eye and watched her. "What?" He asked, closing his eye back. "Thought you were off today."

"I am. Something's come up," she answered shortly. He opened his eyes again and sat up this time.

"What?" He watched as she threw a couple pairs of jeans and some t-shirts into a duffel bag. She pulled on her EMT sweats and a pair of sneakers.

"Nothing," she told him. She went into the bathroom to throw more things into her bag, then came out. She walked over to the bed and kissed his forehead quickly. "Have a good day at work, love. I'll be back in a few days."

"You'll what?" He asked.

"I'll call you." She pulled out her wallet and flipped through it, making sure she had her credit card.

"What do you mean you'll be back in a few days?"

"It's nothing."

"Who was on the phone Kennedy?" He asked. He was now out of bed and half dressed.

"Jon." She left the bedroom and he followed.

"Jon. Jon who? Your cousin? The one in California?"

"Yea," she nodded. She grabbed a water bottle and apple from the kitchen.

"Is he okay?"

"I'll call you," she got her jacket and gave him another quick kiss. "Love you," she called as she was out the door. Bobby was left standing with his mouth hanging open. He could have chased her, but he wasn't completely dressed. Instead he got a shower and changed, then left her apartment. He tried calling her on her cell, but she wasn't picking up. He went home and got proper work clothes on, then headed to the office early. All the while trying to call her. He gave up on her and called Zack instead.

"Yo," Zack answered.

"Zack, this is Bobby. Tell me about Jon."

"Jon...oh. Don't know much, buddy. That's one of the parts of Ken's life she doesn't share. The only thing I do know is that every so often she gets these calls from him and goes to where ever he is right away."

"He called this morning and she's gone," Bobby said.

"Don't worry about her, she always comes back after a few days or a week."

"And you don't know his address or phone number? Last name? Anything?"

"Sorry, can't help you."

"Thanks Zack," he said. He hung up and tapped his pen on his desk. He was unsure of what to do next. Aside from getting a hold of her credit card number, maybe contact the airline, to find out if she got a flight to California, he didn't think there was much he could do. And he wasn't sure he wanted to breach her trust by checking up on her like that.

The rest of Ed's day was very boring. By lunchtime he felt good enough to get out of bed and find some food, then sit down on the couch. At random moments he was speaking out loud to himself or the empty apartment, just to see if it hurt. When Bobby came home, Ed was moving around and talking. Not talking a lot, but not using his notepad either. Ed realized something was up with Bobby, who had been pretty quiet.

"What's up?" He asked.

Bobby looked up from his book. "Hmm?"

"What's going on?"

"Oh. Nothing. Kennedy left town for a few days."

"Where to?"

"I don't know for sure. I think California. She has a cousin out there and I guess he needed to see her."

"Oh," Ed nodded. Bobby's cell phone went off at that and he pulled it from his pocket. By the speed in which he got up and went to his room, Ed guessed it was Kennedy calling. A light knock came at the door. He went over and opened it.

"Hey," Olivia smiled at him. "You're up."

He nodded with a smile. "And talking."

"Oh no," she rolled her eyes playfully. "And here I thought I'd get to come over and visit in silence."

"Shut up," he said, pulling her in and pushing the door closed.

"So you're feeling better?"

"I am. I think I'll live."

"Thank God."

"Dinner?" He asked.

"Please."

It had been a long five days and Bobby didn't care to move from his spot on the couch. The one bright side of Kennedy being out of town was that he and Ed were hanging out, just the two of them. Neither could remember the last time they sat around with some dinner and hung out. They were both laughing at something on TV when Bobby's cell phone rang. He looked at the caller ID and smiled.

"Hello," he answered.

"Hi love," Kennedy replied. Bobby got up and walked off to his room.

"How was your day?" He asked her.

"It was okay, I missed you."

"I missed you too," he said. "You should come home."

"I should, shouldn't I?"

"Yes."

"Tell me why."

"Because I miss you."

She laughed softly. "You already said that."

"Because I don't like you not being here."

"And?"

"And I love you."

"Mmm, that's all I needed to hear," she said.

"Then come home. Please. Don't make me beg."

"Oh I think I'd like to hear you beg."

"No, you wouldn't."

"Fine then. I have an idea on how to make you miss me less."

"What's that?"

"Meet me at my apartment in thirty minutes."

"What?"

"I'm in a cab, Bobby, my flight just landed."

He was already to his feet, going for his shoes and coat. "Why didn't you say something sooner? I'm on my way."

"I can't wait to see you," she said.

Bobby clipped his phone shut and went to the living room. "Is it alright if I-"

"She home?" Ed asked. Bobby nodded and Ed grinned. "Go, go on." As soon as Bobby was gone, Ed picked up his phone and called Olivia.

"Hi," she answered.

"What's up?"

"Having dinner with Elliott and Casey."

"Why?"

"Because you said you were having boys night. The three of us were all hungry and depressed about the scum bag getting off, so-"

"But boys night is over," he whined.

"So soon?" On the other end, Olivia was getting looks from her dining mates. "Sorry," she whispered to them. She said to Ed, "I'm being rude, can I call you back when we're done eating?"

"You could come here when you're done eating."

"I could, couldn't I? I'll call you when we leave."

Bobby let himself into Kennedy's apartment and found that she had beat him home. This he found by the fact that as soon as the door was open, she was flying down the hall and jumping onto him. Her arms wrapped around his neck and her legs went around his waist and he whipped out his arms to catch her.

"Oomph," he said. Then he grinned and hugged her. "Hi," he said.

"Ssh," she said snuggling her face into his neck. He obliged and they just remained that way for awhile. When his arms got tired, he gently eased her to her feet and pushed the door shut behind him. She set her hands to his face and looked up at him. "I missed you."

"And I missed you," he replied. He bent down to kiss her. "So much," he said before taking another kiss.

"I have a gift for you," she said. She pulled away and went to her bedroom. Bobby followed and sat down on her bed. She pulled a small package wrapped in brown paper from her duffel bag and handed it to him. She sat at his side. "Open, open." He nodded and opened it. It was a book. A very old edition, hardback copy, of _To Kill A Mockingbird_. He smiled and looked at her.

"Good book," he said.

"I've always thought so," she nodded. She grinned. "I got it at this wonderful old bookstore near Jon's apartment. You'd love that bookstore."

He set the book down carefully and pulled her into his arms and lay down with her. "I guess you'll have to take me sometime."

"Will I?"

"Mm-hmm. Cause you're not leaving again. Not unless I can go, too."

"We'll see."

"No. I won't let you go if I can't go," he said a bit more seriously. "I don't like being without you. I know we've gone days without seeing each other before, but five days of you on the other side of the country...I hated it."

"Me too," she said. She put an arm around his middle and closed her eyes. "Alright, next time...you come along."

Then he brought up something that had been bothering him since she left. "I thought you said you and Jon weren't close."

"We're not, really."

"Then why, when he calls, do you jump up and fly across the country to him?"

"Because he's Jon. Because...our relationship is a complicated one. Things weren't always pleasant when I was living with him. I needed a parent, I wanted him to play that role to me, and it wasn't something he could do. I did everything I could to get his attention, to make him parent me, but he just couldn't. We don't keep up on the phone or email, sometimes we forget each other on Christmas...and it doesn't matter. He's Jon, he needs me and I go."

"What did he need?"

She sighed. "Bobby, I don't...I will tell you everything about Jon. I will tell you everything about my life with him...but not tonight. Tonight, I just want to be here with you."

"Okay," he said. "Another time."

"Thank you." He kissed her forehead. "Next time I'll take you, but only if you let me buy you a Hawaiian print t-shirt, flip flops, and board shorts."

He laughed. "Anything you want, just as long as I'm with you."


	33. Secrets End

**Secrets End**

Ed took a sip of his coffee and flinched slightly, then went back to the form he was filling out. Nina had noticed. "I thought you said you were good as new," she said.

"I am," he answered. "The hot coffee...still a little much."

"Then don't drink it."

"Not an option," he shook his head.

"Least your chin's growing back," she teased.

He ignored the intention of the joke and nodded. "Tell me about it, I feel like I haven't shaved in a week."

"You haven't."

"Oh, right."

"Hey Green, you've got someone asking for you downstairs but she refuses to come up," a uniform said, standing over Ed's desk.

"Yea? Who is she?"

"Don't know," the guy shrugged and walked away. Ed stood up and grabbed his jacket.

"Guess I'll be back," he said. He went downstairs and was pointed outside. When he walked out the door, he looked around but didn't notice anyone.

"Detective Green," a soft voice said at his side. He turned to face a young woman, she appeared to be in her early twenties.

"Yes," he held out a hand and she shook it.

"My name's Bailey. I need...I..." he noticed that she was shaking. Her hands fumbled around her neck nervously, then she clamped them together tightly. She closed her eyes and breathed, then opened them again. "I saw your name in the paper. I mean, I saw it several times, but recently I saw it and-" He put a hand to her elbow.

"Slow down there, Bailey. It's okay, just relax," he said. She nodded and tried to talk slower.

"I saw that you were suspected in the death of P-Paul J-j-j..." she bit her lip. "I didn't know your friend, but I'm sorry."

"What's this about?" He asked gently.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry they..." she fumbled at her neck again and tugged at a purple silky scarf. She slid it off and Ed saw a large pale scar running from under one ear across to the middle of her neck. "In a way I was lucky he used a knife," she said with her eyes to the ground. She quickly righted the scarf to hide the scar and met his eyes.

"He did that to you?" Ed asked. Bailey nodded. "I'm sorry."

"No...don't...that's not why I came to see you. I came to apologize. For not...for it not happening sooner...for you to be...suspected. It...wasn't supposed to go that way." She glanced around nervously. "I have to go." She turned to flee, but he grabbed her by the arm.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm not saying...I just..."

"Did you-"

"No, _I_ didn't...I don't..."

"But you know." The look she had in her eyes made him know the answer. "Okay, I don't want to hear," he shook his head and sighed. "I don't ever want to hear."

"Okay," she nodded.

"And you can't be seen around," he told her.

"I know." He held her gaze for a while and saw the fear and innocence in her, one stolen by Paul Johnson and one created by him. "Wait," he said, stopping her once more. He pulled his wallet from his back pocket and shuffled through it for a certain card. "If anything ever...if you need this..." he handed her Kim's card. "This woman is a lawyer. You call her and tell her I gave you her number, and she'll get in touch with me." Bailey nodded and slid the card into her pocket. "And there...are numbers you can call. You know? Victims support."

"I know," she nodded. "I've been dealing for a long time. Bye. Thank you."

"I-I feel wrong just letting you leave like this."

"I'll be fine. I've been fine. I have my family. I just needed...to meet you. Apologize." She turned to leave again and he shook his head.

"Wait, no." He went for his pocket and pulled out his own card. "Take this. Just take it. If you need to use it, just call."

"But that's...what if-"

"Hey Bailey, there's nothing wrong here. I'm just trying to help one of the victim's I couldn't. Nothing wrong with that." He went inside, trying to assure himself that it was really that innocent and that anyone would believe it.

When he got back to his desk he sat down, but couldn't focus on his paperwork. He picked up his phone and dialed a number quickly. "Hey," Olivia answered.

"What're you doing?"

"About to go to the M.E.'s lab with Elliott."

"Time for lunch?"

"No, I can't."

Ed let out a frustrated breath. "Five minutes for a coffee?"

"Only if you meet us at the lab."

"Hot dog stand out front in twenty minutes?"

"Okay, make it fast."

Ed hung up and glanced at Nina. "I'm taking a quick lunch, bring something back for you?"

She nodded without looking up. "If you're getting hot dogs, I'll take my usual."

"Call if something comes up," he said, jumping up and running off.

Somehow he made it to there in twenty minutes. Just as he walked up to the stand, Elliott and Olivia were ordering coffees. "Hey," Olivia noticed him.

"Hi," he greeted them both. He handed Elliott a few bucks. "Can you get me a dog with catsup and relish and a Diet Coke?" He took Olivia's arm and started walking away with her.

"What is up with you?" She asked, trying not to spill her coffee everywhere.

"Tell me something..." he stopped walking when they were far enough out of Elliott's earshot. "If you knew someone...a victim. Who was badly hurt. And you know...not know. Say it's just...a long shot...that they may know something, you know? But you didn't know? What would you do?"

"First ask me that in a way I understand," she said.

He took a breath. "If you had a victim, and they might know something about the person that victimized them being...hurt for it...what would you do?"

"You mean someone going after their attacker? I'd have sympathy for them and their pain, but..." she shook her head. "There'd be no excuse for it. Why? One of your murder vics come back to life and kill their killer?"

He ignored that. "But say...say the vic just knows something about it. Didn't do it."

"Ed, what's this about?"

"I can't tell you." He looked at her and she looked at him, and she nodded.

"What do you feel you should do?"

"Like you said...no excuse for it. Under normal circumstances."

"And not normal?" She asked.

He shrugged. "Doesn't matter, right? Just talking hypothetical."

"Hypothetical...well hypothetically, be careful how you step. Things were wrapped up for you, but something like this..."

"Something like nothing."

"So why'd we meet?" She asked, erasing the previous conversation.

"So you'll tell me I did the right thing."

She squeezed his arm and gave him a small smile. "You're a damned idiot who likes to skirt the line..." her voice dropped above a whisper, "and you did the right thing. Next time...don't. From now on, you stay in the lines."

He nodded and put his hand to her hip. "I can do that...now that I've got something to lose." he dropped a quick kiss the her forehead. "Okay, my five minutes are up, go play now."

She laughed as they walked back towards Elliott. "Play, right. I wish."

"Bad case?"

"Aren't they always?" She asked in the voice she always got during the really bad cases. They reached Elliott. Elliott handed Ed the food.

"Thanks. And thanks for the five minutes."

"No problem, but we do have to run," Elliott said.

"Okay," Olivia nodded and glanced at Ed. "Call you tonight?"

"Yea," he nodded. He watched them go, then headed back to the 2-7.

Over the following weeks, Ed pushed the visit from Bailey from his mind and made himself forget her. He and Olivia never mentioned it, and no one ever asked who the mysterious girl asking to see him had been. He felt great. There was no trace of his injuries from the fateful day he met NinjaGranny, and he and Nina had been on a good streak in solving their cases. The best part of his life, was that everything was perfect between him and Olivia. He got to see her every other day or so, and they spent their weekends together as much as possible. He was truly happy for the first time in so long, and all his fears and doubts were just shadows in his mind. He wasn't even bothered one day when his partner called in sick.

A nasty twenty-four hour bug had been going around, and she was the next victim. He was able to get out of work at a decent hour that day, so he stopped at a diner and bought some chicken soup to take to Nina. He got to her apartment and knocked on the door. When she opened it he looked her over. She had an old robe on over ratty pajama's, bad bed hair, and a box of tissues in her hand. She looked horrible.

"Hi-achew!" She turned from him to sneeze. She grabbed a tissue and wiped at her nose. He held out the container.

"For you," he said.

"Thanks," she mumbled. "Can't keep it down, but thanks." A toilet flushed somewhere in the apartment. Ed raised an eyebrow and peered in.

"Sick, huh?"

"I am, that's a-uh-friend. Came to check on me."

He smiled. "The same 'friend' that's been taking you out for dinners the past couple months?"

With no energy to retort, she said, "Bye, Green. Thanks for the soup." Then she shut the door in his face. He shook his head with a smile and left the building. He glanced at his watch then pulled out his cell phone.

"Hello."

"Hey baby," he said warmly. "You leave work yet?"

"Just got home," she said.

"Want company?"

"No. But _you're_ welcome to come over," she said, then hung up.

Nina pushed the door closed on her partner and put the soup in the kitchen. She trudged back to her room slowly. "Who was that?" A voice asked her.

"Partner. Soup," she pointed to the kitchen.

"Want me to bring some in for you?"

"No," she said. The man stepped out of the bathroom and stood in front of her. She put her face to his chest and groaned.

"Okay, get into bed." He guided her to the bed and she lay down. "I think this is the only time I'm trying to get you into bed with clean intentions," he kidded.

"Thank you," she said. "Stay awhile?"

He nodded. "Sure thing, just call me _Dr._ Mike Logan," he grinned.


	34. Transformers And Love

**Transformers And Love**

At lunch time that same day, Bobby wasn't able to get a break, so he took a moment to call Kennedy. "Happy Birthday," he said when she answered.

She groaned. "Bobby, I told you this morning...shut up."

"But it's your birthday."

"And you suck for going behind my back to find that out. You know that I don't celebrate my birthday. People don't even know, okay? Well, Zack and Liv do, but they both honor my respects. Especially Zack, he learned the hard way one year after he tried giving me a cake. Even my cousin Jon, him and I don't do birthdays either."

"What's wrong with cake?"

"Nothing. Long as it's not a birthday cake."

"Fine, alright. You win," he sighed. "So your friends never give you gifts or cards?"

"Nope. It's just the day I was born. I'm used to not celebrating. It's not how I was raised."

"Okay, have it your way. I'll talk to you tonight?"

"Yes."

He hung up and started tapping his pen to his desk while he thought. "Everything okay?" Alex asked. He nodded, barely hearing her.

Bobby was able to leave work and go to Kennedy's apartment before she got home. He let himself in and waited for her to come home. When she did, she stepped in glancing around. "Love, you here?"

"Yes," he said. He walked out of the kitchen to her. She peered into the kitchen and saw her small table set with candles and plates.

"What are you doing?"

"We have a date."

"No," she groaned.

"I get it," he told her. "Your family stopped celebrating birthdays once your mom got sick, and you've kept up with it. But I don't know why. Cause you're the kind of person that would like things like this. And I think you're still angry about your childhood and missing out on birthdays, so you keep ignoring it."

"Nice evaluation," she muttered.

"Aren't you hungry?"

"Yes," she admitted, her tummy grumbling at the good smell in the apartment. She headed for the kitchen. "I could strangle you."

"After we eat," he told her. He pulled a chair out for her and she sat. Then he turned and gathered two plates and brought them to the table. He set them down and she grinned up at him.

"Belgin waffles!"

"With strawberries and whipped cream, just like they should be," he told her. He sat beside her, looking very proud of himself.

"You are beautiful," she picked up her fork. He laughed and waited for her to start eating before he did. He watched her take her first bite and roll her eyes up in delight.

"Oh, this is good!" She ate more. "Did you make this? What's in it?" He ran a finger over her lips, wiping away a smudge of whipped cream.

"My secret."

"I love it."

"I'm glad." After they were finished, Bobby began clearing the table. "Don't turn around," he told her. He put the plates in the sink, then pulled a small box from the fridge. He opened it up and put a candle in it, then brought it to the table. He put it in front of Kennedy. She stared at it then looked up at him.

"You got me a Transformers cake?" He noticed the hint of tears in her eyes as she smiled. "You got me a Transformers cake," she repeated. He smiled and nodded, then sat down. He pulled a present from under the table and put it on her lap. "A present?"

"Just open it." She did as she was told, and pulled the paper back. She gasped.

"Bobby." She shook her head and closed her eyes, then opened them again. "A Skip-It?" She was still smiling.

"Blue," he nodded.

She looked at her cake and her Skip-It. "You remembered," she said. The two things she had wanted for her ninth birthday, the one that never came.

"I remember everything you say, Kennie." He put a hand to her cheek. "From now on, we celebrate your birthday."

She nodded. "Every year...I kept hoping for my cake and my Skip-It," she said. "And...they never...it..." she let the toy fall to the floor as got up. She climbed into his lap, facing him, and put her hands on either side of his face. "You're amazing." She tilted his head back and kissed him. His hands went to the small of her back, pulling her close. She released him from the kiss and pressed her lips to his forehead and cheeks, then stared into his eyes. "Thank you," she whispered.

"You are welcome," he replied with a small smile. He wiped the tears from her cheeks. She kissed him again. "Okay, blow out the candle before it's gone." She turned around, and he held her hips as she blew out the candle. Then he grabbed a fork and took a fork full of cake from the corner and sat back. She faced him again and raised an eyebrow. He held the fork to her mouth, so she opened her lips and he fed her. She chewed and smiled.

"Mmm." She held his eyes with her own, seeing pure lust in his gaze. It made her smile more. She liked that look. She took the fork from him and turned to get another bite. She held it close to his mouth, and when he tried to bite the fork, she pulled it away. He gasped at her and she laughed. She held the fork out again. He wasn't a fool. He gripped her wrist tightly and ate the cake before she could take it away. "Hey!" She exclaimed. He laughed, then swept a finger through the cake and held it out to her. "I am not licking your finger," she told him. He popped her on the nose, leaving the glob of frosting behind. "Punk!" She turned to grab some frosting on her fingers, and as she did, he hoisted her up and stood. He began walking while holding her at his waist. She wrapped her legs around him. "What are you doing?" His reply was more grinning. She ate the cake from her fingers as he walked into the bedroom and kicked the door shut.

He sat on the bed, holding onto her and staring at her. "I don't say this straight out enough, but I love you," he said.

"Bobby, you don't have to tell me. I see it when you look at me...I feel it when you speak to me...and when you touch me..." He was intensely focused on every word she said. "Everything is perfect."

"Happy Birthday," he whispered. Her words were just conformation that he was truly happier than he'd ever been before.

"Thank you," she barely replied before he kissed her again.


	35. You Found Me

You Found Me

"_And I was hiding  
'til you came along,  
and showed me where I belong.  
You found me  
when no one else was lookin'.  
How did you know?  
How did you know?  
_

_You found me  
when no one else was lookin'.  
How did you know just where I would be?  
Yeah, you broke through  
all of my confusion,  
the ups and the downs,  
and you still didn't leave.  
I guess that you saw what nobody could see,  
you found me."_

_Kelly Clarkson _

The following morning, Olivia and Ed were sitting in her room drinking coffee and being lazy. "So what's the plan for today?" He asked her. He was sitting up in bed beside her, coffee cup in one hand, her fingers twined through his other.

"We have brunch plans with Bobby and Kennedy." Her thumb brushed around his palm and her fingertips traced the curves of his fingers.

He nodded, then glanced at her. "Since when are we the kind of people that do brunch?" He grinned.

"I like being that kind of people. It makes us look normal."

"What's normal?" He brought the back of her hand against his lips.

"No clue," she laughed and let her finger rub the stubble on his face. He closed his eyes briefly, enjoying the moment, then opened his eyes and playfully closed his teeth over her knuckle.

"Hey!" She cried, yanking her hand away.

He laughed and grinned again, then set his mug down and stretched his long arms above his head. "Okay. Well I have an errand I have to run. How about we leave early and just walk around?"

"Sounds good."

Once they got up and dressed for the day, they left her apartment. "So where do you need to go?"

"Nowhere," he answered. He took her hand and led her towards the subway. When they got to their stop, he walked them to a storefront and held the door open for her. She stared at him with a laugh.

"Bed Bath And Beyond?" She asked.

"Yea, something you should know about me.." he said slowly. "I buy new sheets every four months."

"You what?" They walked into the store and started milling around.

"I like new sheets. They're comfortable."

"What about nice cotton sheets that have been washed a few dozen times?"

He shook his head. "New sheets."

"You're weird."

He grinned. "I'll let you pick them out."

"Exciting," she rolled her eyes. He stopped and picked up a blue and green throw pillow. She watched him examine it, then laughed. "It is so sad that you get into this stuff more than me." He laughed as well, and put the pillow down.

"Come on," he started walking down an aisle. They got to the middle of the store, a large open area, and he lit up. "Ooh, now that's what I need." He stepped over to a gorgeous black metal sleigh bed that was made up nicely with black, gray, white, and red sheets and pillows. He wrapped his hands around the end of the bed and looked it over. Olivia stepped to his side.

"What the bedding or the bed?"

"The bed. Look at it."

"It's nice," she nodded, but wasn't too interested.

"Nice? It's a real bed, Liv. Compared to mine, which is over seven years old and nothing but a boring frame and mattress. I bet if I'd had this bed all these years I'd've gotten a lot more-" he stopped and glanced at Olivia who had a raised eyebrow to him. "Sheets," he finished. She nodded and let it slide.

"Alright, I'm with you, it's a great bed." She pulled up the price tag. "For a great price." She put a hand through his arm. "Come on, let's go look for your sheets." He was still focused on the bed. He pulled away from her and walked around the side of it.

"And it's got one of those NASA material mattresses, I bet it's nice." He sat down and smiled. "Try it out." He bounced a bit. Olivia rolled her eyes. He reached for her hand and pulled her down.

"Wow, that is a nice mattress," she agreed.

"I should buy this bed," he said. He lay back on it and she lay back beside him.

"Right."

"What? Can't you imagine sleeping in this bed?"

"Hon, you buy this bed and I'd never leave it."

"That's the idea," he replied with a grin. He leaned over and kissed her. They were interrupted by someone clearing their throat. They sat up quickly and saw a nervous looking teenage boy in his store uniform.

"I'm sorry but the furniture is not for..." he shrugged with a blush, but was smiling a bit.

"So sorry," Olivia got up and yanked Ed away from the bed and around a corner. "Nice one."

He laughed as they walked down the aisle of bathroom trash cans. "Kid was just jealous."

* * *

Kennedy awoke in the morning and burrowed into Bobby's arms. He held onto her, barely awake himself. As she started to come out of her fog and waken more, she felt an odd weight. Something wasn't right. She sat still and realized something was different with her hand. She opened her heavy eyes and brought her hand up. Her vision cleared fast.

"Huh?" She asked.

"Mm?" He mumbled.

"What?"

"What?" He answered.

"What's that?"

He raised his head and opened an eye, looked, then lay back down eyes shut. "That'd be your real present."

"How'd it get there?"

"I put it there."

"When? And...why?"

Bobby propped himself up on his arm and looked down at her. "When I woke up and you were still asleep. And because...I want you to marry me," he said simply.

* * *

"I want that bed," Ed said, while they looked over the vast selection of bedsheets.

"Can you afford that bed?" Olivia asked.

"If I use my credit card," he nodded.

"Why do you even need it?"

"I don't. But I want it."

"Fine. Then get it. If you're going to whine about it all day, just buy it." She pulled down dark purple sheets. "I like these."

"They're fine," he nodded and reached for the matching pillow cases. "And I'm not whining about the bed."

"I never knew you were such a woman about these things." She looked at him. He was pouting. "Sorry! Didn't mean to call you a woman." They started walking around the store some more. "But just so you know, if you do get that bed we'll be staying at your place more than mine."

"I figured." They stopped at a knickknack shelf and he started playing with some magnets on a board. "Or we could just move it back and forth every other month, make things more even."

"Yea, you can do the lifting," she rolled her eyes and looked over the shelf.

"Okay, then let's just put it halfway between our places. That way we won't have to worry about who's staying where more."

"Where?" She glanced at him. "Up at the 2-7?"

"Or..." He stepped off from the board where he'd arranged the alphabet letters to spell out _Our own place_.

* * *

Kennedy stared at the diamond ring on her finger. For one of the first times in their entire relationship, she had been speechless for more than five minutes. "M-marry?" She asked.

"Me," he nodded.

"Marry...why?"

He smiled. "Because I love you. There will never be anyone _but_ you."

"How do you know?"

"Because...I just know. Kennie, I'm not perfect...you...you are not perfect. Our relationship has never been perfect...but...it's what I want. You're what I want."

She was watching his eyes closely. "Really?

"Really."

* * *

"As in..." Olivia started. He had her complete attention at that point. He stepped closer to her and stared down at her.

"As in move in together. Buy that bed for a home that we can share."

"And you're-_we're_-ready for that?"

"I don't know, but I've been thinking about it lately. It's past time for me to get out of Bobby's place and find somewhere to live. He doesn't need me around and...I don't know that I want an apartment without you in it."

She put her hand around his arm. "We only got back together two months ago, what if-"

"Forget the what-if's. We stay over at my place or your place often enough, anyway." He stopped, shook his head, and took her hand. "Do you want to live with me?"

* * *

Kennedy was unsure she'd even woken from her dreams. She was staring at the ring again, then glanced back to Bobby. He was starting to look a little scared. "Of course. Yes, I'll marry you," she said. He grinned and leaned down to kiss her. He broke the kiss to let out an excited whoop, then pulled her close again. He rolled back, holding her tight to his chest. She laughed and pulled up, gazing down at him. She tore herself from the moment and opened her mouth. She closed it, then opened it again and asked, "So...would now be an okay time to mention that I'm pregnant?"

* * *

"Yes. I want to live with you," Olivia answered. "I think...our own place would be..." she smiled at his grin. "It'd be wonderful."

"Yea?"

"Yea," she nodded. He slid his arms around her to hug her.

"So should we get the bed?"

"We need somewhere to put it first," she reminded him, as he started pulling her through the store.

"Then we should buy a paper. Start looking through ad's today."

"And you'd need to tell Bobby, and I'd need to see about my lease."

"Details that don't matter right now," he said. They stopped in front of the bed.

"I can't believe you're not running scared," she teased.

"Me either," he admitted. "I should be...and it is a bit scary..." he put an arm comfortably around her waist. "But I want it."

She stared at the pretty bed. "I didn't realize it...but I want it, too."

"What? An place with me, or the bed?"

She shrugged. "The bed...but I'll take you too," she said with a little smile.

* * *

"What?" Bobby asked.

"I'm...er...pregnant," Kennedy said uncertainly. She let go of him and lay back down at his side. He raised himself up and quirked his head at her. He looked down at her stomach then back at her. He reached under the sheet and slid his hand over her stomach. He sat still for awhile as if he were waiting for a kick or some other sign of life to let him know it was true. But then he looked into Kennedy's eyes. She was terrified that he wasn't smiling, or responding in any way, to let her know how he felt. Just the fear he had felt only moments before. But then she noticed that his eyes were gleaming just a bit with moisture.

"We're gonna have a baby?"

"I guess we have to decide. I want to."

His lips slowly began to curl up. "We're gonna have a baby?" He asked a little louder.

She laughed. "We're gonna have a baby."

"We're gonna have a baby!" He stated loudly.

"We're gonna have a baby!" She shouted.

He grinned and hugged her. He kissed her, then lay back and just stared at her with her cheek in his hand. "We're getting married...having a baby...I'm gonna have a family," he said softly.

She ran her hand over his cheek as well and smiled. She felt tears stinging at her eyes. "_We're_ gonna have a family. We both finally get a family."

He kissed her again. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you, too."

"Let's call Ed and cancel brunch. Let's just stay here all day," he suggested.

"No. No I want to go and share the news with them." She smiled and his hand went back to her stomach.

"Okay."

"But first, I want to puke."

* * *

Ed and Olivia sat outside the cafe they were meeting Bobby and Kennedy at. Sitting next to each other at the little outdoor table, they couldn't stop looking at each other and smiling. They were both looking through rental ad's. "This is weird," he said.

"Yea it is," she agreed. "I've never lived with anyone before...at least...not for the reason of just wanting to."

"Me either."

"Ken's gonna freak out."

He laughed. "Yea, but she'll love it. Mind if we don't ever let her know where we live, though?" He jumped as she kicked him under the table. "It was a joke!" She met his eyes. They were both too happy to stop smiling. She leaned over his paper with the pen in her hand, and wrote in the corner of it. He looked down when she leaned back and read it, "MCL." Mad crazy love. He got it right away. He looked at her and nodded.

"Absolutely," he answered.

"Ed! Liv!" They glanced up and saw Kennedy pushing her way to them, with Bobby at her side. They came up to the table and passed around hugs or handshakes, then sat. The table was silent for a full minute, before both women said at the same time, "We have some news."


	36. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

Bobby was lost in his computer and the familiar sounds of the Major Case Squad room around him. The phones ringing, the chatter, the tapping of his partner's keyboard, the elevator giving off with a light _ping_. And then a voice cutting through it all, "Bobby, I'm going to kill you." Words that should worry him, were only too familiar those days. He glanced up and watched Kennedy, very upset, and very pregnant, waddle towards him. He only liked one of those looks.

He jumped from his chair and went to her side, putting an arm around her, "Kennedy, what are you doing here?" He guided her to his desk, where he pulled a chair over for her and eased her down into it.

"The question is what are you doing here?" She retorted, relaxing into the chair. She let out a long happy sigh and closed her eyes a moment as her muscles and bones calmed.

"I'm working," he answered, sitting at his desk.

"It's nearly nine PM," she informed him.

"I'm sorry, I had to work-"

"No," she shook her head.

Alex stood. "Why don't I get you a water," she told Kennedy, more just wanting to get out of the path of the storm.

Kennedy looked back at Bobby. "No," she said again. "Not anymore. I will not tell you this again. You are a husband now, and soon you will be a father. This obsessive working will cease. I know how important your work is to you, but now you have a family. Now, you need to be around."

"Honey, I can't just-"

"Robert Goren! Do you want this baby?" Not only did she use his whole name, but her pointer finger was out in his face.

"Of course I do, but-"

"Because I refuse to give birth to your child if you do not promise me that you will try to change things!"

He smiled a bit, "You do realize that you're going to give birth no matter what?"

Her eyes narrowed. "Try me, buster."

"Alright," he said. "Alright, I will do what I can to not work this late all the time."

"Yes, you will."

"Did you really have to come all the way out here? I told you I don't want you driving. I leave my car at home for emergencies only."

She waved him off. "Oh calm down, I didn't drive."

He gave a sigh of relief. "Good-"

"I took the subway."

"You _what_?!"

"Lower your voice." She rubbed her stomach and shifted in her seat to find more comfort.

"Kennedy! You can't take the subway in your condition! My child will _not_ be born in the subway!"

"I know that! I've got a week to go, and I don't plan on having this kid anywhere but the hospital." Bobby leaned over his desk and rubbed the bridge of his nose, feeling a migraine coming on. Not the first in recent weeks.

"Here you go," Alex said, coming back to the desks. She handed Kennedy a coffee mug of water. "How you feeling?"

Kennedy drank the water then grumbled, "Let me use your gun to shoot your partner, then I'll let ya know." Alex smiled.

"I understand that."

"Oh, no, Alex, I'm not joking," Kennedy said with a serious expression on her face.

"Ken," Bobby objected. Kennedy saw Captain Ross across the room walk into his office and shut the door.

"Up." She ordered, holding a hand out. Bobby ignored her.

"Give me a minute to wrap things up and we'll leave," he said.

"Fine, but still...up."

"What do you need?" He asked.

"Just help me-" she stopped and looked at Alex. "Be a pal, help me up." Alex ignored Bobby's protests and leaned down to help Kennedy stand up from the chair. "Thank you," Kennedy said, before she took a slow wobble towards the Captain's office.

"Kennedy," Bobby called behind her. She ignored him and pounded on Ross' door.

"Come on Danny, I know you're in there! I saw you!" She waited a beat, then knocked again. "Don't make me go into premature labor here in front of your door!" The door slowly opened and Captain Ross stood before her with a wary, reluctant smile.

"Kennedy, how are you? You look beautiful." She pushed past him and went into his office, holding her back.

"Yea if you've got a thing for fat pregnant women, which...hey, whatever floats your boat," she shrugged and turned back around to face him. He looked a bit scared. "We need to chat," she informed him. She walked behind his desk and sat in his chair. "You mind?"

"Not at all," he shook his head and walked over to his desk to sit on the edge of it.

"Now Ross, I've always liked you. You're a strict man, a wise man...and you're kinda handsome, too. Best of all, though, you never let my shithead of a husband get away with anything. I admire that. You challenge him."

Ross nodded, his smile still unsure. "Thank you..."

"But you listen to me." Her eyes narrowed. "I don't care how valuable he is here. I don't care how good he is at what he does. All I care about is that once my kid is born, Bobby be home for dinner. And you are going to see to it. You will make sure he leaves here at a decent hour, you hear?"

The man stuttered and sputtered a bit. "Kennedy, I understand, but you have to understand that-"

"I realize that there will be exceptions, I'm not completely unreasonable. But can we try? Five o'clock? No later than seven? That fair?"

"Very," Ross nodded quickly.

"Thank you. You're a good man, despite what Bobby says. And despite the fact that you're a man," she pointed to her stomach, "men that do _this_." She held onto his desk to help herself up. "I apologize for barging in."

"Don't," he said kindly. "My ex-wife used to get the same way."

She reached his door but turned back with a raised eyebrow. "Get what way?"

"Oh. I, no, I...uh, great to see you Kennedy. Really. We'll-I'll...I have to work." He sat down in his chair and opened a random folder on his desk and pretended to be busy. Kennedy rolled her eyes but let it go. She walked out of the office where Bobby was waiting.

"Kennedy...dear...what did you say to my boss?" Bobby asked carefully.

"I have to pee," she announced, and headed for the bathroom. She went through the door and stopped a moment to catch her breath. Suddenly, she didn't have to pee anymore. She was feeling dizzy and wanted to sit, so she sat. Right there on the bathroom floor. She ignored her wet skirt and closed her eyes. More time than she realized must have passed, because Alex stuck her head in the door.

"Kennedy? Bobby asked me to check-" She glanced down to Kennedy sitting just inside the door, against the wall. "You okay?"

Kennedy didn't open her eyes when she said softly. "I think my water just broke."

* * *

"To the left, no your other left. There, pull up on the right just a bit. A bit more. Just a bit-" 

"Ed!" Olivia snapped.

Ed stood several feet before the couch with a hammer in one hand and two nails in the other, and he was smiling. He was watching her, standing on the couch, holding a new picture to the wall. He didn't really care about it being perfectly even, he was just enjoying the view. "Okay, hold it there." He climbed up on the couch close behind her, and reached his arms around hers to put the nails into the wall, just above where she held the picture. Once the nails were in the wall they both lifted the picture and set it onto the nails. Olivia's arms fell to her side as she looked at their new artwork, Ed's arms fell to her waist as he put his lips to her neck.

"Do you always have to think about that?" She asked with a laugh.

"Yes," he answered.

"Stop," she smiled, wriggling from his grasp. He let go of her and jumped from the couch, then held her hand as she stepped down. They both looked at the wall. "Looks good to me."

"It looks great," he nodded. He looked around. "The whole place looks great, you did good."

She looked around as well at their now finished apartment. "Only took a few months," she said with a shake of her head.

"It's amazing," he assured her. "It barely looks like Bobby's apartment anymore."

"Because it's not," she reminded him. "It's ours."

"I'm glad he and Kennedy wanted a more family friendly neighborhood, worked out for all of us to take over his lease." He followed Olivia over to where they had temporarily moved the coffee table. They each picked up an end and carried it back over to the couch. "And the furniture looks good, too. I just don't see why we had to get rid of all mine."

"Like I told you," Olivia straightened things out on the table. "Most of your ugly man furniture had been sitting in storage for over a year. Mine, on the other hand, smells good, is clean, and they all match."

"Ugly man furniture?" He asked with a grin.

"Yes, ugly man furniture."

"Now wait," he grabbed her by the waist as she tried to walk past. "Are you calling the man that owned the furniture ugly? Or just the furniture?"

She smiled and looked up at him. "Lack of self confidence much?"

He opened his mouth to reply, but the phone rang. "I have just enough thank you." He said as she went to the kitchen for the phone. "Cause this man knows he's hot." She rolled her eyes as she picked up the phone, then walked back out to him.

"Hello?...hey Bobby. What? Really? Okay, we'll be there!" She hung up and looked at Ed. "Kennedy's at the hospital. She's going to have the baby."

* * *

In the early afternoon, the day after Kennedy went into labor, a small group was ushered into the hospital room. Zack and Bella (the twins were with their grandparents for the night), Ed and Olivia, and Alex. Kennedy smiled at them all, a little blue bundle in her arms. "Everyone, meet little man. Henrik Zachary Goren." 

Everyone awwed, especially Zack who was all grins. "You named him for me?"

Kennedy nodded. "And Henrik for a little boy that I knew in Germany. But, we'll just call him Henry." Little Henry was passed to Zack.

"He's so handsome," Olivia told Kennedy. Bobby was at Kennedy's side, looking a little unsure of what to say or do.

"Still with us Bobby?" Alex asked him. He nodded, but didn't speak. Everyone laughed.

"Hey Uncle Eddie, wanna hold him?" Bella asked, holding Henry out to Ed. For the first time in years, Ed didn't flinch at being called Eddie. He was just staring at the baby. He took a step backwards.

"I, uh...but it's a baby," he said.

Bella nodded with a reassuring smile, "Yes, he's a baby. Come on, take him." She moved forward and carefully moved the baby to Ed's arms.

The room was a happy buzz as the new person was passed along and welcomed to the world. Henry didn't know it in that moment, but these people before him, these people that would love him, teach him, and watch him grow; these people were his family. The best family a kid could ever need.

* * *

The End 


End file.
